Ginger Beer Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 It's been just over 5 months complete NC, she emailed me this: I feel really down at the moment and its mental that you're the only person i wanna talk to about it :(im a dick for losing someone so special. You were an amazing friend and i really do think about you often. Find it in your heart to reply? xxxxxxxxxxxx I felt anxious when I saw it, it's been about an hour and I'm still a bit shaken but I'm eating my dinner now. I won't be replying as I've learned my lesson (the hard way) but I just wanted to post this and if anyone would talk about it. I think she is extremely selfish. The first thing she mentions is herself.
wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 What sticks out to me is that she used the word "friend'. That would bother me. I don't know your story at all. She broke up with you? How old is she? I noticed she called herself a "dick" and also used the word "mental" which makes me think she's very young.
smokey bear Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 ooooh thats a good one, points to note..... She sounds calm, not in a panic, this seems like a stable emotion. She's not quite there, mentions of friend. Id give her some more time. But a good email all in all, how are you? I feel that times like this are the roughest
geegirl Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Go back and read your posts about her and remind yourself who she is. She is selfish. Nothing in that email asks about you. It's about her. She's down and she needs a cushion. Don't be a cushion. When you were down she was getting drunk and revealing her breasts in public. Hope that jogs your brain. She didn't have it in her heart to protect you or your feelings. Another thing, friends don't treat friends the way she did you. And trust me, when she is over this hump, you will be tossed again. Don't be a cushion.
kat27 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Ginger Beer, good for you for realizing she's being selfish. That can be hard to do in situations like this. I do think you are right though, this seems to be all about her and her "down mood."
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 What sticks out to me is that she used the word "friend'. That would bother me. I don't know your story at all. She broke up with you? How old is she? I noticed she called herself a "dick" and also used the word "mental" which makes me think she's very young. lol, yup. She didn't break up with me, it got to a point where she was pushing me away. It's complicated. I had no choice but to go NC. She's also 19 (I'm 22). ooooh thats a good one, points to note..... She sounds calm, not in a panic, this seems like a stable emotion. She's not quite there, mentions of friend. Id give her some more time. But a good email all in all, how are you? I feel that times like this are the roughest I'm a bit shaken but I'm OK just trying to forget about this, thank you. I don't want to speak to her or want her back, she was out of order to me lots of times. She was my 1st though so I guess I have a soft spot for her (still not over her either ) Go back and read your posts about her and remind yourself who she is. She is selfish. Nothing in that email asks about you. It's about her. She's down and she needs a cushion. Don't be a cushion. When you were down she was getting drunk and revealing her breasts in public. Hope that jogs your brain. She didn't have it in her heart to protect you or your feelings. Another thing, friends don't treat friends the way she did you. And trust me, when she is over this hump, you will be tossed again. Don't be a cushion. You are right, she's probably just bored or got dumped and wants some attention. Thank you for this I've just remembered why I hate her.
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Ginger Beer, good for you for realizing she's being selfish. That can be hard to do in situations like this. I do think you are right though, this seems to be all about her and her "down mood." Agreed. There would be no point in replying at all.
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 You are right, she's probably just bored or got dumped and wants some attention. Thank you for this I've just remembered why I hate her. You shouldn't hate her. These emails suck trust me. That first one messed me up but everyone else here is spot on, just let it go. Pretend it was some guy that cut you off on the road earlier today. You were pissed for a while, admit it to yourself and just throw it away
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 You shouldn't hate her. These emails suck trust me. That first one messed me up but everyone else here is spot on, just let it go. Pretend it was some guy that cut you off on the road earlier today. You were pissed for a while, admit it to yourself and just throw it away I can't help it though. I'm still angry over everything. 5 months does seem like a long time to be angry though.
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 eh people go at their own pace. What exactly are you angry about?
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 eh people go at their own pace. What exactly are you angry about? The way she treated me. I'm not trying to mope around or feel sorry for myself or anything like that, I just haven't really got over it yet, she's still there in my mind even though she did some horrible things. It makes me have a bad opinion of all women, which I know is wrong but that's how I feel. also I forgot to mention, she actually emailed me a youtube video and said 'I saw this and thought of you' in the subject title. Irrelevant but thought I'd post it anyway.
