SouthernSunshine Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Suddenly my bf has a lack of interest in sex. We just recently moved in together, and he's very sweet to me... he says I'm his "love".. but I feel something is off. He's been working alot lately, and sometimes he's unsure if he has to work late, so nothing is ever consistent. He has mood swings lately... he comes in from work aloof and sad. He seems very depressd with work, and he tells me he doesn't feel passionate about it anymore. He also tells me I'm too good for him, like wtf?! He's very insecure about not being good enough for me, yet he's not giving me sex like he used to. I don't know if he could possibly be cheating or if work is just taking a toll on our sex life. He used to want it all the time.. but lately, he's just not interested. Last night he gave me money to go shopping without him. It worries me that he may be feeling guilty for cheating, and it's making him depressed? I know these are all rhetorical questions, but they are weighing heavy on my mind.
whichwayisup Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Depression kills the sex drive. If he truly is depressed, there will be other signs he is suffering from this other than losing his sex drive. Why is he unhappy about work? Does he give details about it? Listen to your gut, if you feel something is "off" then look into it. Look for other signs..Does he hide his cell? Is he on the computer and when you walk by he acts shifty and nervous?
norajane Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Why is cheating the first thing you think of, instead of taking him at face value when he tells you that he is stressed out and depressed about work? Have you never been stressed out and depressed? What does that do to your sex drive? Instead of greeting him with suspicion, how about a little compassion? Since work really sucks for him right now, maybe try making his home life a little easier. Treat him well and help him through this rough time at work.
KathyM Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Those behaviors seem suspicious to me. They are what is often listed as signs of infidelity--working late, loss of interest in sex, trying to get you to go out somewhere without them, etc. I'd suggest you look into it. Familiarize yourself with the warning signs of infidelity. Google it--there are lists of what to look for if you suspect something is wrong. He may be just overburdoned at his job and gives you money to go shopping because he feels guilty about being gone so much, but I'd suggest being alert to the signs of infidelity, just in case.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 It could be just depression over his work. My husband despised his old job and would come home sad and depressed. It weighed heavily on him. I used to listen to him bitch and vent and it would make him feel better to have someone to talk to. He never lost interest in sex though... Another thought is that when a couple moves in together a lot of thetime the freuqency of sex will decrease because you can pretty much have sex whenever you want. You are basically always accessible to him so sometimes that will make sex less exciting. Bottom line, why don't you ASK him what is going on and why you aren't having sex as frequently as you used to? And I don't mean in an accusatory or defensive manner, approach it from the perspective that you are worried about him.
Author SouthernSunshine Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Thank you all for your replies! He is currently sleeping after coming home from work, and he looks absolutely horrible/beat up! I feel guilty for even suspecting infidelity, but you never know now days... so it doesn't hurt to ask! I believe he's really just exhausted physically, and emotionally. He's a supervisor... so his position holds a lot of responsibility. I havent asked him about being unfaithful because I don't want to disappoint him with my thoughts of doubt & insecurities. Again, thank you all for your 2cents!
norajane Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Aw, that sounds like it's really rough on him. Take good care of him these days - make your home a safe and welcoming haven for him. That will strengthen your relationship more than anything else right now. Good luck to you both!
writergal Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 (edited) Suddenly my bf has a lack of interest in sex. We just recently moved in together, and he's very sweet to me... he says I'm his "love".. but I feel something is off. He's been working alot lately, and sometimes he's unsure if he has to work late, so nothing is ever consistent. He has mood swings lately... he comes in from work aloof and sad. He seems very depressd with work, and he tells me he doesn't feel passionate about it anymore. He also tells me I'm too good for him, like wtf?! He's very insecure about not being good enough for me, yet he's not giving me sex like he used to. I don't know if he could possibly be cheating or if work is just taking a toll on our sex life. He used to want it all the time.. but lately, he's just not interested. Last night he gave me money to go shopping without him. It worries me that he may be feeling guilty for cheating, and it's making him depressed? I know these are all rhetorical questions, but they are weighing heavy on my mind. Sorry to confirm your fears but yes, your boyfriend is cheating on you. And it sounds like your intuition is telling you what you already know, but you just don't want to believe it because of how far you've gone with him by moving in together. Everything you've written about his behavior and what he's said to you are all very common red flags of cheaters. I should know; I dated a serious cheater and he did exactly the same things to me that your boyfriend is doing to you. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with his female coworker whom he had the nerve to go out on dates with behind my back and when he started sleeping with her, he stopped sleeping with me. I suggest you confront your boyfriend and if he denies cheating on you; he's probably lying. I hope he proves me wrong but I highly doubt it based on how badly I got burned by a cheater. And if you two have a code of honesty between you like a healthy couple should; you should not be afraid to ask him if he's seeing someone else. I mean, your gut's telling you that he is so why go against your own gut? If he gets mad and denies it, then he's not telling you the truth. The fact that you're afraid to be honest with him about your feelings, means that you two probably don't have a very emotionally close bond? You shouldn't be afraid to say anything to your significant other. Does he intimidate you if you question him? Does he blame you for his behavior? Look at your communication styles, what your patterns are and that will tell you honestly what kind of relationship you have with each other. If it's not based in complete trust then the relationship will not last. Edited November 24, 2011 by writergal
Author SouthernSunshine Posted December 9, 2011 Author Posted December 9, 2011 Yes, I'm very scared and its effecting our sex life. I feel I cant open up to him all the way because he may be cheating on me. He has come home on 2 different occasions with a p**** smell on his breath. I try to brush it off, maybe it's not the smell of a woman, maybe its something else... maybe I'm just being paranoid. I feel like I'm just screwed. If I accuse him by questioning, he gets pissed, and I'm left feeling bad. If I pretend everything is fine, I'm really not happy because I have no clarity... no solid facts. I just have to trust blindly, and hope for the best. It sucks
JamesTrump Posted December 20, 2011 Posted December 20, 2011 is he having any medical treatments for his mood, some drugs can reduce libido side effect
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