irc333 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 ..she said, "I am seeing someone romantically now, but I'd love to go out as friends" She is Croation, is this a cultural thing? My initial response is "Well, I'm not sure I'd want to do that to your boyfriend, how would he feel about that?" Gentelman, if a woman said this to you, what's your opinion, how would you respond? I found it odd, because I thought she was single based on the fact she'd attend parties and events completely stag, and never talked about a boyfriend. Even the recent Halloween party.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Gut feeling, it's a blow off. There is no boyfriend, he's just an imaginary man she brings up to politely reject men she's not interested in. It's either that or she likes getting extra attention.
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Translates to "I am seeing someone romantically, but will let you take me out and spend money on me if you like."
Feelin Frisky Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 She's declining your advance in a way that she feels is polite and non-injurious to you. If you asked her out as "friends" now and it was just you and her, I guaranty she'd avoid it by saying she's got other plans with her b/f. Just take it that it ain't happening and move on.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I'd stick with your initial response.. which by the way was perfect... I'd also bet that she is very honest and is only interested in going out as friends..
Star Gazer Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I found it odd, because I thought she was single based on the fact she'd attend parties and events completely stag, and never talked about a boyfriend. Even the recent Halloween party. Just because she's attended parties alone doesn't mean she isn't SEEING SOMEONE ROMANTICALLY. Note: She did NOT say she has a boyfriend.
Ilovewater Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I like your response. Did she say anything to that? She probably thought that was the best to let you down without hurting your feelings. Plus, she may attend parties alone because her bf doesn't want to or is not into the party scene. Couples don't need to be tied at the hip and go everywhere together.
Nexus One Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) Response: "I want to be your lover, not your friend. I'm not going to hang around you only to see you get involved other men." She has a f*ck buddy and she's not into you enough to break that up. Which probably also means she's now not getting any emotional nourishment. In my opinion you shouldn't let yourself be used to emotionally nourish her, while she's f*cking another guy, all the while she knows you're into her. You're going to end up frustrated, because it feels unjust. I'm not saying it is unjust, after all if you go along with it it's your own choice, but it could feel unjust and that will be frustrating and it could feel like you're wasting your time. Edited November 21, 2011 by Nexus One
Mrlonelyone Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 ^^ This. Seeing someone romantically? Why be so obtuse about it? Like Nexus said it sound more like the woman has someone she really wants to be able to say is her BF. Perhaps that other guy is a FWB, or he's someone shes on date number 4 with. What we do know is she's emotionally unavailable to you.
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Well she is foreign, she may not know how to say FWB or "there's this dude I'm bangin."
I have no name Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I've gotten this line too and I don't really know what to make of it. On more than one occasion last week when asking some girls out, they told me that they have a boyfriend but they told me to add them on facebook and we could hang out as friends. I never did bother to add them. If they say they have a boyfriend, I usually move on even if I think I may have a chance with them...just not worth it
Mrlonelyone Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 @ no name. That's just one of the mind games young and / or immature women play. Some of them really have BF's some of them say it just to blow you off, some of them think it increases their "value". Unless you are a player don't play their game.
Nexus One Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Unless you are a player don't play their game. The players I know don't play games like that, takes waaay too much time. Players tend to be efficient time-wise, they gravitate towards the easiest p*ssy.
Cypress25 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 It means no. What she's doing with the other guy is none of your business. Accept the rejection and walk away.
Author irc333 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 She's declining your advance in a way that she feels is polite and non-injurious to you. If you asked her out as "friends" now and it was just you and her, I guaranty she'd avoid it by saying she's got other plans with her b/f. Just take it that it ain't happening and move on. Wow, a lot of varied responses. Some say go for it, maybe she's exploring her options ,and having a fall back plan Others say don't bother, she's got a man, and that would just be plain disrespectful to him. But, If I do go along with the whole going out as friends thing, I have to bet, she'll come up with some reason....which would usually involve her boyfriend, that will indeed take priority with spending ANY kind of time with me. But yeah, I find it odd that she would attend events alone with our circle of friends, each time she always came alone and not with him, so it might not be as serious as one would think.
