Wolf18 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 *Nearly faints from laughing so hard* You have GOT to be kidding. I DO go to bars/night clubs once in a while, and not only do I NOT get hit on or flirted with, let alone have guys "tripping over themselves," most guys either 1) pretend I'm not there 2) want me to get them my hot friend's number or 3) after a few drinks, decide it's much more fun insulting me to my face. "Hey, look how red she turns when I ask her how much it sucks to have a flat ass even when she's fat!" Oh man Wolf. The only redeeming quality of my experiences is how much they blow your theories about how easy women have it out of the water. [/Quote] This might sound tough, but if you're a 7 and want to act like a 10, then you're going to have problems. The funny thing is that milllions of women get away with it every day, so I don't quite understand what issue you have. I myself am not and perhaps will never be the hot guy all the girls are chasing after. If and when I ever do get a woman to be with me, she's still going to see guys on the street that are better looking, more "successful" (rich), etc than me. That's just life. Just give it some time and act a little flirty, give a male some compliments. I swear, if you don't have guys interested in you I will turn into gold. Whether these guys are good enough for you (which is most single women's problems) is another story.
gaius Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Have you ever considered getting a nose job vertical? I've seen your other pictures and there is nothing wrong at all with your body, you don't need lipo. You look good in a dress. I've been reading vertical posts for a while now and she has looked outside her company. The way men treat her at work seems indicative of how men everywhere treat her.
Wolf18 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 You know, on second thought, it may just be possible that these "male geeks" are rejecting the OP for a very hot woman. The mentality could be that throughout their lives, women of all stripes universally ignored them. Now that they have a good paying IT job, suddenly women are interested in them. The thought is that "well, no women liked me at my worst times, so now I'm just going to pork the hottest chicks I see". I get the impression that perhaps you are a bit of a perfectionist and have a classist streak. Perhaps , in this case the roles are reversed
Wolf18 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Have you ever considered getting a nose job vertical? QUOTE] Man, this is pretty scumbaggy. Mutilating your face with plastic surgery isn't the answer for anyone ever.
FrustrationSetsIn Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Ick, no. That's how I end up with guys that aren't actually interested me, and dump me at the first chance with a girl they actually like.... I'm sick of dating guys who only date me because I showed interest in THEM, and because they automatically assumed they couldn't get the girl they actually wanted. *adjusts my hat* Well then lil lady, it seems we got ourselves a standoff here. Sure those previous guys were jerks for doing that to you. But it doesn't mean the next one will, and if he does well then that's on them. Or maybe it could be partly on you for some never ending cycle you get yourself into that you can break out of. You just gotta decide if you want to ever pull the trigger again or keep that gun holstered. Western metaphors are now done. *takes a bow*
dasein Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 The poster I quoted is a firm believer that NO differences should exist between men and women. She advocates that shelters for 'abused women' should be made to change their names to shelters for 'abused people' or else be forced to shut down. She advocates that women should contribute 50% to household incomes and that SAHMs are 'lazy women who sit at home with their hand outstretched to be fed by their man'. She advocates that women should be the sole draft component in the future, as retribution for the fact that men were drafted in the past because of their superior physical strength. I know exactly what you are referring to, when soserious posted an "off the top of my head" set of possible solutions to things she perceived as inequitable in another thread, you seized on something she proposed for vets and latched onto it like a catatonic rainman, refusing to discuss anything else in the thread in a very disingenuous way. Now, over a WEEK later, you are still trying to chew that bone in this completely unrelated thread. Moroever, I don't recall any of soserious' posts stating the above in those terms, and suspect, as you are wont to do, you have mischaracterized what she posted to your own ends. If you are going to dredge up something someone said a week ago or in another thread, you really should CITE the EXACT WORDS they said as opposed to distorting them to your own benefit. As far as personal appearance and attraction goes, if someone isn't happy with their social life in attracting the opposite sex, soserious' suggestions were completely reasonable. What isn't reasonable is trying to link that to someone's stance on supposed inequities of armed service, which has NOTHING to do with what the genders do to attact each other, or what steps are appropriate for someone to consider to better their appearance. no reason why a woman (who is going to pay 50% at any time anyway) should be expected to spend all that time and effort and health risks on her appearance when the men she is after do not. For god's sakes, they were just suggestions, which the OP is free to evaluate as she sees fit, the same types of suggestions would be appropriate for a man having the same problem, though they would run more along the lines of "get in shape, get a good job, get your own place." The 'looks are valued more for women, career for men' league bull**** cannot be upheld by the very same people who advocate such 'equality'. It is BS actually because both men and women are equally into looks today and then men have an added requirement of "good job" to be successful with women. That of course is not equal.
