fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 In a prior thread (here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304777/) I wrote about how I finally got a response from a girl on Okcupid. Well, what do you know, she wasn't available on the day I asked her out for but seemed interested still in meeting up. The next week I asked her out again, but she never answered my message. I let two weeks go by and sent another one asking her how she's been, how her trip to see her friend had gone, and what she was doing for Thanksgiving, etc. She still never answered. So, I'm assuming that's the end of it. But, I can't help but wonder, did I approach everything the right way? I'd usually just chalk it up to "you win some you lose some" but when it comes to online dating, I seem to be doing an awful lot of losing...
D86 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Yup, not interested anymore. If you really wanna know text "Hi there, no hard feelings at all, but I would really appreciate if you could tell me what I did wrong to make you lose interest so I don't have the same problem in the future. Much appreciated =) "
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Yup, not interested anymore. If you really wanna know text "Hi there, no hard feelings at all, but I would really appreciate if you could tell me what I did wrong to make you lose interest so I don't have the same problem in the future. Much appreciated =) " Meh, I'm not going to send a message like that. I'll just continue to put myself through the meat grinder that is online dating.
D86 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Might as well at this point, she's totally uninterested and you might learn something... maybe you did do something really turn-offish.
Wolf18 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Sorry to hear that, you sounded really exciting in that other thread. Always prepare for the worst no matter how interested a woman seems at first. Don't be so quick to think it's something you did either. Women in real life, but especially in online dating, have a zillion options, the fact that you got a response alone puts you in the .01% .
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Sorry to hear that, you sounded really exciting in that other thread. Always prepare for the worst no matter how interested a woman seems at first. Don't be so quick to think it's something you did either. Women in real life, but especially in online dating, have a zillion options, the fact that you got a response alone puts you in the .01% . Yeah. I guess I have to stop thinking that women are just as interested in men as men are in women (or at least as much as I am I suppose).
Wolf18 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Yeah. I guess I have to stop thinking that women are just as interested in men as men are in women (or at least as much as I am I suppose). They are, they just get overwhelmed with attention from very attractive males (if they're young women), especially on online dating. It's not you, it's them and a society that allows women to "sow their oats" instead of marry early. Women's choices are relative to what's around. When I was in the chess club at my high school I was one of 2 males who wasn't a stereotypical wimpy, acne ridden nerd. There was maybe 4 (if I remember correctly) girls in it, guess who got all their attention during club sessions? The girls were pretty nerdy themselves, by the way. Fast forward a few years, I go into an NYC bar and I'm a ghost. Juiced up guidos and lanky tall hipsters with good drug connections steal the show. Women in America are just sick of dealing with men. There is such a thing as too many choices ya know, add in the "bigger is better " and "the woman is never wrong" mentality in America and you've got a pretty fickle dating scene.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Women in America are just sick of dealing with men. There is such a thing as too many choices ya know, add in the "bigger is better " and "the woman is never wrong" mentality in America and you've got a pretty fickle dating scene. Sure as hell seems like it.
Cypress25 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Well, some women are picky. Not necessarily a bad thing; if you're looking for a compatible partner, it makes sense to be selective. No point in dating someone if you're not compatible. I mean, I don't respond to most messages on dating sites, but that doesn't mean I'm sick of men or I'm sowing wild oats. I'm just not dating, because I haven't found anyone I like. Or the guys I like aren't interested in me (yes, women get rejected too). But I will say this. If you ask a woman out for a certain day and she's busy that day, she should counter offer ("I'm busy Friday, but how about Saturday?"). If she doesn't do that, ask her when she's free and schedule the date right then and there. Don't let a week go by and then try again. There's nothing wrong with planning a date in advance.
Wolf18 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Well, some women are picky. Not necessarily a bad thing; if you're looking for a compatible partner, it makes sense to be selective.[/Quote] Women only start thinking about compatibility after the first date. This isn't the issue, the issue is that a lot of guys are batting .000 because they don't even get an at-bat, especially with online dating. It is because women are picky, but not in the ways you're suggesting. No point in dating someone if you're not compatible. I mean, I don't respond to most messages on dating sites, but that doesn't mean I'm sick of men or I'm sowing wild oats. I'm just not dating, because I haven't found anyone I like. Or the guys I like aren't interested in me (yes, women get rejected too).[/Quote] Why are you on an internet dating site if you're not dating? Do you think that perhaps the problem that you don't like anyone has to do with you, and not men? I have a hard time to believe there's nobody at all that messages you that piques your interest, you must be a really special snowflake.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Well, some women are picky. Not necessarily a bad thing; if you're looking for a compatible partner, it makes sense to be selective. No point in dating someone if you're not compatible. I mean, I don't respond to most messages on dating sites, but that doesn't mean I'm sick of men or I'm sowing wild oats. I'm just not dating, because I haven't found anyone I like. Or the guys I like aren't interested in me (yes, women get rejected too). Yeah, I know dating can be tough for women too, but I've never been on the plus side of that tough luck you know? Like, I've never had a woman like me and me not be interested (of course I've never had a woman like me at all either). But I will say this. If you ask a woman out for a certain day and she's busy that day, she should counter offer ("I'm busy Friday, but how about Saturday?"). If she doesn't do that, ask her when she's free and schedule the date right then and there. Don't let a week go by and then try again. There's nothing wrong with planning a date in advance. I asked her when she was free originally after she said she couldn't make it the first time (not a week later) and she never wrote me back. I wrote back two weeks later on the off chance that maybe she still was interested. This online dating thing just doesn't seem to work for me
Cypress25 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Women only start thinking about compatibility after the first date. I can't speak for other women, but I'm thinking about compatibility right from the start, from the very first message he writes. His profile and the first few messages we exchange help me decide if we might be compatible. If I think we might be, then I'll agree to meet him. But why would I agree to a first date if I didn't think we could be compatible? Why are you on an internet dating site if you're not dating? Because I want to date. That's why I'm on a dating site, to try to find someone I might be compatible with. I haven't found anyone yet, so I continue looking. I'm not going to date every guy who sends me a message. I'll go on a date with a guy if I think there's potential. Do you think that perhaps the problem that you don't like anyone has to do with you, and not men? I have a hard time to believe there's nobody at all that messages you that piques your interest, you must be a really special snowflake. I never said I had a problem with men. I'm not blaming men, and I don't think it's a problem that I haven't found anyone yet. I expect it to take some time (it's only been a few months since my last relationship). There are a few men who messaged me who piqued my interest, but in some cases, it didn't go beyond a few messages, and in other cases, it didn't go beyond the first date. So, back to the drawing board. No biggie.