Cypress25 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I find it odd that she would attend events alone with our circle of friends, each time she always came alone and not with him, so it might not be as serious as one would think. I don't think that's significant, to be honest. Maybe she just started dating this guy and it's too early in their relationship to attend events together. Maybe he has a weird schedule and has to work during these events. Maybe he just doesn't like this type of event or he feels shy in a large group of strangers, so she agreed not to drag him along. The point is, it's serious enough that she used this guy as an excuse for why she can't date you. That's not code for "It's not that serious anyway, so if you try a little harder, I might choose you over him." She was turning you down. Take it at face value.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 @ircc333 There is another possibility. As I have said many times, women care very much about the social acceptability of their partner. It is possible this man this "boyfriend" is someone she herself likes enough but she does not think you will like him OR she thinks he won't like you. It's like a situation from the old south. Ol'e massas young daughter likes a black field hand. That does not mean the missus will take that old field hand to the cotillion. We know this happened as a small percentage of "African" Americans have European maternal, mitochondrial DNA. Being in an official relationship is more complex than just liking someone else. It is a interaction between two people, and those people around them. The whole thing has to have the right chemistry.
mtber75 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Yes its partly a cultural thing...In many other cultures, men and women often go out together in a group. She probably met it this way. If you do go out with her it would be in a group setting. I wouldn't think too much into this.
insertnamehere Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Yes its partly a cultural thing...In many other cultures, men and women often go out together in a group. She probably met it this way. If you do go out with her it would be in a group setting. I wouldn't think too much into this. I think this is the case. When I was in Europe during the summer, I saw a lot of women who were out with guys and acting in a way that, in the US, suggests they were dating. In Paris, one of these women actually opened me and I told, "I thought you were with that guy over there. You guys act like you're married." She laughed it off and said, "No, we're just friends." European women are much more open to the idea of spending a night out with a guy who is just a friend. The upside? They're often more open to a one-nighter.
Author irc333 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I'd stick with your initial response.. which by the way was perfect... I'd also bet that she is very honest and is only interested in going out as friends.. Perfect answer , yes, but it pissed her off, she told me I was rude, intrusive and wasn't my business on how to tell her how she should live her life. Listen, I just want to respect her boyfriend, and I mentioned that wouldn't she think that would be kind of disrespecting him if she did spend time alone with another man?
oaks Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 ..she said, "I am seeing someone romantically now, but I'd love to go out as friends" It means she's not interested or, at least, she isn't available for dating. Do you want a new friend? Do you think she and you could really be friends (ie is she sincere and can you put aside any lust/attraction for her) ? If I only just met a woman who said that I'd probably walk away. If I knew her a bit better or circumstances meant that I knew I would keep bumping in to her socially then I might consider whether we could be friends, although I'm not sure that friendship is really on offer. I wouldn't be expecting her to ever become available to date (me) in the future.
grkBoy Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 IRC333, how long did you talk to her before she said she's seeing someone?
Author irc333 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 IRC333, how long did you talk to her before she said she's seeing someone? I would say the past couple of months, back and forth. A good while...on and off. In real life and online Why?
grkBoy Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I would say the past couple of months, back and forth. A good while...on and off. In real life and online Why? I mean that night...did you just come up and ask her out? Or did you chat for a bit, like 30-60 minutes, and then "all of a sudden" she's seeing someone the moment you ask her out? IMHO, if you chatted for that long that night, and no mention of any man...then IMHO she's not seeing anyone. Women will ALWAYS mention a man within the first 10-15 minutes of conversation if they have one. It's a little tip for you ladies to know as well. If you see a guy is trying to talk to you, and you're not into him but know he'll eventually ask you out...just say how you did something with your boyfriend in the first 10 minutes of conversation. If he's a douche or a creep, he'll try anyway...but most likely he'll be a gentleman and not bother with you. In all honesty, you women should just tell a guy you're not into him and let him deal with it...but if you are the type who lies and avoids posible conflict, then do that. I don't believe for a moment that the girl IRC333 speaks of is seeing anyone. I think she wanted to get rid of him and didn't have the backbone to just be honest.
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