soserious1 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 (edited) It's kind of interesting how the rabid 'men and women should be 50.00000% equal' posters are the ones advocating that the OP should not be able to expect a man who is on par with her career and appearance-wise, because the 'leagues' for men and women are different. What happened to your 'good for the goose, good for the gander' approach, soserious? What happened to the 'injustice' done by having more men in armies? So some 'differences' between men and women are okay, it's perfectly fine that the OP should have to do all that to attract overweight men who are dressed in the 'male geek uniform' and earn as much as her, but drafting men because they have greater physical strength isn't? Ah, well. There are male misandrists, I suppose it isn't too uncommon to find a female misogynist around here. A high earning, physically unattractive, overweight man is free to lose the weight & attempt to become more physically attractive to high earning,educated great looking women,he's also free to stay the same size, pursue an educated, high earning great looking woman as long as he is prepared to be shot down & shot down often.His chances improve if he decides to instead pursue a great looking but less educated woman who doesn't earn as much as he does. The OP retains the same options that an overweight man has.. both groups have the same choices Edited November 28, 2011 by soserious1
soserious1 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 That's never been a problem for me. The only thing I ask of a guy is that he be able to financially support himself; I don't mind at all if I make substantially more money than him. I'm not toned at all.... and I'm never going to be. I have a personal trainer I meet with once a month. I also work out 3 times a week (half an hour to 45 minutes of cardio and 3 sets of 4 different weight lifting exercises) on top of martial arts and dancing. I've been doing it for over a year... and even though my body fat percentage has gone done, I haven't dropped even A SINGLE inch or pound. The best explanation my trainer could come up with is my body type endomorphic, meaning I not only put on weight really easy but it's nearly impossible for me to loose it, even with diet and exercise. It's not really surprising, given my genetics... My mother worked out like a fiend (we're talking hours every day) and could never lose weight, though once she got to a certain threshold she never gained weight either. (Overweight but not obese.) So.... nope, being skinny/toned, never gonna happen. I've battled with the idea of plastic surgery, but 1) it's incredibly expensive 2) it's a dangerous procedure for purely cosmetic reasons 3) liposuction is not permanent, so even if I got it all sucked out it'd come right back because that's my body 4) non-plastic surgery doctors think I'm crazy for even considering it, since I'm not even "that" overweight. I'm just chunky/soft. They tell me to consider therapy instead. I wear some make-up to work (concealer, foundation, lip gloss and eyeliner) and my usual outfits consist of nice jeans and a fitted blouse. My workplace is the kind of place where if you dress up to the 9's, you get some weird looks... It's actually more off-putting than it is attractive. My hot new coworker has the kind of style that is "hot casual," which I can't pull off but fits in with the atmosphere. Really, though, as I've said before... I really can't do much more beyond my physical appearance than what I'm already doing. If guys don't find me attractive at this point because of my looks..... without some drastic surgery I don't think they're ever going to. I'm just resigned to going into work tomorrow and sitting sad and ignored at lunch while the guys flock to her. I've just sort of given up about the whole thing.... guys are going to forever want the hot girls, and there's really nothing I can do except ignore them when they bother me about her and accept my eternal single hood. vehrzon, First off, ( and this is said as gently as I can manage) if calories taken in are less than the calories burned off, weight loss will result. Yes, you might well have inherited a tendency to be stocky but unless you have an endocrine problem of some sort (which should be thoroughly ruled out by a medical professional) I would suspect that your diet is the culprit here. I would closely examine every singe thing you eat or drink, lots of so called "natural" or "organic" foods contain shocking amounts of calories. Heck, I've had friends complain that they can't lose weight despite the fact that they eat only salads.. a closer look at those salads shows that they're loaded with things like cheese, croutons, meat,eggs & drenched in salad dressing. Become a detective, find the hidden calories! Also, some women do best on a low fat regime others do best on a low carb diet, experiment a bit with both types of diet. Lastly, don't go on a ultra low calorie diet that never varies or your body will start to conserve fat, burning fewer calories, vary your intake to keep your furnace stoked. with well versed in weight issues)
