How To Tell Whiny Guys To Shut It

[Feelsgoodman]

How do you tell whiney guys to shut it? You don't - you just ignore them.

Wrong. The proper way of dealing with whiney guys to go on the internet and whine about them being whiney.

[ThsAmericanLife]

verhrzn, what I have learned........... is indeed that the "nerdy/geeky" types do tend to truly want the exceptionally hot and steamy girl. Why? Perhaps because she can validate him and with her, he finally make other men envious of him

 

Such tend to crave superficial things in order to keep their insecure appetites at bay...........

 

In any case, regardless of what "type" a person seems to be.......

 

I think it's extremely difficult to find a man that has good values. **** the ones that don't. Seriously. They will leave you in pieces, whether they covet your looks or your personality............... or even both.... I'd commiserate with you if you lived closer lol.

 

I totally agree with this... alot of people look to their preferred other to balance what they are not... to provide validation for the things in their life they feel are missing.

 

It works both ways.

 

To the extent that each one of us have confidence in who we are, accept what we can and cannot change, and do the best with what we are born with... that seems to be a better recipe for success. Noone has a free ride in life.

 

Verhzn, I'm no judge (I'm a girl), but objectively you seem well above 'average' in the looks department and possess remarkeable intelligence as well.

 

I'm sorry you are having difficulties. I agree with Onyx... focus on their values first... the rest will fall into line.

[ThsAmericanLife]

What does she say about it? Most of the pretty women I've known have been insecure that men want to get to know them just for sex and women dislike them for being competition, which makes them quite lonely in some respects. There's an opportunity here to form a good friendship with her, if you so wish, and asking her if she's cool with you introducing her would seem like a good way to broach the subject. In a way, you are being harassed (although pestered is probably more accurate) and maybe you can get some sisterly support in dealing with it.

 

I've seen that with some extremely handsome men too. Being much out of the norm in any areas of life has its challenges. More than some people might imagine.

[Sanman]

Verhrzn,

 

Judging from your avatar, you're cute. You aren't the hot girl guys fawn over, but I have friends who are dating/married to girls like you. From the guys I know, it is usually the ones that complain and that don't have much dating experience that are looking for the hot girl. These guys will also get jealous if you find a guy/relationship. Those with a bit more experience (and maybe a hot girl or two that emptied their wallet) learned there are more important things to being happy. What age range are you dating?

[ChessPieceFace]

Wrong. The proper way of dealing with whiney guys to go on the internet and whine about them being whiney.

 

 

And you have to love the people who criticize others for generalizing about women, trying to characterize "all geeky males" as wanting only this or that. Please. I'm a geek, and to me, the really hot girls are only good for looking at. I may have a natural attraction to dominant women but those, too, aren't ultimately good for anything. I'm smart enough to know what a life disaster it would be trying to form a relationship with a dominatrix. Other geeks are smart too, many of them would figure it out.

 

The only thing wrong with the OP is her negative attitude, whenever she realizes that she'll be on her way to success.

[ptp]

I haven't left or disqualified men... They've left me. The last guy I casually dated told me after 6 months that he liked my personality, but found me physically unattractive (met him online.) The guy before that, who I monogamously dated for 6 months, would go on and on about how my friend was hotter, his ex was hotter, his crush in Australia was cuter... but that was okay, he didn't mind settling, because hot girls didn't go for him anyway! (Met him through mutual friends.) Heck, most of the guys I've dated have made it clear I was bottom-of-the-barrel looks wise, but that my personality "made up" for it.

 

That is not right, that isn't the kind of thing you say to SO. These guys obviously didn't care about you or respect you. No wonder you feel so negatively about your looks. You shouldn't have had to go through that. I don't know how you got stuck with more than 1 of these types of guys.

 

Like I told you previously, it is your responsibility to screen out these types guys who are rude/disrespectful. Be patient and find one that likes you for both your looks and personality and who respects you and treats your right. A few LS posters have commented on your looks...so don't ignore the positive things people say about you.

Edited November 23, 2011 by ptp

[ThsAmericanLife]

 

And you have to love the people who criticize others for generalizing about women, trying to characterize "all geeky males" as wanting only this or that. Please. I'm a geek, and to me, the really hot girls are only good for looking at. I may have a natural attraction to dominant women but those, too, aren't ultimately good for anything. I'm smart enough to know what a life disaster it would be trying to form a relationship with a dominatrix. Other geeks are smart too, many of them would figure it out.