mammamia1 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 get over it, she's gone. Rule of thumb in online dating is you gotta email tons of women to get a few responses, since your chance is close to 0.01%. From the time of getting response to going to a date, your chance is reduced by another 10 times. And some women (like me) get on dating site "just to look around", rarely meeting anyone. One time I went because I was broke and couldn't buy dinner.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 get over it, she's gone. Rule of thumb in online dating is you gotta email tons of women to get a few responses, since your chance is close to 0.01%. From the time of getting response to going to a date, your chance is reduced by another 10 times. And some women (like me) get on dating site "just to look around", rarely meeting anyone. One time I went because I was broke and couldn't buy dinner. I'm not too torn up about this particular girl, I'm more just frustrated with my continued lack of progress. I tried online dating because I wasn't having any luck with "normal" dating (approaching strange women, asking them out etc.). And in 18 months I've met one girl off the site (nothing came of it or course). I don't know, I guess I'd like to actually date someone, have a girlfriend for once. Doesn't look like it's ever going to happen.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Stop worrying so much about getting girls and just have fun with it. Go after girls in the real world. Works much better then going after girls over the internet. Seriously you already know what to do but you're to afraid to just do it. If you're going to go after girls on the net stop being lame. Send them a msg like " I want to fart on you!" That will get responses.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 People online date when they can't get someone in the real world. You miss the obvious. He can get some one in the real world he doesn't try.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 That's a boneheaded conclusion to make. You just don't understand, but you could try to understand. See what did there I took it full circle.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 You're just talking down to me. It's obvious everybody wants to make an enemy of me on here. Come on cloud guy now's not the time to feel sorry for yourself. Why don't you try!
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Why not stop talking down to me? I'm nearly twice his age. You're talking down to yourself and you're ruining this thread by making all about you and going off topic. How dare you!
Ilovewater Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I know it's tough to not get good results but keep trying and you might find one that works. I had a friend who went through the same thing. 25-year-old, never had a relationship, never been kissed, never had a girl interested in him. He kept trying, and rejections didn't seem to affect him very much. I never understood how he kept going after so many rejections, but he said he just grew thick skin and didn't really care. He eventually found an extremely nice girl after randomly hitting on her on a bus to New York.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Stop worrying so much about getting girls and just have fun with it. Go after girls in the real world. Works much better then going after girls over the internet. Seriously you already know what to do but you're to afraid to just do it. If you're going to go after girls on the net stop being lame. Send them a msg like " I want to fart on you!" That will get responses. I don't meet women in the real world. I'm too chicken to talk to strange women out in public (not to mention I rarely see women my own age at the places I go to). So I'm trying to use online dating as a way to get some confidence. Too bad that plan has backfired.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I don't meet women in the real world. I'm too chicken to talk to strange women out in public (not to mention I rarely see women my own age at the places I go to). So I'm trying to use online dating as a way to get some confidence. Too bad that plan has backfired. I used to be to chicken too. Then I snapped. Was around the time I graduated college at 22. Believe women your age are every where. Not to mention you should feel ok to date girls as young as 18 if they're hot. You're looking for some excitement and fun. So stop settling for the lame hum drum of sending out internet msgs that can be ingored. You can't be ignored when they feel your gaze burning into them and you look them up and down. Flirting is just being silly. So when that cute girl at the check out asks you paper or plastic get into a discussion about how they don't make paper bags like they used to or something. When you see a girl waiting for the rain to slow down and you have an umbrella offer to escort her to her car under your umbrella. For the love of Mike flirt and ask women out in real life. As far as the internet girls go stop so much trying to get them to like you and more go for getting a rise out of them that you yourself enjoy. It's more about your enjoyment in the begining because thats the best insurance they will be having fun. Remember girls want a guy who is having fun with them, not asking them if they are having fun... think about it. GET OUT THERE and do what you've always wanted to do you stud.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Flirt with the wrong one and you'll get the crap beaten out of you. Well if it was the girl doing the beating that would be kind of sexy. No ones ever beaten me up for flirting with a girl and you can't go around being scared of things like that.
Dust Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I have been. See proof. I've hit on many women and never been beaten up. You worry and have been beaten up. So logic follows stop worying and just live your life.
oaks Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 But, I can't help but wonder, did I approach everything the right way? It sounds like you did everything right. She probably met someone while she was still only talking with you and didn't have the balls to say so, or something equally not-your-fault. Maybe you said something that she didn't like, but if that's the case then you and her weren't compatible over whatever that issue was, so that's technically a good result (because you didn't waste your time/money/emotions on dating her). Sorry it didn't work out.
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