underthegun Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We’ve been dating for a total of 9 months, 2 of which have been long distance. We love each other very much, but lately it’s been really hard on both of us trying to maintain a long distance relationship. There is, possibly, a light at the end of the tunnel. He just graduated from his program at school and is going to begin looking for a job and he is willing to look in San Diego, where I live, so that we can be together again. And, honestly, I would love to be close to him again, but I know it would put a ton of pressure on our relationship for him to uproot his life and move here just for me. We’ve only been together 9 months, and although we do love each other a lot and it’s the best relationship either one of us has been in, we just don’t know where it is going at this point. I would feel so much pressure if he moved here just for me. I know the logical thing to do would be to break up, that way there is no pressure. And then if he just so happened to be anywhere around me, we might be able to try again, rather than just dragging ourselves through the misery that is a long distance relationship. I feel like if we stay together we are just going to get more attached and then he might end up finding a job in Timbuktu and we will have to break up anyway. But I don’t want to pressure him to move here, considering we don’t really know if this relationship is going to work out in the long run. However, that is only one issue I am dealing with right now. Even before the distance became an issue, I have been struggling with whether or not to remain in this relationship. Like I said, we love each other very much. I cannot stress this enough. It’s the best relationship either one of us have been in and we get along great. He values me and admires me and would do anything for me. And I love him. But I just love him. I feel like I don’t admire him or appreciate him nearly as much as he does me. And I feel this ridiculous nagging in the back of my mind telling me to break up with him, I can find someone better, who I do admire and appreciate. I know it’s stupid and seems superficial, but he just does not have a lot of the things I would want in a man. But I fell in love with him. And now I feel like I’m stuck here only half satisfied. In addition, I am 22. He is 26. He is definitely more ready for a serious, long term relationship than I am. I think that’s where a lot of my doubt comes from. I’m just not ready to settle down. When I started dating him, we were so casual, it was never meant to become anything serious. But it has and I really, really don’t know what to do. In summary: I love him, it hurts me to imagine breaking up with him, but I think the smartest thing to do would be to break up. I know it’s a very difficult situation. Any input to help me sort through this would be awesome. Thanks so much!
creighton0123 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Reread what you wrote. You want to break up with him... because.... you get along so well? In relationships, neither side is going to equally love or appreciate the other at any given point in time. It'll swing one way, then then other, then another, then another. If you do not want a long distance relationship with him, that is a good reason to break up. Don't force yourself into an LDR lightly. You said it yourself. If he returns and you are both single, it is perhaps something you can investigate in the future. Don't, however, break up with him with the 'i'm not ready to be serious' line. Be more honest and tell him exactly what you told us.
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