 

The only thing wrong with the OP is her negative attitude, whenever she realizes that she'll be on her way to success.

 

Point made... It wasn't my intention to stereotype geeks... just support the notion that people sometime seek their polar opposite in one way or another.

 

I'm surrounded by geeks... have been most of my life. I am one myself... and I fully agree too that each person's choice (man/woman/geek/non-geek) have preferences that are not relegated to one type or another.

[verhrzn]

Put aside any female rivalry thing and consider things from her perspective for a moment. She's in a new working environment, and people want introduced to her because she's "hot". Regardless of how informal and friendly your working environment is, that's not a professional reason for anybody to offer, for being introduced to a new colleague. Even if you feel envious of the attention she's getting, from her perspective being viewed in this gape-mouthed, drooling way in her new place of work probably isn't a great, or very comfortable, start.

 

I'd be saying something like "I'm happy to introduce X to people in the company and intend to do so...but as a colleague, not as a potential date. If you're after her romantically - then leave me out of it."

 

Thanks, I really like that suggestion. I've been trying to stay professional and courtesy to her, and even the guys who are drooling over her... Being able to approach it as a work thing ("she is a colleague, not a potential date") may spare me the accusation of being jealous.

 

What I'm seeing overall is that you treat men as the enemy.

 

Where in the world do you get this?? Am I not allowed to be upset that guys don't want me without being accused of hating them/seeing them as the "enemy"?

So again, seems you want easy attention more than an actual relationship.

Why can I not want both? Especially since a relationship comes OUT of attention? I have no idea what you mean by 'easy' attention... But do I want attention from guys? Um, YEAH. Duh. How else am I going to get them to date me if they never pay attention to me?

 

Um.. no? Who knows? Why do you assume that every guy who likes you or would possibly like you would ask you out? Especially geeky guys who may have anxiety about those types of things.

 

Again not true, not sure where you're getting this from. You're living under wrong assumptions and then making false conclusions based on them, conclusions which are making you miserable. I don't care whether you date someone at work or anyone at all, but you're wrong to think "if a guy doesn't approach me he isn't interested."

 

I've heard that over and over... "Oh guys don't flirt with you because they're shy/socially anxious/intimidated/what have you." Except I've noticed a pretty funny thing... These supposedly shy guys seem to have no problems putting themselves out there for hot girls. Yeah, maybe they won't go as far as asking them out. But they'll find excuses to be around her, to talk to her, help her out in some way. Shy guys may not ask a girl out, but if they're interested... they'll show it, ESPECIALLY if the girl gives them even the slightest bit of encouragement.

 

Example: I was at a nerd convention this past summer. I didn't get hit on the entire weekend (except by girls.) Well of course my friends said the same thing... oh it's because they're shy nerd boys. Except, when I was walking around with my friend, who is ten times more attractive than me (seriously, she was among the top 10 hottest girls there), the very same "shy" guys had NO problems hitting on her. So, how do you explain that?

 

I can even cite a specific recent instance proving that you're wrong. I was recently at a social event with 2 women of interest. One was quite hot but aggressive and amoral. The other was below average looks, but hung out with geeks and seemed compatible with my interests. I talked to the second one and had no interest in talking to the first one. AND the second one even had a BF, so it was a super long shot to even do that; just getting my foot in the door basically. Point being, I wouldn't waste my time talking to a "hot" girl who I would never be interested in a relationship with.

 

That doesn't necessarily disprove my point that guys consider looks important, it just means guys don't consider ONLY looks important. I mean, the obvious healthy choice between a hot girl with a bad personality and an ugly girl with a good personality is choose the ugly girl. But if it's between a hot girl with a good personality and an ugly girl with a good personality? The "below average" girl in your example only had a chance because the hot girl turned out to be "aggressive and amoral." What if the hot girl had been sweet and had a nice sense of humor... then the "below average" girl wouldn't have stood a chance, would she?

[Taramere]

Thanks, I really like that suggestion. I've been trying to stay professional and courtesy to her, and even the guys who are drooling over her... Being able to approach it as a work thing ("she is a colleague, not a potential date") may spare me the accusation of being jealous.