dasein Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I've had 5 in the last year. And on top of the gym cardio I also do martial arts... classes themselves are an hour or two long, and then to have the stamina required for testing, I need to do at least two hours a week on my own. The fact that someone your age needs to do extra exercise just to get the stamina for basic martial arts testing is telling. I'm on your side here and still think you aren't doing enough productive, intensive exercise in the gym based on what you are describing. Until you do a real program of diet and exercise, IMO you don't know what your body is capable of.
Els Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I know exactly what you are referring to, when soserious posted an "off the top of my head" set of possible solutions to things she perceived as inequitable in another thread, you seized on something she proposed for vets and latched onto it like a catatonic rainman, refusing to discuss anything else in the thread in a very disingenuous way. Latched onto? You must have missed the part where she steadfastly defended her 'off-the-top-of-her-head' suggestions as if anyone disagreeing with them was a self-serving feminist (yes, she actually called WOGGLE that ) and heartless uncompassionate ingrates towards the vets. Interesting how someone disagreeing with the 'off-the-top-of-her-head' suggestion is a 'catatonic rainman' whereas the person defending her own 'off-the-top-of-her-head' suggestion is perfectly fine. Moroever, I don't recall any of soserious' posts stating the above in those terms, and suspect, as you are wont to do, you have mischaracterized what she posted to your own ends. If you are going to dredge up something someone said a week ago or in another thread, you really should CITE the EXACT WORDS they said as opposed to distorting them to your own benefit. Did you quote mine? Soserious is welcome to dispute the claims if she wishes, and I will quote them in that case. She is a reasonably honest person despite her failings, and she knows what she said. None of them are wrong by themselves anyhow, assuming that the person who says them ascribes to equality in all other ways as well. As far as personal appearance and attraction goes, if someone isn't happy with their social life in attracting the opposite sex, soserious' suggestions were completely reasonable. What isn't reasonable is trying to link that to someone's stance on supposed inequities of armed service, which has NOTHING to do with what the genders do to attact each other, or what steps are appropriate for someone to consider to better their appearance. The poster has declaimed men paying for women, and being chivalrous and protecting women, as being 'unfair to men'. Those are 'unequal' things that men do to attract women. Now she is suggesting that the OP do 'unequal' things to attract men. Perhaps misogynistic is a wrong term to describe this, although I do believe the poster I quoted is misogynistic, as all of her posts have been in defense of men and harsh towards women, and I have not seen any of the opposite. Regardless, 'hypocrite' may be a better term in this context. For god's sakes, they were just suggestions, which the OP is free to evaluate as she sees fit, the same types of suggestions would be appropriate for a man having the same problem, though they would run more along the lines of "get in shape, get a good job, get your own place." It is BS actually because both men and women are equally into looks today and then men have an added requirement of "good job" to be successful with women. That of course is not equal. I think you missed some integral parts of this poster's post. Here it is again. Many people in IT make huge money & have a lot of options when it comes to dating, if all of the above doesn't yield results it may well mean that the men you currently desire are out of your league, you might have to lower your standards, be open & receptive to approaches from men who might not make nearly as much money as you do or who might have more limited earning potential. The OP has clearly stated that the men in her workplace are the stereotypical geeks - appearance-wise as well. And that she does not mind that. Yet soserious is implying that these men, at the same career level as her, but of a lower appearance standard, are 'out of her league'. Why this discrepancy?
