kicknit Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Ok about 3 weeks ago my ex and I decided to take a "break". This turned into us texting each other every night but never seeing each other. I told her I did not want false hope anymore and I was either in or out. We went with out. About a week later after a couple texts and one phone argument, I decided I needed to get my things. I went over there and had written a nice two page letter apologizing for all the times we have hurt each other and thanked her for sharing the last two years of her life with me. It also said I love you so I have to say goodbye. It was time for me. We had a nice face to face 10 minute talk and a long hug and then I left. 10 minutes later I get a text saying "Thank you. You are wonderful." I did not respond. An hour later I get one "It makes me sad you won't respond to me." I am lost here. Do I say something or start NC? We didn't have a rough break up nor did either of us do any pleading or anything wrong for that matter. We literally just didn't see each other for three weeks. I am not sure if NC is the way to go but I feel like she needs to know I won't be there for her if we are not together. I also feel like NC might lose my chances of getting her back if that is what we decide to do. HELP me please.
chados Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Ok about 3 weeks ago my ex and I decided to take a "break". This turned into us texting each other every night but never seeing each other. I told her I did not want false hope anymore and I was either in or out. We went with out. About a week later after a couple texts and one phone argument, I decided I needed to get my things. I went over there and had written a nice two page letter apologizing for all the times we have hurt each other and thanked her for sharing the last two years of her life with me. It also said I love you so I have to say goodbye. It was time for me. We had a nice face to face 10 minute talk and a long hug and then I left. 10 minutes later I get a text saying "Thank you. You are wonderful." I did not respond. An hour later I get one "It makes me sad you won't respond to me." I am lost here. Do I say something or start NC? We didn't have a rough break up nor did either of us do any pleading or anything wrong for that matter. We literally just didn't see each other for three weeks. I am not sure if NC is the way to go but I feel like she needs to know I won't be there for her if we are not together. I also feel like NC might lose my chances of getting her back if that is what we decide to do. HELP me please. this one is hard, why didn't you just communicate before you decided to leave and regret it. if she loves you she will contact you again if youre going NC, im almost positive about that. but in your case i think you talk to her instead. why did you even decide to take the break? could be useful for the people her to know
Author kicknit Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 this one is hard, why didn't you just communicate before you decided to leave and regret it. if she loves you she will contact you again if youre going NC, im almost positive about that. but in your case i think you talk to her instead. why did you even decide to take the break? could be useful for the people her to know We were sitting on the couch one day and I noticed something was bothering her. I reluctantly asked her what was wrong. She replied " I think we are too comfortable" I recently had to move back into my parents house at age 24 and I think that bothers her too. She was right though, we were too comfortable. It is both of our faults for not keeping that spark going. This is when the break started. During the break I never asked her to get back with me but made it clear that I was willing to work at it together. That was honestly how I felt. We both obviously love each other but she still said not now, things have to change. I asked her how can we change them if we are not together? She obviously didn't feel the same way. I could feel her slipping away and did not want to keep my hopes up when she wouldn't allow me to work on us together. I know what this means. I just do not think it is wise to keep offering myself to her to be turned down. That is why I said in or out. My emotions wouldn't let me continue just texting her at night, wondering what she was doing, and longing to be with her. I just have nothing else to offer her. I have found my own place and am even working on getting a more reputable job (tough economy by the way). So I wrote the letter and now I am here. Stuck. I have not responded to either text she sent me and I have just received one more: "I'm sorry to bother you again but did something happen today? Whay are you ignoring me?" I have absolutely no clue what to do. I do not want to seem desperate and I just seem to be lost for words. I feel like between the three weeks we were texting and the letter I wrote there is literally nothing else to say. I thank you for your time and advice because it is greatly appreciated.
ChelseaLS Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Hmm... does she know you don't want / can't text and or be her friends?
Author kicknit Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Hmm... does she know you don't want / can't text and or be her friends? I think so. That was the whole point of us taking our break to actually breaking up because I didn't want to do the whole waiting around thing. Maybe she is just trying to be friends but that will never happen for me. I just have way too many feelings for this girl to be able to do that. I just am not sure if I am supposed to tell her that I can't talk to her. I am so confused because I feel like there is still something there and don't want her to react in a negative way to it like I am ignoring her or don't want anything to do with her.
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I think so. That was the whole point of us taking our break to actually breaking up because I didn't want to do the whole waiting around thing. Maybe she is just trying to be friends but that will never happen for me. I just have way too many feelings for this girl to be able to do that. I just am not sure if I am supposed to tell her that I can't talk to her. I am so confused because I feel like there is still something there and don't want her to react in a negative way to it like I am ignoring her or don't want anything to do with her. i've said this so many times. either go NC, or tell her "i accept the breakup, i know why this happened and its sad it didnt work out, but now i need some space from you. then go NC. im not saying this is the best advice for everyone, but i really think this is most effective advice anyone can give you, she's feeling that she's loosing you. if she loves you, she will do anything to get you back.
