ChessPieceFace Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 the guys that were looking at her were guys that I'd happily date. They were smart for the most part, clean cut, responsible, nice (at least the ones I got to work with), and had a career. The type of guys that you actually want to date.. As opposed to the sub-optimal guys who you wouldn't want to date. And if some of those guys come on to this forum complaining they can't get dates, they'll get no sympathy from you. Yet you want sympathy, and for the sword not to cut both ways. Hmmmm...
Ariadne Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 As opposed to the sub-optimal guys who you wouldn't want to date. And if some of those guys come on to this forum complaining they can't get dates, they'll get no sympathy from you. Yet you want sympathy, and for the sword not to cut both ways. Hmmmm... Why would I want to date some guy that is: smart dumb for the most part, clean cut untidy, responsible irresponsible, nice (at least the ones I got to work with) jerk, and had a career unemployed. But I guess you could be attracted to anybody though.
johan Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Why would I want to date some guy that is: smart dumb for the most part, clean cut untidy, responsible irresponsible, nice (at least the ones I got to work with) jerk, and had a career unemployed. But I guess you could be attracted to anybody though. Because if you don't, they come on here and gripe a lot and poison the discourse. Come on, Ariadne. Take one for the team.
Els Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 As opposed to the sub-optimal guys who you wouldn't want to date. And if some of those guys come on to this forum complaining they can't get dates, they'll get no sympathy from you. Yet you want sympathy, and for the sword not to cut both ways. Hmmmm... Well, I think the entire point of the OP's post is that one should be able to offer what one wants. And if one cannot, there is little point complaining that the people one is after, do not want oneself. In the OP's case, I don't think there should be anything wrong with her wanting a clean-cut, responsible, nice guy with a career, assuming she offers the same herself. Unfortunately, the men she is complaining about are pretty much overweight nerds complaining that 'hot' women don't give them the time of the day, whereas they are not interested in the OP, who still looks better than THEM and is willing to date them. I think this sort of attitude would either infuriate or tickle anyone, although personally I would choose to be tickled instead of infuriated, as the OP appears to be. Because if you don't, they come on here and gripe a lot and poison the discourse. Come on, Ariadne. Take one for the team. ROFL. :lmao:
ChessPieceFace Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Why would I want to date some guy that is: smart dumb for the most part, clean cut untidy, responsible irresponsible, nice (at least the ones I got to work with) jerk, and had a career unemployed. double standard n. a set of principles that allows greater freedom to one person or group than to another
Author verhrzn Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 double standard n. a set of principles that allows greater freedom to one person or group than to another Ah, so even if a girl has a good career, lots of fun hobbies, is intelligent, and with a great personality.... if she's unattractive, her only choices are dumb, unemployed jerks? Or being single forever? You don't think that's just a LITTLE too steep of a double standard? Your response is more evidence of what I said. You can't do this, you can't do that. This won't work, that won't work, everything has been tried and I and others here don't know anything. I'm wrong, my attitude is wrong about women, I have the worst possible motives at all times. You're ugly, you've tried everything, you can't look better than you do, etc etc etc. Your negativity is your problem. Until you see that, nothing will change. When is it negativity, and when is it just facing the goddamn truth? Exactly how much money and time do I have to spend (HUNDREDS of dollars on make-up, and probably thousands on clothes.... Lucky Jeans, which are the ONLY ones that even vaguely fit me, are $125 a pair), and how many friends and salespeople do I have to alienate before I'm allowed to acknowledge that I've tried everything? And why are you so convinced it's my "negativity"? Ariadne seems perfectly pleasant and happy in her posts... she wasn't even jealous of the Asian hot girl, but was friendly and open. And yet she STILL didn't get attention. Does that not prove my point that it's barely about personality at all to single guys (I think the majority of married guys DO pay attention to personality... which is why they're married. Because they are good, mature guys.) How long do I have to dress up and smile as I'm ignored and passed over for hotter girls by guys who are whiny and poorly dressed themselves, before I finally get to say "ENOUGH" and be upset about it?
Feelsgoodman Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 When is it negativity, and when is it just facing the goddamn truth? Exactly how much money and time do I have to spend (HUNDREDS of dollars on make-up, and probably thousands on clothes.... Lucky Jeans, which are the ONLY ones that even vaguely fit me, are $125 a pair), and how many friends and salespeople do I have to alienate before I'm allowed to acknowledge that I've tried everything? And why are you so convinced it's my "negativity"? Ariadne seems perfectly pleasant and happy in her posts... she wasn't even jealous of the Asian hot girl, but was friendly and open. And yet she STILL didn't get attention. Does that not prove my point that it's barely about personality at all to single guys (I think the majority of married guys DO pay attention to personality... which is why they're married. Because they are good, mature guys.) How long do I have to dress up and smile as I'm ignored and passed over for hotter girls by guys who are whiny and poorly dressed themselves, before I finally get to say "ENOUGH" and be upset about it? Well, things could be even worse....if you were a guy. How successful do you think a short, overweight, nerdy guy is going to be with women?