Els Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 A high earning, physically unattractive, overweight man is free to lose the weight & attempt to become more physically attractive to high earning,educated great looking women,he's also free to stay the same size, pursue an educated, high earning great looking woman as long as he is prepared to be shot down & shot down often.His chances improve if he decides to instead pursue a great looking but less educated woman who doesn't earn as much as he does. The OP retains the same options that an overweight man has.. both groups have the same choices The OP is not exactly pursuing high earning, educated great-looking men. She is pursuing men at the same education and career level as her but poorer looking than her.
Author verhrzn Posted November 28, 2011 Author Posted November 28, 2011 The fact that someone your age needs to do extra exercise just to get the stamina for basic martial arts testing is telling. I'm on your side here and still think you aren't doing enough productive, intensive exercise in the gym based on what you are describing. Until you do a real program of diet and exercise, IMO you don't know what your body is capable of. Uh.... no. I'm past my black belt and into sash material, and putting in several hours a week is very standard for my rank. Heck, compared to other students, I should probably be doing a bit more. It's.... no where near 'basic.' Just.... no. And yes, I've looked at my diet. Trainers have looked at my diet. Doctors have looked at my diet, nutritionists have looked at my diet. One month, just for kicks, I whittled down my calorie intake to 1200 calories, while still doing my regular exercise. Aside from nearly fainting a couple of times, it's only impact on my body was that I GAINED weight. Maybe I'm just a freak. But it seems that my body is the way it is.
dasein Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Did you quote mine? No, because you did in fact latch onto that single point in her post to the exclusion of the other hundred or so issues that were discussed in that thread and refused to discuss anything else. Anyone can review the thread and see that. WHO CARES what she said about woggle or you in that thread? It's completely irrelevant to the issues OP describes in this thread. How about stopping the derail and just letting it drop? Or if you just can't let it drop, start up your own thread on the issue. Suggesting possibilities as to why the men in OP's office may have the attitudes they do is not the same thing as saying those are good attitudes to have... it's just suggesting possibilities, not trying to posit ultimate truth. The point is to try to get OP thinking about possible solutions for herself, to consider all the possible angles.
Els Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Um, dasein, you started the derail. I had not addressed you at all in this thread except to say that I agreed with your advice. Interesting how you expect things of people that you are unwilling to uphold yourself, dasein. You berate me for derailing when you are doing the exact same thing instead of ignoring my posts. You state that I should quote soserious' posts verbatim (which she did not deny, btw), while you don't accord me the same courtesy. I apparently cannot mention what she said to me in another thread, while it's perfectly fine for you to mention what I said in that thread. Hrm. Birds of a feather flock together, I suppose. I think the two of you would make a fine match - for the time being, though, I should certainly take your advice and stop this derailing by putting both of you on ignore. It was my mistake for only having done one of you and not the other previously. Back to the topic. OP, have you ever tried dating in another locale or demographic?
soserious1 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 The OP is not exactly pursuing high earning, educated great-looking men. She is pursuing men at the same education and career level as her but poorer looking than her. Again, if the group of people you would like to date have no interest in dating you, there are two options open to you. 1. Acquire the traits desired by your targeted dating pool 2. lower your standards and target another group. Men at an equal educational & earning level don't want the OP? then she can either attempt to make herself physically attractive to them by losing weight or she can pursue less educated, lower earning blue collar men OP has the same choices that an overweight man has.
dasein Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I should certainly take your advice and stop this derailing by putting both of you on ignore. Hallelujah.
soserious1 Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 for the time being, though, I should certainly take your advice and stop this derailing by putting both of you on ignore. Wow! Christmas has come early, thank you
joystickd Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Uh.... no. I'm past my black belt and into sash material, and putting in several hours a week is very standard for my rank. Heck, compared to other students, I should probably be doing a bit more. It's.... no where near 'basic.' Just.... no. And yes, I've looked at my diet. Trainers have looked at my diet. Doctors have looked at my diet, nutritionists have looked at my diet. One month, just for kicks, I whittled down my calorie intake to 1200 calories, while still doing my regular exercise. Aside from nearly fainting a couple of times, it's only impact on my body was that I GAINED weight. Maybe I'm just a freak. But it seems that my body is the way it is. Black belt. A woman that can kick ass is a turn on for me.