 

Yep. She's not the problem....the guys who are trying to shunt you into some sort of matchmaker role are.

 

Outside of work, I think if men are putting you in that role then you should make it clear that you expect a quid pro quo arrangement. That if they want you to introduce them to female friends, they have to bring something (eg a single male friend or two) to the table.

 

Sometimes they need a not so subtle reminder that favours should be returned.

[Wolf18]

That doesn't necessarily disprove my point that guys consider looks important, it just means guys don't consider ONLY looks important. I mean, the obvious healthy choice between a hot girl with a bad personality and an ugly girl with a good personality is choose the ugly girl. But if it's between a hot girl with a good personality and an ugly girl with a good personality? The "below average" girl in your example only had a chance because the hot girl turned out to be "aggressive and amoral." What if the hot girl had been sweet and had a nice sense of humor... then the "below average" girl wouldn't have stood a chance, would she? [/Quote]

 

Are you kidding me?

 

I'll harp day and night about women and men who, as a whole, tend to choose the "hot guy" or girl with no personality over an average person with a good personality.

 

However, I think it's pretty ridiculous to think all things being equal, to choose the ugly person. I know for a fact you yourself wouldn't do that either.

 

The world is what it is. And yes no matter how ****ty a very good looking person is, they're always going to have first dibs, blame darwin. If you think men are bad try dating women, men for the most part see the boyfriend and run, women on the other hand see a girlfriend and try even harder. Polygamous nature of women sets every day guys back in a society that doesn't emphasize marriage or monogamy.

[mtber75]

Me thinks your topic title is a tad misleading...

 

People are attracted to others who they think look good.

 

 

Yeah the title is misleading...It should read "how do I make my company fire my attractive female co worker so all the guys will start paying attention to me again":)

 

Your relegated to wingman status because she's the new flavor of the month. After a while it will die down. Be direct, say man up and ask her yourself:)

[somedude81]

I think it's pretty unfair to generalize all geeky males in that manner. I'm sure there are male geeks who act the way you two described, but IMO there also are some who truly appreciate having a female geek by their side, as well.

I was going to reply to both their posts as well.

 

I just want a decent looking girl who has a personality I mesh with and who has common interests.

I've heard that over and over... "Oh guys don't flirt with you because they're shy/socially anxious/intimidated/what have you." Except I've noticed a pretty funny thing... These supposedly shy guys seem to have no problems putting themselves out there for hot girls. Yeah, maybe they won't go as far as asking them out. But they'll find excuses to be around her, to talk to her, help her out in some way. Shy guys may not ask a girl out, but if they're interested... they'll show it, ESPECIALLY if the girl gives them even the slightest bit of encouragement.

Yes, shy guys do like being around really pretty girls. It does something for our ego that we get to talk to them. But as you said, we don't ask them out because we know she'll say no.

 

Remember that picture of the really pretty blonde girl I showed you? I talked to her whenever I could and often walked her to her truck after class, but I never dreamed about asking her out. I didn't have a chance in hell.

 

That doesn't mean guys would be able to easily romantically approach a woman they may be interested in who isn't as attractive.

 

Sometimes men will hit on a really hot girl and don't care about getting rejected because that's what they expected to happen. They invested little

of their ego into it, so they don't care. But getting rejected by a girl he thinks he has a chance with, hurts much more.

 

I'm betting that there were plenty of guys who wanted to ask you out, or express interest, but they were afraid you'd reject them so they chickened out. That is more common with shy/nerdy guys.

[Chubbi]

I think another reason OP is because your work is a very male area. When men tend to predominate in terms of numbers, you will start to see very male competition and hear comments as they try to one-up each other. Things can get inflammatory and negative and women-bashing in a blink of an eye.

 

I think this adds to some of the behavior you've seen.

You will see this much less when the gender numbers are equal.

[Nexus One]

Why is it so inconceivable that there are girls no guys find attractive?

 

From the pictures I've seen of you I can tell you you're selling yourself short.

 

Quick and dirty analysis:

 

You're a programmer, meaning you're probably residing in your head space a lot to solve logical problems. I suspect this causes you to be introvert. Introvert girls DO have a harder time attracting guys.

 

Introvert girls have 2 options when it comes to attracting guys. Either their looks or building a connection/bond with a guy, guys need to get to know you on a deeper level.