Author verhrzn Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 Well, things could be even worse....if you were a guy. How successful do you think a short, overweight, nerdy guy is going to be with women? Considering I know plenty of short, overweight, nerdy guys that are married to very attractive women (guys at my work who are married, and guys I see at nerd conventions).... apparently not too shabby. Getting a programmer's salary doesn't hurt either, obviously. From my observation, it seems the thing that separates short, overweight nerdy guys with girlfriends and short, overweight, nerdy guys without girlfriends is attitude. The ones with girlfriends/wives are confident and caring, even when they're single. The ones without girlfriends are selfish, insecure, and (usually) have very unrealistic expectations. (Or they don't want a relationship.)
Beachgirl8 Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 It's understandable that you are frustrated. But feeling justified that your frustration is valid isnt going to help the situation, it only allows you to stew in frustration and project negativity, even if you don't think that's what you are projecting. Since you are already making an effort to maximize your appearance, what are some other things you can do to make yourself more attractive to men? A super positive attitude, confidence, intelligence, and flirting skills can take you a long way even when you aren't the physically "hottest" girl in the group. I have several gf's who aren't classically beautiful who guys fall all over because of those particular personality traits.
Trollhunter Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 This is why sometimes I hate working with other women. Jealous bitches can be such a pain, I can sense it!
oaks Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 From my observation, it seems the thing that separates short, overweight nerdy guys with girlfriends and short, overweight, nerdy guys without girlfriends is attitude. The ones with girlfriends/wives are confident and caring, even when they're single. The ones without girlfriends are selfish, insecure, and (usually) have very unrealistic expectations. (Or they don't want a relationship.) It looks there same from here, too. Personality does make a difference.
Elysian Powder Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Ah, so even if a girl has a good career, lots of fun hobbies, is intelligent, and with a great personality.... if she's unattractive, her only choices are dumb, unemployed jerks? Or being single forever? You don't think that's just a LITTLE too steep of a double standard? When is it negativity, and when is it just facing the goddamn truth? Exactly how much money and time do I have to spend (HUNDREDS of dollars on make-up, and probably thousands on clothes.... Lucky Jeans, which are the ONLY ones that even vaguely fit me, are $125 a pair), and how many friends and salespeople do I have to alienate before I'm allowed to acknowledge that I've tried everything? And why are you so convinced it's my "negativity"? Ariadne seems perfectly pleasant and happy in her posts... she wasn't even jealous of the Asian hot girl, but was friendly and open. And yet she STILL didn't get attention. Does that not prove my point that it's barely about personality at all to single guys (I think the majority of married guys DO pay attention to personality... which is why they're married. Because they are good, mature guys.) How long do I have to dress up and smile as I'm ignored and passed over for hotter girls by guys who are whiny and poorly dressed themselves, before I finally get to say "ENOUGH" and be upset about it? Countless millions of Chinese men are going to die as virgins. they've accepted their fate. Why don't you learn from them that you aren't entitled to sex or to male attention? I was once interested in a very hot chick but she turned out to be a whiner and bitter. I completely lost my boner.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Verhrzn, your experience is a perfect example that regular women (although you are quite cute in your picture) have the same issues regular men do and that dating isn't an automatic A for women just because you have a vagina. This thread is also a perfect example of how quick men's tunes change when they hear a woman's struggling in dating and how they plain don't care but expect women to care about them or give them a chance. The truth is dating is hard for everyone and a little more understanding on both sides could help the bigger picture. I also personally think men today are totaly messed up in their expectations because they've been raised on Maxim and porn and think that fat/average guys should always get hot girls just because some girl in porn or Maxim pretends she loves average guys.
Author verhrzn Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 It looks there same from here, too. Personality does make a difference. It does *somewhat.* I mean if a guy has a choice between an ugly girl with a great personality and a hot girl with a bad personality, I think most (again, mentally healthy) guys would choose the good personality. HOWEVER, if both the hot girl and the ugly girl have good personalities, the hot girl is going to get the guy's attention. I don't think this is the case for women. Women are kind of strange when it comes to attraction... physical looks are kind of a part of it, but they're extremely subjective (no girl in my group of friends has the same tastes in guys as another girl), and very subject to change depending on the guy's personality and attitude.
Elysian Powder Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Verhrzn, your experience is a perfect example that regular women (although you are quite cute in your picture) have the same issues regular men do and that dating isn't an automatic A for women just because you have a vagina. This thread is also a perfect example of how quick men's tunes change when they hear a woman's struggling in dating and how they plain don't care but expect women to care about them or give them a chance. The truth is dating is hard for everyone and a little more understanding on both sides could help the bigger picture. I also personally think men today are totaly messed up in their expectations because they've been raised on Maxim and porn and think that fat/average guys should always get hot girls just because some girl in porn or Maxim pretends she loves average guys. you always change the subject of any thread to porn . We've had it by now that you are very jealous of the porn stars good-looks; give it a rest
oaks Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 HOWEVER, if both the hot girl and the ugly girl have good personalities, the hot girl is going to get the guy's attention. Well, yes, because, on balance, the hot girl has everything the ugly girl has plus she's hot. Plus, the ugly girl is ugly, and that's a dealbreaker for most guys (but replace "ugly" with "average looking" and the first point still holds). Women are kind of strange I agree!