ScienceGal Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I can't help it though. I'm still angry over everything. 5 months does seem like a long time to be angry though. Ginger Beer, I remember you from when I first started posting on here. I am at 5 months too and I'd be seriously upset/angry if the ex emailed me. You have every right to feel however you feel, so don't think for a second that you're not allowed that. Hate, anger, still a little love too. It's ok. Feel it, feel it all. And then keep moving forward. Her message is 100% self-centered. No real thoughts or details, it is basically a selfish cry for help. So, 1) this is a pathetic message that does not have your best interest at heart. And, 2) remember how terribly she treated you. You don't want to go back there. Good luck.
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Ginger Beer, I remember you from when I first started posting on here. I am at 5 months too and I'd be seriously upset/angry if the ex emailed me. You have every right to feel however you feel, so don't think for a second that you're not allowed that. Hate, anger, still a little love too. It's ok. Feel it, feel it all. And then keep moving forward. Her message is 100% self-centered. No real thoughts or details, it is basically a selfish cry for help. So, 1) this is a pathetic message that does not have your best interest at heart. And, 2) remember how terribly she treated you. You don't want to go back there. Good luck. Why would you be angry if your ex emailed you? There is a bit of me that wanted her to, to show she cares, but she doesn't really, kinda obvious from what she said I guess. I won't reply, but reading the posts in this thread help a lot.
wilsonx Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Ginger, I forgot about that, youre right you should be angry. My ex did that to me about 2 months ago... I got drunk one night, shot down at a bar, went home and posted an ad on an online hookup site with no picture of myself and hundreds of other posts. My ex created a fake email address fake profile send me 5 fake pictures of another girl and had a few email conversations back and forth. Then she emailed me from her real email account saying "I knew you were full of ****" lol Oh well... Its happened 3 more times since then. This last time it didnt phase me. It wears off
ScienceGal Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I would be angry with my ex because he treated me horribly at the end. I did everything for him and was left feeling used and unappreciated. Any message from him would not carry any weight; therefore, he should never send one. He doesn't have the emotional maturity to treat any woman well, which is why he's never had a long term relationship. If he reached out, it would most likely just be to see if he still had any control over me (for whatever reason.. because he is a sick ego-filled man, maybe he's lonely, doesn't really matter...). You can't treat someone like garbage and then email them a lame message months later. That's just low. And everyday I am a little angry with myself for still caring. But... I would read a message from him, and make a more accurate opinion at that time. Then I would come post on here just like you did! It's definitely helpful to get responses from others. Judging by what your ex wrote, it seems in your best interest to not respond.
smudge21 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 If she's so serious, why only an email? I hate that people use email, text and social media to conduct their lives these days. If something is really really important I'd be picking up the phone or going to see them. If I was only to send a text, I'd be concerned that it never got through or that the person had changed their email. Basically, I wouldn't be relying on something so basic to say something so important. You did well Ginger so don't let this set you back. You've great advice from the rest here.
punkinless Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 wow. if my ex e-mailed me idk how i would NOT e-mail her back.
EgoJoe Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 Please don't respond. I got a very similar email in intent that was alot more insensitive but still all , ME ME ME I I I. She's fishing to see where you're at. Don't bite. She needs to grow up and you're not her BF so you have no obligation to help her. What time of day/night did she send this email?
shayla Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 When I received an email from my ex I had alot of conflicting feelings. I wanted him to apologize to me for the horrible way he treated me for our entire relationship. Also I felt grateful because my father had recently died and I thought it was decent of him to send me a condolence and pay his respect to him, after all he knew my father. The email had a virus attached to it. I cannot even explain how angry I was. It proved to me once and for all that he is a pig and that I never want to see him again in any capacity. I wanted to email him back and threaten his life if he ever sent me anything else again. But I know that he wanted to cause me the most pain possible, even as I was preparing to bury my father. I went back and looked at some of our emails from the past and saw how much I hurt over the things he said and did, and I realized that some people are truly evil. Sometimes no response is the best one.
