qqqttt Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 It's taken 3 months, but I've finally gotten my ex to the point where he is okay with (and possibly excited about?) hanging out together. He's been a little hot and cold lately. For example, he responds to those short texts that you can't really respond to. I said "lol," and he wrote back. The next day he initiated contact at work and seemed really worried about me finding another guy. All I said was "don't ask questions you know the answers to." This freaked him out. The next day he only initiated contact once. We texted for a while, but it was a very superficial conversation and he didn't seem interested in talking. Maybe I'm over-analyzing it or maybe he's starting to question himself. Anyways! We're supposed to hang out this Wednesday. I'm very close with his mother. She told me that the problem with us is that we don't do anything "fun" together anymore. All we do is watch tv and go out to eat. We used to sneak into parks and swing like little kids, be obnoxious in stores, play stupid games together. We used to laugh a lot, but as we settled in more, all that sort of died down. I want him to see that we can still have fun together. I also don't want to make it look like I've planned it. For example, I don't want to be like, "oh hey, let's go bowling," "let's go skateboard," etc. I'm trying to think of really inconspicuous activities we can do together that will give us a chance to have that kind of fun again. I've even gone so far as to learning how to play Black OPS and Battlefield just so we can bond over that, but he never wants to because it's not a challenge for him to beat me! Ideas?
Jono85 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 my idea would be to stop trying to hard to get back with him, and let him come after you if that's what he wants. he may not want that though, and you seem to be putting a lot of eggs and emotional investment in getting him back. personally i would be working on myself, and if he wants another chance maybe he'll get one, but i'd be pretending like that's done. so his mom has to come and tell you that u guys stopped doing fun things? he couldn't tell you himself and try to save the relationship? just move on, be yourself (eg. not learning video games or any other things he enjoys just to bond with him), and work on yourself, meet new people, etc. if he wants you back he'll put the effort in, but don't expect it.
smokey bear Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I agree, been there done that, it didnt work. But it did help me to move on, we met up and caught up, had a great time. But it didnt change anything. When i saw him and how different he is it gave me closure. He's not the person i fell in love with, do i still hold out hope, yes because one day he will return to the person he was before only wiser. Do i wait, yes but not in a im waiting for him way, simply he has a chance until im fully healed and i wont be dating anyone until im fully healed. Did it help our situation, i think so yes. When we think back we remeber that last meeting, the nice ending, not the nasty break up. Did anything come of it, yes he broke nc a few times after, i asked what he wanted and he said he didnt know what he wanted, we are back to nc. He did offer sex, which i refused, which he replied i would regret it and would never get to have sex with him again, strange response in my view but thats what happens. I do believe that a dumpers feeling to get back together is a gradual process not an on the spot, ooomp it hits them. I think if you hung around while this realisation forms, you will be friend zoned or stop the progression. They have to miss you. There are 2 routes, hang out but you have to be strong and pretend like you dont care, i think this is nearly impossible for anyone, and hurts a lot. or see him once and then go back nc, for recon there does have to be some process of meeting again etc, but just give him a sniff then go back nc good luck and keep us posted
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