 

Another thing. You work at an IT company, meaning you're probably surrounded by masses of beta guys, most of them introverts too. That's not helping things.

 

And perhaps, just perhaps, you could use a makeover. To really help you out I almost wish I could take a look at you (in person) and I'd point out: This, this and this can be improved in terms of attraction. I'd probably point out things like your hair, clothing style, etc. It's possible I'd advise you to change some of those things to the style of certain celebrities that have a style that fits you, as some celebrities or their stylists seem to know what sparks a feeling of attraction in the opposite gender, while at the same time they're able to keep things looking classy.

 

I'd also take a look at how you talk to and behave around guys. I'd probably also advise you to perhaps drop going for a beta guy at your company and go for guys who are a bit more savvy when it comes to women.

 

The first tip I could give you is to grow your hair long(er). I'm not sure, but from the photo's I've seen of you I couldn't really see if you had long hair, perhaps that means you don't. Long hair is feminine, whatever is feminine is attractive to guys. Also style the hair in a feminine way.

 

I know the externals are superficial, but like you said, the guys at your company are probably also more superficial than they think or than they'd

like to admit. And a few things like hairstyle, clothing and attitude can make a world of difference.

Edited November 23, 2011 by Nexus One

[ChessPieceFace]

Where in the world do you get this?? Am I not allowed to be upset that guys don't want me without being accused of hating them/seeing them as the "enemy"?

 

Just the feeling I was getting from you, you seem argumentative/combative.

 

These supposedly shy guys seem to have no problems putting themselves out there for hot girls. Yeah, maybe they won't go as far as asking them out. But they'll find excuses to be around her, to talk to her, help her out in some way. Shy guys may not ask a girl out, but if they're interested... they'll show it, ESPECIALLY if the girl gives them even the slightest bit of encouragement.

 

That's just pathetic behavior on their part though. Dogging around girls out of their league, just for the thrill of being around a 9 or 10, and being too afraid to humiliate themselves by asking and getting rejected. That's like, middle school / high school behavior. The grass is always greener; if you were so hot that you got all that juvenile attention 24/7, you would be tired of it.

 

I have another anecdote... I was at a party and some girl there liked me and told my friend, who didn't bother telling me about it until 2 months later. I was mortified about it since that almost never happens to me, or at least I never find out about it. So then I wanted to get in contact with the girl -- and I didn't even remember anything about what she looked like, AND I had hints from my friends (don't know if they were jagging me or serious about it) that she wasn't even very attractive. But I still felt like I missed out. So, maybe that's pathetic to some, just cause I don't put myself out there and interact with people that much. But the point is, I was interested just cause someone was interested.

 

Another point is - I wonder how many other girls I've met thought I was cute but never said anything, I never approached them (cause I just don't DO THAT) and therefore nothing happened. None of them would have a right to gripe that they weren't approached, cause they didn't approach me either.

 

Example: I was at a nerd convention this past summer. I didn't get hit on the entire weekend (except by girls.) Well of course my friends said the same thing... oh it's because they're shy nerd boys. Except, when I was walking around with my friend, who is ten times more attractive than me (seriously, she was among the top 10 hottest girls there), the very same "shy" guys had NO problems hitting on her. So, how do you explain that?

 

Explained in PM and above. Accept that you aren't a knockout and move on. Work more with what you have and you'll have a lot more success than you have had, and a lot more than you think you can. Your negative attitude about this isn't justified. Stop being so down on yourself, spruce yourself up, pick more flattering hair / clothes / makeup and get some advice from good friends or professionals on that, and then just go make it happen. Complaining to people on the internet won't make it happen.

 

The "below average" girl in your example only had a chance because the hot girl turned out to be "aggressive and amoral." What if the hot girl had been sweet and had a nice sense of humor... then the "below average" girl wouldn't have stood a chance, would she?

 

"Aggressive" is another form of "outgoing" though. A lot of guys like that. Aggressive girls get a ton more attention and opportunities. And yet, to me it's a turn-off even while being a turn-on, if that makes any sense. The other girl in question was less good looking than you, by the way, and was also totally introverted and absorbed in her iphone or whatever. But it was really about the shared interests. I want someone that shares my interests, otherwise even the idea of being around them is really boring to me.

