Marz1974 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Hey there, this site was recommended by a friend. Anyway here is my story. My 3 year relationship ended last thursday. We were happy and had no issues. We do have an age difference of 13 years, me being older but that never seemed to matter . He is a Engineering Uni student and I work full time and study part time. We lived together for 2 years and we have been on an overseas holiday and were planning on moving to a new house soon and talked about the future . He was amazing with my 8 year old daughter also. The last week he had immense pressure at Uni and I have done nothing but support him emotionally and mentally to go well at Uni. The pressure got to him and he said he cant do Uni full time and be in a relationship. He told me and still tells me he loves me and my daughter but it wont work. He took our photo albums and pictures and cards and alot of memorabilia. He has emailed me to say he cannot move on but he is so sorry. Mixed messages. I have not responded in 24 hours which has pained me alot because I want to. I know we are at diferent stages of our lives and after 3 years it has finally come to surface. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow . How do I move on? i fluctuate with hurt and pain and cry every day. I want to get better. I am 37 and this is my first real heartbreak. I left my last long term relationship and this was my second serious one. I work at the Uni he studies at and am worried about running into him . I hate that he got to walk away and I am left to pick up the pieces of a broken household with all the memories attached to it!!!!! I love him and hate him! He is a very honest person and always has been and there is no one else as he now has extra time at Uni due to failing a course. He said he couldnt place me high enough on his prioroty list - uni and career came first! I need to realise I was too good for him dont i? He told me i am amazing and he will regret this decision but he has to live with it I hate relationships!!! Age does really does matter doesnt it even though in a idealistic world love prevails all???
Zabs Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Hey hun Sorry to hear of your pain... I could be wrong but it sounds to me that he is just trying to soften the blow. On one hand it could be argued that he is incredibly driven and what a refreshing change that makes (in some circles) esp as he wants to stand on his two feet and not be a kept man... On the other hand we could critisize and say what a selfish Barstand he is...which view do you take if at all? Methinks that somewhere within, if other people WERE to subject him to a critical summary of his actions and character...you would probably would end up defending him to the hilt? Consider what steps you are going to need to take in re-building your life for yourself and your Daughter because that's who youneed to focus on now. He is taking care of his own needs...now is the time to tend to yours! Hope your appt goes well with the Psych/Cllr tomorrow;) Much love Zabs xx
hoping2heal Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Hey there, this site was recommended by a friend. Anyway here is my story. My 3 year relationship ended last thursday. We were happy and had no issues. We do have an age difference of 13 years, me being older but that never seemed to matter . He is a Engineering Uni student and I work full time and study part time. We lived together for 2 years and we have been on an overseas holiday and were planning on moving to a new house soon and talked about the future . He was amazing with my 8 year old daughter also. The last week he had immense pressure at Uni and I have done nothing but support him emotionally and mentally to go well at Uni. The pressure got to him and he said he cant do Uni full time and be in a relationship. He told me and still tells me he loves me and my daughter but it wont work. He took our photo albums and pictures and cards and alot of memorabilia. He has emailed me to say he cannot move on but he is so sorry. Mixed messages. I have not responded in 24 hours which has pained me alot because I want to. I know we are at diferent stages of our lives and after 3 years it has finally come to surface. I am seeing a psychologist tomorrow . How do I move on? i fluctuate with hurt and pain and cry every day. I want to get better. I am 37 and this is my first real heartbreak. I left my last long term relationship and this was my second serious one. I work at the Uni he studies at and am worried about running into him . I hate that he got to walk away and I am left to pick up the pieces of a broken household with all the memories attached to it!!!!! I love him and hate him! He is a very honest person and always has been and there is no one else as he now has extra time at Uni due to failing a course. He said he couldnt place me high enough on his prioroty list - uni and career came first! I need to realise I was too good for him dont i? He told me i am amazing and he will regret this decision but he has to live with it I hate relationships!!! Age does really does matter doesnt it even though in a idealistic world love prevails all??? Oh Marz *hugs* I feel so sad that you are internalizing this and making it about you - it isn't. You've been loving and supportive and wonderful and can I just say? I really hate when people blow smoke up our butts just to make themselves feel better! I remember when an ex from years ago broke up with me I was so completely devestated - he told me I had no idea how much he loved me and that I was one of the best women he has ever known, ever - yeah? why're you dumping me then jerko! But I came to realize that was stuff he didn't mean (as evidenced by his dumping me) and he was just trying to ease his own guilt. For the longest time I blamed myself for the breakup until one day I realized it wasn't all my fault - in fact, my ex had a lot of faults and I was accepting of them. I can handle some faults and flaws in people and not have it completely turn me off - this guy? He couldn't - and I should have known from all the signs that told me so but I didn't want to listen - I was young, in love, and he gave really great gifts . I eventually in time began to realize the relationship wasn't nearly as perfect as I thought it was and I could be honest about the areas I made mistakes and did things too but being human doesn't make me undateable and I needed a guy who could handle that (now I've got one, and he knocks that other guy I was crying about out of the park and down the block..and has done so for 3 years ) Which is funny cause I remember crying to my best girlfriend "I'll never find love again, I'm ruined. I will never find anyone like him, I'll never be that happy, oh forget it! I'm just going to be a gold digger and date for money cause I can't date for love now" :lmao:. Just remember that actions speak louder than words and don't let yourself feed on the scraps he throws your way. It sounds like you were loving and supportive and now you think because you are older you couldn't keep your man and that's just so sad! Yes, I'm sure we both know it is a load of crap that he suddenly can't be in a relationship and attend uni but please understand that if he dumped you for a vapid, shallow reason then guess what? That is HIS problem - not something wrong with you and no woman is ever going to get far in this world with some man who can only offer her shallow love.
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