Madam Linwe Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Back story:My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I got married at 19, him at 26. It felt bad to begin with because we only knew each other for less than 1 year before marriage, and I never moved out on my own. I know, dumb, I know. He is a super perfectionist. I have a lot of baggage, that I'm trying to take care of, most of it having to do with emotional intelligence, If I'm over I don't think as well. I'm a sensitive girl, who wants to please people. I haven't been allowed to do a things in my life, and dealt with people thinking I was dumb, when I wasn't. I'm not though, I got my a.a degree, and I did it well. I know a lot of things, and understand a lot of psychology. The problem:This last year got really bad, to the point of my almost leaving him. He ended up leaving, for reasons, I'd rather not explain, but he came back, and said he realized he bi***** about a lot of stupid crap, so i decided to do even better..as long as he was. Problem is, he isn't, it's the same stupid problem all over again. He yells at me every time I make a small mistake, or If I express an opinion. He tells me I'm always ruining everything, and basically, he makes me feel like ****. He knows how he makes me feel, and we are going to marriage counseling. Nothing is getting better, the more I stay, the more I feel like ****. Everyone has there bad days, and everyone fights, which makes me want to stay..but, I just don't know anymore. I love him, but I don't feel loved, I'm doing my best to be in control of the things he hates about me (not always noticing things, not always communicating things well), but he isn't doing crap to help his side. I've talked to him about it, and all he says is..that he should be nicer..or he comes up with some lame ass excuse as to why it was ok for him to treat me like some child who doesn't know crap. Advice? thoughts? I can give more info if needed.
D-Lish Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I think you already know what you need to do, maybe you just have to work up the courage to do it. You aren't happy, you don't feel loved, your Husband is controlling and emotionally abusive, and you said you don't see any hope for change. Given everything you've mentioned I see no reason for you to remain in the marriage. You're in a bad situation that is hopeless, that's no way to live. There is a happier life in store for you should you choose to seek it.
Author Madam Linwe Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 thank you. I guess i just worry about giving up too soon. I talked to a friend of mine who is going through similar ****, and she isn't giving up. (of course she is still in year 1 of marriage). I just don't want to be a giver uper..i just feel like if I stay to much longer..i'll hurt myself. I'm doing the best I can to find a job that's stay at home, so I can still take care of our child who is 1.5 years old. I think you already know what you need to do, maybe you just have to work up the courage to do it. You aren't happy, you don't feel loved, your Husband is controlling and emotionally abusive, and you said you don't see any hope for change. Given everything you've mentioned I see no reason for you to remain in the marriage. You're in a bad situation that is hopeless, that's no way to live. There is a happier life in store for you should you choose to seek it.
D-Lish Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Having a child makes it harder to leave a bad marriage. If you feel your Husband isn't open to change- I don't think you'd be giving up. What about your parents? Do they live close? Do you have options should you choose to leave? Even if you're not ready just yet, it's still good to explore your options should things stay the way they are.
Author Madam Linwe Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Having a child makes it harder to leave a bad marriage. If you feel your Husband isn't open to change- I don't think you'd be giving up. What about your parents? Do they live close? Do you have options should you choose to leave? Even if you're not ready just yet, it's still good to explore your options should things stay the way they are. Yeah, my mom lives 30 min from me..she drives me crazy..if worse cane to worse, I could live with her. The part I have trouble with is sometimes he can act nice. Like today, he said we were celebrating "5 years, 5 mintues and our 5 day anniversary of our marriage." it was sweet of him to rember..I was thinking about just asking him if we could sepertate within our own house for awhile, I just don't know if I should do it tonight, or after the holidays, I'm worried I'll talk myself into thinking everything is ok when it's not.
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