roman_pavluchenko Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I was dumped about a year ago from a short term relationship but i really liked this girl. Prior to dating her i was a happy person, always smiling, laughing and was just overall happy. The relationship didnt start off well because i asked her out when i was drunk, but it started to develop. Problem was she wasn't giving me much attention, didn't talk very much, never really wanted to kiss me etc so i began to become insecure. I would mope around all day playing computer games while waiting for her to come on facebook or to catch up with her and when something didnt go my way i would post depressing statuses on facebook. Eventually i was dumped for being too clingy. I got really upset and started doing stupid things like smoking and drinking and then raging about her to friends and deleted her off facebook. When i settled down i apologised to her and started moving on with my life. Now i'm back to my old self but i'm even happier than i was before. I've found out what i want to do with my life, realised who my true friends are and participate in volunteer work. However every time i see my ex, whether it be at a party or a gathering old wounds open so easily. For the next few days i kind of shut down and blame myself for become so insecure. I keep telling myself it's all my fault and that if we could only start again now that i'm a more happy, confident person that it will be able to work out. How do i get away from these thoughts, i'm not sure whether it was her not giving me enough attention that i became clingy, or that she wasn't giving me attention because I WAS clingy?
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 She's still in your life and despite this belief that you've moved on, you haven't really.. not yet. You still see her occasionally and just knowing that, is enough to keep those memories and feelings alive, and kicking you in the gut. I would imagine that like me you also occasionally think about her when you're not thinking about her. Like when you're doing something totally not related to her in any way whatsoever. You'll think of why you're doing this activity, and that in turn will make you think about her again. It may only be a little thought or memory, but it will be enough. I haven't physically seen mine since January, yet I still think about her almost every single day. It doesn't always make me feel bad, sometimes I laugh at the memories, but the fact she's still so heavy in my thoughts indicates that I haven't fully healed yet. Despite all the changes you've made (well done for that) there is one thing you haven't changed yet... and that is seeing someone new and loving again. The fact is, those feelings of love are still connected to her as the last person you loved. Once you meet someone new and have those feelings again, only then will you be fully healed and your ex will be a memory that no longer hurts. It will happen, but until it does, just accept the bad times and work through them.
davesterr Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Despite all the changes you've made (well done for that) there is one thing you haven't changed yet... and that is seeing someone new and loving again. The fact is, those feelings of love are still connected to her as the last person you loved. Once you meet someone new and have those feelings again, only then will you be fully healed and your ex will be a memory that no longer hurts. It will happen, but until it does, just accept the bad times and work through them. My favorite thing i read on this entire forum. I think its true that no one can be fully healed untill they meet someone new that will seal their heart. Untill then all we can do is our best to live life and do what truely makes ourselves happy without having to be with someone else. Unfortunately this hurts like hell.
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