Author verhrzn Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 Well, yes, because, on balance, the hot girl has everything the ugly girl has plus she's hot. Plus, the ugly girl is ugly, and that's a dealbreaker for most guys (but replace "ugly" with "average looking" and the first point still holds). But then your assertion that "personality counts!" only holds if the hot girl has an awful personality.... which is essentially like saying "Personality matters but only AFTER looks."
Elysian Powder Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 But then your assertion that "personality counts!" only holds if the hot girl has an awful personality.... which is essentially like saying "Personality matters but only AFTER looks." Ah, you suffer from selective reading. Gotcha.
Taramere Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 How long do I have to dress up and smile as I'm ignored and passed over for hotter girls by guys who are whiny and poorly dressed themselves, before I finally get to say "ENOUGH" and be upset about it? I think you're allowed to feel upset about it whenever you please. What you indicated is that quite a few of the men at work who are drooling over your new colleague are married men. Unless they're looking for affairs, they're not in the dating market...so their interest in the colleague is probably very superficial. That is, they see her as eye candy. Again, going purely by what you say on the board, you're friend zoned/ignored by them. Looking at your avatar photo, you're an okay looking girl who projects fun and quirkiness rather than sexiness and I think that might be one of the problems. I know it's just one picture, but I'm guessing you picked the picture which you feel best represents the essence of who you are. Cute, nice and fun. The kind of girl men feel "comfortable around". Stop that. You need to start learning to make men feel slightly uneasy...because that's what makes them take notice of you, and it's what creates sexual tension. Ease up on that "nice quirky girl" smile and start smirking more. Use eyeliner, mascara, eyelash curlers and open those eyes right up...then make direct eye contact with men and hold it. Think dirty thoughts while you're holding that eye contact Don't mind what crap you read on the Internet. You needn't be a raving beauty to make men blush and stammer....but you certainly won't become that woman (who makes them blush and stammer) by focusing on, or caring, what they think about your sexy new colleague. Treat such things as an irrelevance. Above all, don't - for God's sake - become like one of those dreadful guys who spends all his time on here whining about women refusing to date what he regards as being their male equivalents. Rise above it, for your own sake.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 you always change the subject of any thread to porn . We've had it by now that you are very jealous of the porn stars good-looks; give it a rest Well I actually said a lot more about the actual subject then I did about porn. You're the one that decided to focus on the porn comment and comment yourself rather then address anything else I said. So that's on you, not me. I'm not jealous of porn. And trying to act like I am is also on you, not based on anything I ever said.
Elysian Powder Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 Well I actually said a lot more about the actual subject then I did about porn. You're the one that decided to focus on the porn comment and comment yourself rather then address anything else I said. So that's on you, not me. I'm not jealous of porn. And trying to act like I am is also on you, not based on anything I ever said. your forum-crusade on porn says otherwise. Carry on with it. its highly amusing :laugh:.
oaks Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 But then your assertion that "personality counts!" only holds if the hot girl has an awful personality.... which is essentially like saying "Personality matters but only AFTER looks." I'm not claiming that personality counts for everything, but it counts. If there's a simple case of hot girl with plain personality and a plain girl with a great personality then it's tricky (and of course it depends "how hot" or "how great a personality"). Also, if a girl is interested in me then that's a bonus and could be the deciding factor. (I'm not including "ugly" or "terrible personality" in the comparison because those are probably deal breakers regardless of how great the person is in other areas.) Of course it also depends how I get introduced to the girl. It's hard to get any sense of personality via online dating - so photos count for more. If it's in an office environment where circumstances mean interacting with the girl more often then there's a chance for her personality to show through (although I have reservations about dating someone at work, but that's a different issue). However, that does highlight one other point - I can evaluate looks in half a second, but it'll take hours or weeks for you to show me your charm and there's nothing I can think of that will change that. Anyway, you're cute (at least as far as 100x100 pixels can show) and you don't seem like a bitch, so you just need to lock the hot girl in the stationary cupboard and the guys will notice you.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 your forum-crusade on porn says otherwise. Carry on with it. its highly amusing :laugh:. And your inability to address anything else I said but quickly jump on the one little comment about porn I made is equally amusing and telling. Don't worry, I will keep talking up against porn. I don't think it's done men any favors.
Elysian Powder Posted November 24, 2011 Posted November 24, 2011 And your inability to address anything else I said but quickly jump on the one little comment about porn I made is equally amusing and telling. Don't worry, I will keep talking up against porn. I don't think it's done men any favors. you must have solidly secured F's in HS for your exquisite reading skills. top of your English class, no doubt. Damn, you are funny. time to watch me some eve angel . Cya
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