 

As for "other things being equal, wouldn't you rather have the knockout" ... that's complicated. For one thing, being with a knockout, I'd have to constantly deal with other guys falling all over her. I have no interest in dealing with that. I'd also have to deal with my own self-esteem not being nearly good enough to believe myself worthy of being with her. So all other things being equal, I'd rather have an average girl that I found cute than a knockout.

 

Furthermore, for reasons I've explained elsewhere, all other things are never equal. Really pretty girls often have really bad personality traits, because they've been given free positive feedback their entire lives without having to earn it. They're free to be selfish and vain and cold and mean-spirited because they are still given positive attention and feedback. So that's more stuff I wouldn't want in my life. You are so much better off in many ways.

[verhrzn]

Just the feeling I was getting from you, you seem argumentative/combative.

 

Being argumentative does not make me a man-hater, or automatically makes me see men as the "enemy." I'm just a person who asks a lot of questions and states their opinion forcefully. Would it help if I was arguing with another woman?

 

I have another anecdote... I was at a party and some girl there liked me and told my friend, who didn't bother telling me about it until 2 months later. I was mortified about it since that almost never happens to me, or at least I never find out about it. So then I wanted to get in contact with the girl -- and I didn't even remember anything about what she looked like, AND I had hints from my friends (don't know if they were jagging me or serious about it) that she wasn't even very attractive. But I still felt like I missed out. So, maybe that's pathetic to some, just cause I don't put myself out there and interact with people that much. But the point is, I was interested just cause someone was interested.

 

Another point is - I wonder how many other girls I've met thought I was cute but never said anything, I never approached them (cause I just don't DO THAT) and therefore nothing happened. None of them would have a right to gripe that they weren't approached, cause they didn't approach me either.

 

But that's exactly the attitude I want to AVOID. A lot of my romantic heartbreak has come from pursuing guys or making my interest known first. The guys then dated or toyed around with me because I was interested in them, NOT because THEY were interested in ME. It was very much a "Sure, why not" kind of approach. And-no big surprise-when they found a girl they were actually into, they dropped me, because they were never into me in the first place.

 

You just can't compare how men and women get into relationships. Men pursue when they are interested. If they don't pursue, then they're not that interested, or as you pointed out, they're immature. Women just don't work like that. You yourself are even an example of why... you say an outgoing/aggressive female is both a turn-on AND a turn-off. A lot of women are so afraid of tripping over the line because guys JUDGE them for it.

 

I've said it on this board over and over again... Until an aggressive/outgoing woman is no longer judged as less feminine, a lot of women are NOT going to put themselves out there. They're ESPECIALLY not going to put themselves out there when the guy has shown no sign of being interested in them.

 

 

Explained in PM and above. Accept that you aren't a knockout and move on. Work more with what you have and you'll have a lot more success than you have had, and a lot more than you think you can. Your negative attitude about this isn't justified. Stop being so down on yourself, spruce yourself up, pick more flattering hair / clothes / makeup and get some advice from good friends or professionals on that, and then just go make it happen. Complaining to people on the internet won't make it happen.

 

See, this is why I don't frequently share my pictures, because I get the same advice over and over. "Be skinnier." "Grow your hair." "Wear more make-up." I CAN'T. I can't do any more than I already AM.

 

Growing my hair, for example. I was oh-so-happily blessed with thin, greasy hair. The longer it gets, the greasier and flatter it goes. So, which is better... short, clean hair with body or long hair that looks and feels disgusting?

 

I actually do wear make-up... I go into my local Bare Essentials store so frequently they know my name and what shades of lip gloss I prefer. I have them show me professional techniques over and over. It does help, but it doesn't help a lot. And as far as clothes... I baffle friends and store clerks alike. Friends won't go clothes shopping with me any more because I frustrate them too much, and no wonder... I'm short (5'1"), chubby and square-bodied (waist is 32" inches, hips 37") but with a somewhat larger chest. I am BIZARRELY shaped, and there is not a piece of clothing on Earth that looks right on me.

 

Accepting I'm not a knock-out is not the problem. It's accepting that there really IS nothing I can do about it, short of very drastic plastic surgery. And accepting that the biggest (NOT only, but biggest) thing guys want in their sexual/romantic partners is something I can't control or change is excruciating.

