nixa Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) So, I'm feeling super neurotic and dramatic and I'm concerned that I'm building myself up to misbehave later on when the situation I'm nervous about actually arises. I have no idea what's wrong with me or why I feel this way, but I'm trying to work it out. If anyone has any advice or insight it would be appreciated. So, this incident is seemingly unrelated, but in my mind it is contributing to my current drama queen feelings. Several weeks ago my bf posted a picture of me on FB. I was wearing a very conservative sheath dress, breasts fully covered, but evidently my boobs looked big (I was pregnant at the time, which no one knew except my bf and me, but that's probably the reason). I have no idea why, but one girl my bf and I are acquainted with commented on how "nice" my breasts looked in the picture, which prompted 2 male acquaintances of ours to go back and forth making similar comments (probably 2 dozen comments in all), being smartasses. I personally found it disrespectful, and a couple other people did also. One of my guy friends actually commented on the photo, calling them out on their creepy comments, but that just egged them on and prompted more comments. My bf didn't say ANYTHING online or to me, remove the picture, NOTHING, which kind of bothered me. I don't want him to act like a jealous psycho, but being a little protective and wanting people to respect me would be nice.... this kind of sums up his attitude in general I think. This brings me to my current neurotic self-created situation. This weekend I am meeting one of my bf's "best" friends (who has cheated on every gf he has ever had) and his fiance (whom he knew for only 2 months before proposing - the bitch in me says she just wants a green card). The friend sent my bf a picture awhile ago of the fiance (which my bf never showed me and I suspect was a naked photo), and I can tell that my bf thinks she is ridiculously hot. Apparently she is also very outgoing, and I know from a Google search that she is also involved in an industry that my bf is very interested in. My bf is not as attentive to me as I would like when we are in group situations. I'm much more shy and introverted than my bf, and I'm worried that in this situation he's going to be paying tons of attention to his friend/fiance and I will be left out. I'm concerned that I will feel angry over this especially because I know my bf finds this girl attractive. I know that another part of the reason I'm feeling this way is that the friend won't go out to bars after the event we are going to because he is concerned that he will get into a fight because of guys talking to his fiance (a situation I have never found myself in - I don't think I'm unattractive, but guys don't hit on me). I know that this is completely ridiculous, but this actually makes me feel really bad about about how hot his fiance evidently is, and the fact that he actually gives a **** how other people treat his fiance (going back to the photo). My face is very transparent and I'm worried that it will be obvious if I'm annoyed or angry when we are all hanging out, particularly if my bf is paying tons of attention to this girl. I'm getting my hair done the day that we are doing something with them to help me feel more confident, but what else can I do to control my outrageous feelings? Edited November 21, 2011 by nixa
Author nixa Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Now, based on a phone/text exchange we just had I suspect that my bf is gearing himself up for a fight with me, where he gets to peg me as the bad guy who has a problem (so no matter what he does, I'm the one at fault, for being unreasonable and angry for no reason). I think that we are both wary about specific social situations, because when one specific person is involved I usually end up mad at him, while he refuses to acknowledge my point of view. I won't get into that, since obviously no one is interested. But he seems to be setting up a situation for this weekend: He has plans to go out tonight that he neglected to tell me about until late last night (despite knowing for weeks). He called me after work, evidently just to say hi....the conversation was led by him and consisted of "Hey, what are you up to" (working), "Cool, I'm off to blah blah blah blah, so I guess I should get going" (OK, have fun! bye!). To which I got a text saying: Gee.... Great talkin to u. I love u too... (he didn't say I love you before hanging up, but apparently I was supposed to). Wth is his problem??
shocked_confused Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I have no idea why, but one girl my bf and I are acquainted with commented on how "nice" my breasts looked in the picture, which prompted 2 male acquaintances of ours to go back and forth making similar comments (probably 2 dozen comments in all), being smartasses. I personally found it disrespectful, and a couple other people did also. One of my guy friends actually commented on the photo, calling them out on their creepy comments, but that just egged them on and prompted more comments. My bf didn't say ANYTHING online or to me, remove the picture, NOTHING, which kind of bothered me. I don't want him to act like a jealous psycho, but being a little protective and wanting people to respect me would be nice... Your boyfriend definitely should have said something to these acquaintances. Their comments were disrespectful and your bf dropped the ball by not telling them to back off. Did you talk to him about this at all? Maybe he so comfortable in the relationship that he doesn't feel threatened by the comments, thus doesn't feel the need to say anything. That's not a great excuse though, you were understandably offended and he should have stepped up. The friend sent my bf a picture awhile ago of the fiance (which my bf never showed me and I suspect was a naked photo), and I can tell that my bf thinks she is ridiculously hot. Apparently she is also very outgoing, and I know from a Google search that she is also involved in an industry that my bf is very interested in. Does it really reallllly matter if he thinks she's hot? Either way, it's his friend's fiance so I don't think you have anything to worry about. People are always going to find other people attractive whether they are in a relationship or not, it's inevitable. Do you not find other men attractive aside from your bf? Does your man have anything to worry about with other men you find attractive? No, right? If he loves you, you have nothing to worry about.
shocked_confused Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 But he seems to be setting up a situation for this weekend: He has plans to go out tonight that he neglected to tell me about until late last night (despite knowing for weeks). He called me after work, evidently just to say hi....the conversation was led by him and consisted of "Hey, what are you up to" (working), "Cool, I'm off to blah blah blah blah, so I guess I should get going" (OK, have fun! bye!). To which I got a text saying: Gee.... Great talkin to u. I love u too... (he didn't say I love you before hanging up, but apparently I was supposed to). Wth is his problem?? Ok, he clearly loves and cares about you. He wants to have a more engaging conversation with him and your giving him peanuts. He senses that something is up with you but doesn't know what the problem is. I think your being a little hard on him. Just be up front and let him know how you feel. Don't be confrontational because he hasn't done anything wrong, just talk about how you feel and let him know you want him to be more attentive to you. Are you attentive to him? He might feel the same way you do about him judging from his texts...
Author nixa Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Ok, he clearly loves and cares about you. He wants to have a more engaging conversation with him and your giving him peanuts. He senses that something is up with you but doesn't know what the problem is. I think your being a little hard on him. Just be up front and let him know how you feel. Don't be confrontational because he hasn't done anything wrong, just talk about how you feel and let him know you want him to be more attentive to you. Are you attentive to him? He might feel the same way you do about him judging from his texts... I'm not sure how you got this from what I posted, but I guess that's why I'm here. I thought we had a perfectly normal, short, checking-in type of conversation, and didn't think anything was wrong with it until I got his passive aggressive text message. We've had discussions about his attentiveness, or lack thereof, in the past. He definitely does not feel the same way I do.
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