1st date question

[Birdland]

I met a girl from a dating site for about 2.5 hours tonight. Conversation flowed well enough and pretty balanced between the two of us, although I asked her more questions than she asked me. Anyway, like I do with all first dates (if I'm interested), I made clear that I'd like to take her out on a real date if she was interested. She answered, immediately after I asked, that she would be. We set up something tentatively for next week, and she said to get in touch with her the day of. I said that I couldn't do that, but I could contact her a few days before the potential date and we could set up something definitively. She was okay with that. Anyway, I went in for the and grasp and cheek kiss, which she was fine with, and she insisted on a hug.

 

i have no problem with a cheek kiss/hug for a first encounter, and I figure that if she's interested, we'll go out on the designated day. If she's uninterested, we won't. Did I play this okay?

 

For what it's worth, she is extremely good-looking. In objective terms, I am not, but I'm as successful as I want to be in terms of my dating/sexual life.

[jobaba]

I met a girl from a dating site for about 2.5 hours tonight. Conversation flowed well enough and pretty balanced between the two of us, although I asked her more questions than she asked me. Anyway, like I do with all first dates (if I'm interested), I made clear that I'd like to take her out on a real date if she was interested. She answered, immediately after I asked, that she would be. We set up something tentatively for next week, and she said to get in touch with her the day of. I said that I couldn't do that, but I could contact her a few days before the potential date and we could set up something definitively. She was okay with that. Anyway, I went in for the and grasp and cheek kiss, which she was fine with, and she insisted on a hug.

 

i have no problem with a cheek kiss/hug for a first encounter, and I figure that if she's interested, we'll go out on the designated day. If she's uninterested, we won't. Did I play this okay?

 

For what it's worth, she is extremely good-looking. In objective terms, I am not, but I'm as successful as I want to be in terms of my dating/sexual life.

 

Show us pictures and we'll tell you if she's really out of your league or not.

 

Get that thought out your head even if it's true. If you start to believe it, you'll succumb to it and you will lose.

[soliddrink]

I met a girl from a dating site for about 2.5 hours tonight. Conversation flowed well enough and pretty balanced between the two of us, although I asked her more questions than she asked me. Anyway, like I do with all first dates (if I'm interested), I made clear that I'd like to take her out on a real date if she was interested. She answered, immediately after I asked, that she would be. We set up something tentatively for next week, and she said to get in touch with her the day of. I said that I couldn't do that, but I could contact her a few days before the potential date and we could set up something definitively. She was okay with that. Anyway, I went in for the and grasp and cheek kiss, which she was fine with, and she insisted on a hug.

 

i have no problem with a cheek kiss/hug for a first encounter, and I figure that if she's interested, we'll go out on the designated day. If she's uninterested, we won't. Did I play this okay?

 

For what it's worth, she is extremely good-looking. In objective terms, I am not, but I'm as successful as I want to be in terms of my dating/sexual life.

 

From the way it sounds you are doing ok.

 

Personally, my feeling that it is actually common courtesy (in the gentleman's guide to dating, at least) to call/text at most 2 days before said date to confirm the other party's attendance. Depending on your comfort level and how sudden the date, it can be 1 or 2 days. For a date a week out, I'd normally do 2 days before, for a date the same week, I'd do 1 day before. I put it this way for this reason: if the date is the same week, it is a great indicator of interest and it'll be on both peoples' minds to the point where the 1-day-before call is just a nice gesture, a formality I suppose. If the date is a week out, it is not necessarily a bad thing (the fact that you got the second date indicates interest anyway) just with a lot of time between dates, people tend to forget, lose track of or confuse information, etc. At that point the confirmation phone call becomes sort of a reminder for both of you, a reminder to her that you are still interested and haven't forgot, and a reminder for her that she accepted a date. Doing that kind of call 1 day ahead would, in mind, show lack of consideration on the caller's part. I say that because a 1-day-ahead call kind of indicates to the other party that you still expect to be going out the next day without considering the other party's feelings in mind.

 

The only thing wrong that I have read is that I personally wouldn't have said that you couldn't contact her the day of, I just would have responded with something like "well, I'll check in with ya a couple days ahead of time and see if you are still good to go". Never want to be seen as a "no" guy. Obviously saying you will call her on a different date than what she requests is technically saying "no, I don't agree with you", but by saying "how about I call you a couple days ahead...blah blah" you aren't saying "no" .

 

What is meant by grasp and cheek kiss? Do you mean you wanted to take her hand and kiss her on the cheek? I generally don't think that a lack of a hug on a first date post-online-chat is a bad thing, just as I have done more and more online dates, I have found the "hug", so to speak, is a very good indication of interest...for both people. I have become more akin to hugging a girl when meeting her right off the bat - it shows her I am a warm person, not an impersonal hand shaker. Besides, the girls who do that arbitrarily without your coaxing are the girls you want to meet from dating sites, anyway!

 

I met a girl from the internet once. She was gorgeous (by my standards at least, probably not to others). I remember walking up to her at the place I was supposed to meet her, she was leaning up against a street pole - I was really attracted to her. I greeted her with a hug to give a good indication of interest because a hand shake would not suffice. Had a great date, I walked her back to her car and we hung around for a little bit, and I got the indication the mood was right for a kiss, but unfortunately as I moved in for a standard embrace I could tell it was not right and it would not happen unless I asked. I asked if I could give her a kiss at that point and she said "how about a cheek kiss", which I did. This is not to say I lost interest at that point, other factors did that (scheduling, difficulty in contacting her, etc.).

 

Of course, if, when you meet the girl for the first time, or if after the date, you are absolutely repulsed and don't want to give any indication of attraction, a hand shake is all you should do (that is all I have received from women who are repulsed by me, if I'm lucky to get that much).

 

The only experience I have with perfunctory cheek kisses is that they are generally bad. There's the girl I mentioned above, obviously. Then I was setup with another girl, cute girl, we had a LOT of the same values, we got along great, unfortunately it was going to be a long distance relationship if anything (distance would have been approx 3 hours apart...ugh). First date great, second date I got 2 days later (it was all part of the plan...date on day 1 I was in the area, if it went great, get another date before I left town...2 dates, gauge interest). After date 2, I hugged and kissed on the cheek and that was the end of that - we spoke on the phone once or twice more, but nothing more. I think she got the clue I wasn't all that interested - if after 2 dates a cheek kiss is all that you can show for it, forget it.

Another couple girls I met from the internet only let me peck them on the lips. Even our first kisses (both on second dates) were just that, peck kisses. Pecks are nothing more than a glorified cheek kisses that occur on the lips. Suffice it to say neither of these girls cared to go out anymore after a few dates.

 

 

Frankly, though, if You can confirm the second date a couple days ahead of time, ignore all this crap about the hugging, hand-shaking, kissing, etc etc etc. If you got the second date, that is all that matters...until you decide what to do at the end of the second date, of course.

 

All I can say is that if you get the second date, and it goes well, you better escalate it to the point where it isn't a cheek kiss, or a peck on the lips. The only girl where a peck on the lips worked to get a third date, where in the third date kiss was amazing and things progressed for a little while, was a girl who was very desperate. I dropped her after a few weeks...it was not a mutually gratifying relationship.

Edited November 24, 2011 by soliddrink