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 I would be angry with my ex because he treated me horribly at the end. I did everything for him and was left feeling used and unappreciated. Any message from him would not carry any weight; therefore, he should never send one. He doesn't have the emotional maturity to treat any woman well, which is why he's never had a long term relationship. If he reached out, it would most likely just be to see if he still had any control over me (for whatever reason.. because he is a sick ego-filled man, maybe he's lonely, doesn't really matter...). You can't treat someone like garbage and then email them a lame message months later. That's just low. And everyday I am a little angry with myself for still caring. But... I would read a message from him, and make a more accurate opinion at that time. Then I would come post on here just like you did! It's definitely helpful to get responses from others. Judging by what your ex wrote, it seems in your best interest to not respond. lol I understand what you're saying, still though, I don't feel anger because she emailed, I mean she could also have emailed to write a sincere, long apology, it's just that it was a pathetic, selfish attempt to unsettle me and see if I'd reply. If she's so serious, why only an email? I hate that people use email, text and social media to conduct their lives these days. If something is really really important I'd be picking up the phone or going to see them. If I was only to send a text, I'd be concerned that it never got through or that the person had changed their email. Basically, I wouldn't be relying on something so basic to say something so important. You did well Ginger so don't let this set you back. You've great advice from the rest here. Cheers mate, she did ring once, at the start of NC but I didn't answer. Then we had the problem when she was on holiday and she rang me on accident when she was out clubbing and left a voicemail, I dunno if you remember, since that day though the phone has been turned off. I put it away in a box and I have a new phone and number now. And as far the 2nd bit, that is true and just shows they don't care too much I guess. wow. if my ex e-mailed me idk how i would NOT e-mail her back. Trust me, I won't be replying this time. Please don't respond. I got a very similar email in intent that was alot more insensitive but still all , ME ME ME I I I. She's fishing to see where you're at. Don't bite. She needs to grow up and you're not her BF so you have no obligation to help her. What time of day/night did she send this email? My thoughts exactly. And yeah, it was around 8:30pm, so she was probably home and feeling lonely and thought she'd email. I read this time of the day is the time you're most likely to get a text or email from an ex as it's when they will be most likely to be thinking about stuff. When I received an email from my ex I had alot of conflicting feelings. I wanted him to apologize to me for the horrible way he treated me for our entire relationship. Also I felt grateful because my father had recently died and I thought it was decent of him to send me a condolence and pay his respect to him, after all he knew my father. The email had a virus attached to it. I cannot even explain how angry I was. It proved to me once and for all that he is a pig and that I never want to see him again in any capacity. I wanted to email him back and threaten his life if he ever sent me anything else again. But I know that he wanted to cause me the most pain possible, even as I was preparing to bury my father. I went back and looked at some of our emails from the past and saw how much I hurt over the things he said and did, and I realized that some people are truly evil. Sometimes no response is the best one. That is actually a really low thing to do. What a bell-end.
Author Ginger Beer Posted November 25, 2011 Author Posted November 25, 2011 I'm not a fan of bumping my threads as I don't like to annoy people and I didn't think this was thread-worthy, really. After that email from her in the week, I'm feeling great now in terms of my ex. I really am. I don't think I've been able to say that since before I fell for her. Today is just a good day though, there will be another day and I will be sad, I'm sure of that because I had a day like that not long ago but those days are happening less and less now. I don't feel as bitter towards women as I did before. I think I'm feeling a lot better over the whole thing now. I actually think it's kind of funny she sent that email if I really think about it. One of the things I worried about a lot was her meeting someone else and getting a new life and forgetting about me but right at this moment as I sit here typing I just think, so what if she does? I'm not missing out and I am actually better off without her. I've just realised it. I'm not 100% over her because I do still think about her every day, but I know one day, probably soon, I'll forget about her for a few days and then I'll suddenly realise she's not on my mind anymore. I'm glad because I really did feel the worst I've ever felt in my life for a year or so. I feel somewhat happy at the moment.
M2155 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 The "when it happens" is different for everyone but you reach a point when you realize you are finally over someone and smile. I know from the past that's always a good day, like you climbed a mountain and no going back. Hope we all get there!
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