AHardDaysNight Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Hey, here is a wild idea? Maybe you and joystick should hook up?
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Uh.... no. I'm past my black belt and into sash material, and putting in several hours a week is very standard for my rank. Heck, compared to other students, I should probably be doing a bit more. It's.... no where near 'basic.' Just.... no. And yes, I've looked at my diet. Trainers have looked at my diet. Doctors have looked at my diet, nutritionists have looked at my diet. One month, just for kicks, I whittled down my calorie intake to 1200 calories, while still doing my regular exercise. Aside from nearly fainting a couple of times, it's only impact on my body was that I GAINED weight. Maybe I'm just a freak. But it seems that my body is the way it is. I really do not see how this is possible. Short of having some metabolic disorder (that you would probably know about by now). I am not saying that you need to lose weight, I am just saying that I have never met anyone that ate less than they burned and gained weight. Most people grossly under-estimate their caloric intake. As for your dating life - all you need is some patience.
Els Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Hey, here is a wild idea? Maybe you and joystick should hook up? How about you and her?
joystickd Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Hey, here is a wild idea? Maybe you and joystick should hook up? Yeah! Finally a single woman. I need a single woman in my life. I'm tired of being "scum".
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 \ And yes, I've looked at my diet. Trainers have looked at my diet. Doctors have looked at my diet, nutritionists have looked at my diet. One month, just for kicks, I whittled down my calorie intake to 1200 calories, while still doing my regular exercise. Aside from nearly fainting a couple of times, it's only impact on my body was that I GAINED weight. Maybe I'm just a freak. But it seems that my body is the way it is. Perhaps you gained muscle. You can't generate calories out of thin air. Some people do have slower metabolisms.... but we are talking 100-200 calories per day. I fought like hell to get 6pak abs when I was 20.... it was such a pain in the butt to get and maintain I stopped after 2 quarters... about 7 months. So I know how hard it can be to move your body weight against the genetic current. However, the point of that is you need to stop obsessing about it. Maintain something like that just isn't worth it. Instead focus on finding a guy who likes you as you are. My sister's friend is nearly 500lbs and her BF is handsome and skinny. Just stop being one of the guys!!!
oaks Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 Every week I get stronger, faster, and more flexible... and yet the way I look never changes. My body is how it is. Healthy, kick-a** in stamina and ability, and fat-looking. Well done on the whole getting stronger etc stuff. I don't think you look fat from your avatar, but if you're doing the exercise and your body isn't changing and you want it to then you'll have to, additionally, eat less. If you burn more calories (through exercise) than you consume, consistently over time, then you'll reduce body fat. (Starving yourself isn't healthy, so don't go overboard on that!)
Els Posted November 28, 2011 Posted November 28, 2011 I really do not see how this is possible. Short of having some metabolic disorder (that you would probably know about by now). I am not saying that you need to lose weight, I am just saying that I have never met anyone that ate less than they burned and gained weight. Most people grossly under-estimate their caloric intake. As for your dating life - all you need is some patience. I agree with the bolded. I think that when people cut calories too drastically for a prolonged period of time, the body goes into starvation mode, which means it conserves adipose tissue and cuts down on the basal metabolic rate. That could be a contributing factor for the OP - 1200 calories is rather low for a woman of average Caucasian build who also works out rigorously. I'm a 5'1" Asian and my daily calorie quota is 1750. She could also be gaining muscle, which are denser than fat. I think it's great that she's a black belt ++, I wimped out at brown.
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