 

 

As for "other things being equal, wouldn't you rather have the knockout" ... that's complicated. For one thing, being with a knockout, I'd have to constantly deal with other guys falling all over her. I have no interest in dealing with that. I'd also have to deal with my own self-esteem not being nearly good enough to believe myself worthy of being with her. So all other things being equal, I'd rather have an average girl that I found cute than a knockout.

 

So, the only reason you don't want the knock-out (aside from assuming she has a bad personality, which is not always the case) is because you're insecure. Don't you think that's rather awful... that you're with a girl not because you think she's the most amazing person on Earth, but because you lack the self-esteem to get the woman you ACTUALLY think is the most amazing person?

 

And what happens to the average girl who you DO grow some self-esteem? One of my exes dated me for the exact same reason... well, dating me actually have him confidence and some ego-boosting, which in turn attracted hotter ladies than he was getting before. And lo and behold, when he felt better about himself... he jumped ship with me for them. That's a pretty awful position to put another person into, isn't it?

[Lonely Ronin]

You just can't compare how men and women get into relationships. Men pursue when they are interested. If they don't pursue, then they're not that interested, or as you pointed out, they're immature. Women just don't work like that. You yourself are even an example of why... you say an outgoing/aggressive female is both a turn-on AND a turn-off. A lot of women are so afraid of tripping over the line because guys JUDGE them for it.

 

Men can not pursue for reason other than not being interested. I'm like on call tech support right now, for one of my female friends right now. we are talking daily, because a guy from our social group hasn't made a move on her yet. They are both very flirty with each other, and it's obvious to everyone in our social circle that they like each other.

Several of us have told her the reason why he hasn't made a move yet, is because she intimidates him, and if a relationship failed it would have a lot of negative consequences for both of them. Last night I had enough and was like can I be blunt! Stop being a shallow bitch about this, he is cool with everything your previous boyfriends have not been, your ridiculously attracted to him, and you want to bail because he hasn't tried to screw your brains out yet. And o yea she is probably my best female friend.

 

guys don't chase for all kinds or reasons besides not being physically attracted to a women.

 

 

why... you say an outgoing/aggressive female is both a turn-on AND a turn-off. A lot of women are so afraid of tripping over the line because guys JUDGE them for it.

People judge people all the time, it's a fact of life. The question is, why do you care what random people think?

 

 

 

Growing my hair, for example. I was oh-so-happily blessed with thin, greasy hair. The longer it gets, the greasier and flatter it goes. So, which is better... short, clean hair with body or long hair that looks and feels disgusting?

 

I actually do wear make-up... I go into my local Bare Essentials store so frequently they know my name and what shades of lip gloss I prefer. I have them show me professional techniques over and over. It does help, but it doesn't help a lot. And as far as clothes... I baffle friends and store clerks alike. Friends won't go clothes shopping with me any more because I frustrate them too much, and no wonder... I'm short (5'1"), chubby and square-bodied (waist is 32" inches, hips 37") but with a somewhat larger chest. I am BIZARRELY shaped, and there is not a piece of clothing on Earth that looks right on me.

Both these women are attractive to my eye and are considered + sized women.

http://www.fashionihub.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Dressing-Tips-for-Plus-Sized-Women.jpg

http://romanscatalog.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/trendy-plus-size-sundresses-for-women.jpg

 

Have you even been shopping with someone who knows how to buy clothes for your body type?

[Els]

Point blank, V, I think you've had some horrible experiences with horrible men, which are tainting your outlook on men and possibly your reception towards them. It's not something I can say for sure without knowing you IRL, but it's just a hunch.

 

I am also confused with what you want. You have said that you don't want men to prioritize appearances, but you also stated on another thread that you want someone to be wildly attracted to your physique on first meeting. Those two don't really jive. The men who satisfy the former requirement will not satisfy the latter, for obvious logical reasons. Which one do you REALLY want?

[Els]

Verhrzn,

 

Judging from your avatar, you're cute. You aren't the hot girl guys fawn over, but I have friends who are dating/married to girls like you. From the guys I know, it is usually the ones that complain and that don't have much dating experience that are looking for the hot girl. These guys will also get jealous if you find a guy/relationship. Those with a bit more experience (and maybe a hot girl or two that emptied their wallet) learned there are more important things to being happy. What age range are you dating?