Author kicknit Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 i've said this so many times. either go NC, or tell her "i accept the breakup, i know why this happened and its sad it didnt work out, but now i need some space from you. then go NC. im not saying this is the best advice for everyone, but i really think this is most effective advice anyone can give you, she's feeling that she's loosing you. if she loves you, she will do anything to get you back. Thanks guys she ended up calling me and leaving a voicemail making sure that I wasn't in any type of accident or anything. She then called back about an hour later and I answered it. I probably shouldn't have because I wanted there to be more time before we contacted each other again but I couldn't resist. I couldn't have her feeling like something bad had happened to me. We talked and I openly expressed how I felt and she began by saying not now. I was shocked and felt like everything went 5 steps backwards from what I had accomplished by accepting the break up. I told her this and told her not to contact me anymore if she was just going to reiterate that we shouldn't be together. I ALREADY KNEW THIS! I told her I could not be her security blanket by her texting me and saying she misses me but doesn't want to be together. She can talk to her friends about that stuff. This threw her for a loop. She then began to come out and tell me what has really been on her mind. I find this useful information to all because it can show what the other person is thinking. She began to open up and tell me that she did this because it wasn't working and she thought she had begun to lose feeling for me in a romantic way. She soon realized that after we had spent some time apart that she truly loves me and wants nothing more to be with me. She holds on to that every day working on what she needs to do to become a better individual within our relationship. The good thing is that I have been changing as well. We talked about what we have been doing and the conversation went from hostile to calm. What a relief. She informed she was going to go out of town for Thanksgiving and said she would not bother me. She wants me to know that she will be thinking about me and us. She said that she has never let go of us getting back together because it is what she knows she wants now. She said that when I am ready to give her a call, do it and that we would go out to lunch and see what happened. I think she needs to know I'm sincere about us as well and am actually making moves to motivate myself and have a better lifestyle. Like I said I have found my own place and am looking to upgrade from a restaurant to a more career oriented job (helping troubled/disabled children and teens). The reason I wanted to share is that in this case and in others the person feels the same way you do. They want to get back together. They have accepted that things need to change but not necessarily the break up itself. I think some people just need to have that "upper hand" and feel in control of the breakup by knowing the other person is hurting too but make it seem like you are not. It is basic psychology. Some things take time and if your woman/man loves you he or she isn't going to run around with every man in town. I think it is best to stay positive. Don't give yourself false hope but know what you want and what you need to do to get what you want and the rest will happen on its own. It all starts with YOU. We have a lot of work ahead of us. I hope it does work out but if it doesn't then it doesn't. I am not sure when I am going to contact her yet but I am thinking a little bit before Christmas. I am going to give it almost another month and then see where I stand on this whole thing. I am just honestly relieved that we spoke and the ball is in our court, not mine, not hers.
chados Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Thanks guys she ended up calling me and leaving a voicemail making sure that I wasn't in any type of accident or anything. She then called back about an hour later and I answered it. I probably shouldn't have because I wanted there to be more time before we contacted each other again but I couldn't resist. I couldn't have her feeling like something bad had happened to me. We talked and I openly expressed how I felt and she began by saying not now. I was shocked and felt like everything went 5 steps backwards from what I had accomplished by accepting the break up. I told her this and told her not to contact me anymore if she was just going to reiterate that we shouldn't be together. I ALREADY KNEW THIS! I told her I could not be her security blanket by her texting me and saying she misses me but doesn't want to be together. She can talk to her friends about that stuff. This threw her for a loop. She then began to come out and tell me what has really been on her mind. I find this useful information to all because it can show what the other person is thinking. She began to open up and tell me that she did this because it wasn't working and she thought she had begun to lose feeling for me in a romantic way. She soon realized that after we had spent some time apart that she truly loves me and wants nothing more to be with me. She holds on to that every day working on what she needs to do to become a better individual within our relationship. The good thing is that I have been changing as well. We talked about what we have been doing and the conversation went from hostile to calm. What a relief. She informed she was going to go out of town for Thanksgiving and said she would not bother me. She wants me to know that she will be thinking about me and us. She said that she has never let go of us getting back together because it is what she knows she wants now. She said that when I am ready to give her a call, do it and that we would go out to lunch and see what happened. I think she needs to know I'm sincere about us as well and am actually making moves to motivate myself and have a better lifestyle. Like I said I have found my own place and am looking to upgrade from a restaurant to a more career oriented job (helping troubled/disabled children and teens). The reason I wanted to share is that in this case and in others the person feels the same way you do. They want to get back together. They have accepted that things need to change but not necessarily the break up itself. I think some people just need to have that "upper hand" and feel in control of the breakup by knowing the other person is hurting too but make it seem like you are not. It is basic psychology. Some things take time and if your woman/man loves you he or she isn't going to run around with every man in town. I think it is best to stay positive. Don't give yourself false hope but know what you want and what you need to do to get what you want and the rest will happen on its own. It all starts with YOU. We have a lot of work ahead of us. I hope it does work out but if it doesn't then it doesn't. I am not sure when I am going to contact her yet but I am thinking a little bit before Christmas. I am going to give it almost another month and then see where I stand on this whole thing. I am just honestly relieved that we spoke and the ball is in our court, not mine, not hers. the main reason to not contacting her is to make her miss you like you said. the reason to agree with the breakup is to let her know that you really are okey. but when you talked you said, i want you back , in other words you are not okey with the breakup. it does sound like she loves you, and i hope things works out for you, but come on man stand your ground. now you are chasing her, yes the ball is on her court, but then again it was before you talked to her to, so nothing has changed!!. you want to let her miss you and chase "you". i wish you the best, i really do, but dont chase her again
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