BenH1000 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 OK, so I just went out last Thursday with a girl I met on an online dating site. I asked her out for what was a fairly casual first date -- museum and dessert. The first date lasted roughly 3.5 hours, and we definitely hit it off. There were no awkward silences or anything like that. Date ended, and we had a nice, long hug. I told her I had a really nice time and that I'd call her, and we then said goodnight. Next evening, I give her a call and end up leaving her a message reiterating the fact that I'd had a nice time and would like to take her out again. She texted me back shortly after letting me know she was at work, to which I responded 'figured that might be the case'. She said she had a nice time too and would 'definitely be interested' in setting something up for the coming week. I told her 'sounds great' and to hit me up when she knows her schedule (she has a pretty crazy one, as it sounds). 3 days later, and I have yet to hear anything from her. I fear that I may have scared her away by calling her the next day, but if that's the case, why would she even take the time to text back, let alone to say that she had a nice time? I'm so confused, and don't want to overreact, but it's already Monday afternoon... Any ideas as to what could be happening hear? Am I just overreacting? Or have I played my cards right? Please help.
Author BenH1000 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) Anyone...? Edited November 21, 2011 by BenH1000
jobaba Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) OK, so I just went out last Thursday with a girl I met on an online dating site. I asked her out for what was a fairly casual first date -- museum and dessert. The first date lasted roughly 3.5 hours, and we definitely hit it off. There were no awkward silences or anything like that. Date ended, and we had a nice, long hug. I told her I had a really nice time and that I'd call her, and we then said goodnight. Next evening, I give her a call and end up leaving her a message reiterating the fact that I'd had a nice time and would like to take her out again. She texted me back shortly after letting me know she was at work, to which I responded 'figured that might be the case'. She said she had a nice time too and would 'definitely be interested' in setting something up for the coming week. I told her 'sounds great' and to hit me up when she knows her schedule (she has a pretty crazy one, as it sounds). 3 days later, and I have yet to hear anything from her. I fear that I may have scared her away by calling her the next day, but if that's the case, why would she even take the time to text back, let alone to say that she had a nice time? I'm so confused, and don't want to overreact, but it's already Monday afternoon... Any ideas as to what could be happening hear? Am I just overreacting? Or have I played my cards right? Please help. Call her to get a definite. Tell her you are going to take her out again and tell her to say yes. The time is just going to be a formality if she truly likes you. I assume you guys are urban young professionals judging from the date and interactions, so I could probably also assume that she has a lot of other things going on, including maybe other guys she is dating. In NYC, for the 20 something set, that is the norm... So, give her a call, don't try and invest too much into her. Keep looking yourself. Edited November 21, 2011 by jobaba
Author BenH1000 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Call her to get a definite. Tell her you are going to take her out again and tell her to say yes. The time is just going to be a formality if she truly likes you. I assume you guys are urban young professionals judging from the date and interactions, so I could probably also assume that she has a lot of other things going on, including maybe other guys she is dating. In NYC, for the 20 something set, that is the norm... So, give her a call, don't try and invest too much into her. Keep looking yourself. Thanks for the response, truly appreciated. Do you think calling her might be showing some desperation? I've already called her and left a message, not to mention I'd left the ball in her court telling her to hit me up when she can. I'd hate to scare her away...I think I'd already made a minor faux pas calling her the next day. And this, my friends, is the part of dating that sucks!
jobaba Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Thanks for the response, truly appreciated. Do you think calling her might be showing some desperation? I've already called her and left a message, not to mention I'd left the ball in her court telling her to hit me up when she can. I'd hate to scare her away...I think I'd already made a minor faux pas calling her the next day. And this, my friends, is the part of dating that sucks! If you wait too long, a week or two, it will be worse. A call back after not hearing for three or four days is hardly suffocating a person. On another note, women don't play as many games as you think. I've been on a few first dates that went well (or at least I thought so at the time). When I tried to get a second date, it was a similar struggle to yours. I would try to figure out where I messed up. Truth is, I didn't. She was never into me in that way. Bottom line is ... no kiss = still platonic, at best. If you guys had a good time, it's all about physical attraction at this point.