 

This is a pretty good summary of what I've observed.

[FitChick]

I suspect in your case, one possible reason the men don't see you as a romantic prospect is that you are more of a sister to them now because of your longevity/proximity and incest is taboo. She is a stranger so doesn't carry that stigma.

 

You are in the perfect position to ask all those male friends to fix you up on blind dates with their friends and relatives.

[Feelsgoodman]

I actually do wear make-up... I go into my local Bare Essentials store so frequently they know my name and what shades of lip gloss I prefer. I have them show me professional techniques over and over. It does help, but it doesn't help a lot. And as far as clothes... I baffle friends and store clerks alike. Friends won't go clothes shopping with me any more because I frustrate them too much, and no wonder... I'm short (5'1"), chubby and square-bodied (waist is 32" inches, hips 37") but with a somewhat larger chest. I am BIZARRELY shaped, and there is not a piece of clothing on Earth that looks right on me.

 

Accepting I'm not a knock-out is not the problem. It's accepting that there really IS nothing I can do about it, short of very drastic plastic surgery. And accepting that the biggest (NOT only, but biggest) thing guys want in their sexual/romantic partners is something I can't control or change is excruciating.

Your frustration is understandable. But really, what do you expect us to say? Several posters tried to make you feel better about yourself, but you are having none of their fake reassurances. So what do you want? Do you want us to tell you that the world is not fair? That all men suck for wanting attractive women?

 

You have summed up your own situation quite well. The only thing you can do is care less. Everyone has their lot in life. Being a female that men lust for is apparently not your lot. Nothing you can do about it.

[Avarage]

Eh here's my two cents as a man for what ever it's worth: That's life. Anyways, not everyone is universally attractive to everyone else. I'm not that great looking and know it but whatever. (Actually people constantly call me McLovin. Guess I look close enough like the character ) The biggest thing is don't dwell on this. Your a good looking girl and shouldn't change anything. If you let this get to you and eat away it won't matter if you do meet that great guy. Your personality won't be up to par.

[Feelsgoodman]

Eh here's my two cents as a man for what ever it's worth: That's life. Anyways, not everyone is universally attractive to everyone else. I'm not that great looking and know it but whatever. (Actually people constantly call me McLovin. Guess I look close enough like the character ) The biggest thing is don't dwell on this. Your a good looking girl and shouldn't change anything. If you let this get to you and eat away it won't matter if you do meet that great guy. Your personality won't be up to par.

Solid advice IMO.

[ChessPieceFace]

Not going to bother itemizing my response again, since it accomplished nothing. Rather go big picture:

 

Your response is more evidence of what I said. You can't do this, you can't do that. This won't work, that won't work, everything has been tried and I and others here don't know anything. I'm wrong, my attitude is wrong about women, I have the worst possible motives at all times. You're ugly, you've tried everything, you can't look better than you do, etc etc etc.

 

Your negativity is your problem. Until you see that, nothing will change.

[Ariadne]

And when I point out to the guys that I'm single, they just look at me like "Yeah... so?"...It just... KILLS me, to sit there invisible

 

Hi,

 

I can totally relate to your story as I also worked in the IT industry.

 

I had a similar case with a similar "hot" girl..

 

It happened that the day that I started working in the company, this pretty Asian girl started working as well and we ended up sitting in the same area and becoming friends.

 

We were the same exact age, same height, but she was very tiny (while still having shapely breasts and butt), had slanted Asian eyes, and long straight black hair.

 

I instead have a voluptuous body and have always been kind of chubby, and standing next to her I probably looked plain fat.

 

Well, whenever we went to lunch her she'd turn heads. It seemed like every man that came within our radius had to look at her while I remained invisible.

 

The worst part was that she was happily married and had to fend men off, while I was single and hadn't had a bf in years at the time. And same as you, the guys that were looking at her were guys that I'd happily date.

 

They were smart for the most part, clean cut, responsible, nice (at least the ones I got to work with), and had a career. The type of guys that you actually want to date.. Yet, nobody cared to know if I was single even.

 

But this was not all. She got pregnant. So the last time I went to lunch with her she was in her 8th month, and believe it or not, the men would still turn their heads to look at her!

 

At that point I thought it was pretty hopeless and even she had to laugh.