RRKaizen Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 So I am in LDR with a girl. We have been going at it for 1.5 months and known each other for four years. I fly back (3h-8h flight each way) every weekend to see her. And every weekend we have date night on Saturday. She is in law school so she works hard all the time but when we're together both her and my work disappear for a little. Today she sent me an email that said: "And this weekend is our last weekend together till exams are over (that's the bad part ....)" I responded with: "Hmmm… That is bad news but not unexpected. Let’s make the most of this weekend and we’ll figure things out as we go through the exam period." Only issue is that it means that after this weekend I won't see her until the 21st of December at the earliest according to her schedule and mine. I am still planning to fly back during the weekends but I know I'll feel bad if I don't get to see her at all. It's costing me a fortune to fly back...
Ilovewater Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Is it necessary for you guys to see each other every weekend? Are you flying back just for her or for other reasons also? I understand everyone has different needs, but flying 3-8h each way every weekend sounds pretty intense...and expensive. For an LDR to work, you have to learn to deal with the distance when you guys don't see each other for weeks or maybe even months. If you can't, the relationship will get exhausting quickly. Between now and Dec. 21st, is it possible for you guys to skype once a week? She can skype you when she's taking a study break or before bedtime.
creighton0123 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I agree with Water. You guys can take a few weeks off from seeing one another on the weekend. If you maintain some solid communication during that time, it'll make your relationship stronger.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Try and look at the positives, you'll be spending Xmas with her, (I assume?), we won't all be spending Xmas or New Year with our partner, I said goodbye to my partner earlier this week and won't see him til January. It's only 4 weeks, no time at all, you'll be fine So I am in LDR with a girl. We have been going at it for 1.5 months and known each other for four years. I fly back (3h-8h flight each way) every weekend to see her. And every weekend we have date night on Saturday. She is in law school so she works hard all the time but when we're together both her and my work disappear for a little. Today she sent me an email that said: "And this weekend is our last weekend together till exams are over (that's the bad part ....)" I responded with: "Hmmm… That is bad news but not unexpected. Let’s make the most of this weekend and we’ll figure things out as we go through the exam period." Only issue is that it means that after this weekend I won't see her until the 21st of December at the earliest according to her schedule and mine. I am still planning to fly back during the weekends but I know I'll feel bad if I don't get to see her at all. It's costing me a fortune to fly back...
Omei Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Try and look at the positives, you'll be spending Xmas with her, (I assume?), we won't all be spending Xmas or New Year with our partner, I said goodbye to my partner earlier this week and won't see him til January. It's only 4 weeks, no time at all, you'll be fine I agree I think you will be fine, sounds like you guys got it made Ld wise! every weekend can be pretty darn close to what normal couples have! (that does sound crazy expensive) And when you get back together it will feel special, maybe you can take the time to think or come up with something nice for christmas for her.
Author RRKaizen Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 The issue for me is that I feel she's being selfish. 1. "I don't have time for you because I am studying." But I will make any slot you have free just to see you. In all the other slots I will follow my own passions and meet with friends, etc. 2. "You will bother ME if you come over. You're a distraction" Distraction? Ouch. 3. "I will want to spend time with you against MY best interests - studying, etc." All I ask is for a few hours on a weekend... She never considers: "Hey! Maybe this guy who emails me every day and does all these awesome things for me every single day despite being away, maybe he deserves a little lovin after his long flights just to see me." BTW, she also sends me emails every day and I know I'm special in that way. Whenever we ARE together we have an amazing time and I know she cares about me. I guess I miss the appreciation for what I do for her and the willingness for her to sacrifice a few precious hours from her work schedule to make ME happy... Apologies re the rant.
wild_urge Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 You are being selfish right now. She has important exams, she needs to study, how hard is that to understand? Yes you would distract her, because she obviously loves you and will want to do other stuff instead of studying if you are there. She makes time to see you every weekend and now that she has to actually concentrate you can't let her? Are you selfish enough to jeopardize her studies? Law school is really hard from what I have heard, some people choose not to date because of it, but yet, she likes you enough to find time for you. Yes, you are doing great things for her, but do you love her enough, not if you react like that! I haven't seen my boyfriend in three months I'll probably won't see him for at least two more, that's the thing about LDR, aren't you going to spend some quality time together after her exams ? If the answer is yes, I don't see why you are complaining, there's other things in her life and there will be, not only now, but in the future too, don't expect her to be there 24/7 because you feel lonely, did you consider that I actually might be hard for her too, to make the good decision, to not see you? Or did you just assume that she isn't putting enough effort? Come on, if you love that girl, give her some credit! And from what you have said so far, it seems that she is not the only reason you have to travel every week.
HeavenOrHell Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Agree with this. You've got it good, don't ruin it. You are being selfish right now. She has important exams, she needs to study, how hard is that to understand? Yes you would distract her, because she obviously loves you and will want to do other stuff instead of studying if you are there. She makes time to see you every weekend and now that she has to actually concentrate you can't let her? Are you selfish enough to jeopardize her studies? Law school is really hard from what I have heard, some people choose not to date because of it, but yet, she likes you enough to find time for you. Yes, you are doing great things for her, but do you love her enough, not if you react like that! I haven't seen my boyfriend in three months I'll probably won't see him for at least two more, that's the thing about LDR, aren't you going to spend some quality time together after her exams ? If the answer is yes, I don't see why you are complaining, there's other things in her life and there will be, not only now, but in the future too, don't expect her to be there 24/7 because you feel lonely, did you consider that I actually might be hard for her too, to make the good decision, to not see you? Or did you just assume that she isn't putting enough effort? Come on, if you love that girl, give her some credit! And from what you have said so far, it seems that she is not the only reason you have to travel every week.
Author RRKaizen Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 Hello all! This is very good feedback. I took a long walk last night and thought about things. Arrived at the same conclusions. I even asked her today what I can do to support her. She said: "Give me space" and I said that's exactly what I'll do
Ilovewater Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Hello all! This is very good feedback. I took a long walk last night and thought about things. Arrived at the same conclusions. I even asked her today what I can do to support her. She said: "Give me space" and I said that's exactly what I'll do That's great! Let her buckle down for her exams, and you guys will make up for this with quality time during winter break! =]
HeavenOrHell Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 Good for you Hello all! This is very good feedback. I took a long walk last night and thought about things. Arrived at the same conclusions. I even asked her today what I can do to support her. She said: "Give me space" and I said that's exactly what I'll do
aaronstone Posted November 29, 2011 Posted November 29, 2011 Don't worry about it man just keep talking via skype etc. Communication is very important. Trust me I know. I used to see my girlfriend only a few times a year and we made it work
Milocat Posted December 1, 2011 Posted December 1, 2011 If it helps put your situation into perspective a little bit... I am in a LDR with my FI as he is deployed. We have been apart since June and he will miss Christmas, NYE, my birthday and Valentines Day! I bet you that being apart for longer than you're used to will make your next visit all that much more special.
Author RRKaizen Posted December 2, 2011 Author Posted December 2, 2011 So we are now in full swing - I am not suppose to see her for the next three weekends. It just so happens, unfortunately, that I have to be in the same city this weekend and the next and NOT see her. BUT here is a txt she sent after we sxted a little today: "Mmmm I'll be thinking about that during yoga. Very relaxing. I don't like knowing you're in the city and I won't be getting my kisses [before you go back]" What do I answer? Consider: 1) I would obviously love to see and kiss her 2) I don't MIND not seeing her - I got used to the fact and want to stay strong but 1) still holds true 3) If I do see her for a little it will be expanded since both her AND I want each other
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