Author BenH1000 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 If you wait too long, a week or two, it will be worse. A call back after not hearing for three or four days is hardly suffocating a person. On another note, women don't play as many games as you think. I've been on a few first dates that went well (or at least I thought so at the time). When I tried to get a second date, it was a similar struggle to yours. I would try to figure out where I messed up. Truth is, I didn't. She was never into me in that way. Bottom line is ... no kiss = still platonic, at best. If you guys had a good time, it's all about physical attraction at this point. OK...perhaps I'll text her in the next couple of days. Re: no kiss on a first date = platonic at best. I'd disagree. No matter how much I like a girl on the first date, I'm not sure I'd kiss her. That shouldn't be abnormal. Perhaps after the 2nd date, yes, but I think a nice hug after date no. 1 is pretty common, no?
jobaba Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 OK...perhaps I'll text her in the next couple of days. Re: no kiss on a first date = platonic at best. I'd disagree. No matter how much I like a girl on the first date, I'm not sure I'd kiss her. That shouldn't be abnormal. Perhaps after the 2nd date, yes, but I think a nice hug after date no. 1 is pretty common, no? Yea, a hug is pretty common. But you don't know where you stand after that. And ya might not get another date. Know what I mean? Even the prude, nice girls I know (friends of mine) are not averse to kissing a man they like on the first date. And a lot of girls will do a LOT more ... know what I mean... When I was younger, I was more like you ... get to know her more, MORE, MORE! These days, if I like a girl I take out, I pull the trigger on the first date. Sometimes, if I don't like her I do too!
Author BenH1000 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Yea, a hug is pretty common. But you don't know where you stand after that. And ya might not get another date. Know what I mean? Even the prude, nice girls I know (friends of mine) are not averse to kissing a man they like on the first date. And a lot of girls will do a LOT more ... know what I mean... When I was younger, I was more like you ... get to know her more, MORE, MORE! These days, if I like a girl I take out, I pull the trigger on the first date. Sometimes, if I don't like her I do too! Maybe. I like to play things safe on the first date. 2nd dates are, in my opinion, where you begin to inject some risk into the equation. I think I'm going to let this girl contact me. I'll come off desperate if I reach out to her again, as I've already left the ball in her court. She's a very busy girl, so hopefully that's what's why I haven't heard from her. We shall see...
Leegh Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) OK, so I just went out last Thursday with a girl I met on an online dating site. I asked her out for what was a fairly casual first date -- museum and dessert. The first date lasted roughly 3.5 hours, and we definitely hit it off. There were no awkward silences or anything like that. Date ended, and we had a nice, long hug. I told her I had a really nice time and that I'd call her, and we then said goodnight. Next evening, I give her a call and end up leaving her a message reiterating the fact that I'd had a nice time and would like to take her out again. She texted me back shortly after letting me know she was at work, to which I responded 'figured that might be the case'. She said she had a nice time too and would 'definitely be interested' in setting something up for the coming week. I told her 'sounds great' and to hit me up when she knows her schedule (she has a pretty crazy one, as it sounds). 3 days later, and I have yet to hear anything from her. I fear that I may have scared her away by calling her the next day, but if that's the case, why would she even take the time to text back, let alone to say that she had a nice time? I'm so confused, and don't want to overreact, but it's already Monday afternoon... Any ideas as to what could be happening hear? Am I just overreacting? Or have I played my cards right? Please help. I think you should definitely call her again. When you said to her " 'sounds great', and to hit me up when she knows her schedule", it could be confused as just being a polite way to end the conversation. I don't think you gave her a strong enough sign for her to call you. I think when you call her again you should ask her out for a specific day or find out what days she is off. Was she on the quiet side? In general, girls prefer it if guys call them in the early stages, unless the girls are on the aggressive side. I think she likes you, but she's probably waiting to hear from you. Edited November 21, 2011 by Leegh typo
mtber75 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Thanks for the response, truly appreciated. Do you think calling her might be showing some desperation? I've already called her and left a message, not to mention I'd left the ball in her court telling her to hit me up when she can. I'd hate to scare her away...I think I'd already made a minor faux pas calling her the next day. And this, my friends, is the part of dating that sucks! I say call her back one more time after a couple of days and have a set plan for a (Future) date. Leaving the ball in her court might show that your not very interested (in her eyes). You have to take the lead here...At least the first couple times around:) If she doesn't response to your second request than move on!
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 You dropped the ball when you put in her court to ask you out.. Call her.. set something up and if you get her voice mail give her the date and time you want to get her to go out with you.. In other words.. ask her out.. If you hea nothing back after doing that then the answer is in the silence...
Author BenH1000 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Thanks for the feedback everyone. It's surprising to hear that leaving the ball in her court after leaving her a message would be dropping the ball, as I figured targeting a specific date could be a bit pressuring for her. Also, is it preferable at this point to call her vs. texting her? I almost would rather text at this point, since she seems more comfortable with texting vs. calling (we haven't spoken on the phone yet...all communication has been via text or email).
Author BenH1000 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Posted November 24, 2011 Good news Love Shackers! I texted her last night to see if she'd be interested in meeting up next weekend, and she said yes! Now I just need to figure out two things: 1) What we're going to do (she gets out of work really late, like 11) 2) I need to compliment her/make the "first touch" at some point in the date, but I need to do this gracefully Any tips/ideas??
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