zedian Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I just recently found out that my boyfriend of two years been a regulars with the so called sensual massage therapists. Exactly how long this has been going for I am not sure, but I think it could be a year or even more who knows. I found text messages on his phone with unsaved numbers and they were kind of like hey I so you on backpage are you available or I am here ..... It is not unusual for me to check his phone since we live together and he knows I know his password. When I then called him while he was at work and he had gotten some massages. However when I looked these names and numbers on the internet. They do advertise massages, but eve an 8 year old would know its sex they are selling. He denies ever having sex with them, but did agree to getting hand jobs. I don't believe him! I broke up with him and he keeps saying he is sorry. I am devastated by this. We had a fun relationship and I trusted him with all my heart. I dont know how many massages he got, but he was on the escort review websites review hookers, basically what they call a hobbyist. Cant stop crying and don't know why he cheated, we had sex a lot since we live together. This has been the worst week of my life. Worst thing is that he has no real answer to why it happened, just sorry.
KathyM Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I just recently found out that my boyfriend of two years been a regulars with the so called sensual massage therapists. Exactly how long this has been going for I am not sure, but I think it could be a year or even more who knows. I found text messages on his phone with unsaved numbers and they were kind of like hey I so you on backpage are you available or I am here ..... It is not unusual for me to check his phone since we live together and he knows I know his password. When I then called him while he was at work and he had gotten some massages. However when I looked these names and numbers on the internet. They do advertise massages, but eve an 8 year old would know its sex they are selling. He denies ever having sex with them, but did agree to getting hand jobs. I don't believe him! I broke up with him and he keeps saying he is sorry. I am devastated by this. We had a fun relationship and I trusted him with all my heart. I dont know how many massages he got, but he was on the escort review websites review hookers, basically what they call a hobbyist. Cant stop crying and don't know why he cheated, we had sex a lot since we live together. This has been the worst week of my life. Worst thing is that he has no real answer to why it happened, just sorry. He's only sorry his actions were discovered. He's sorry he hurt you. But he obviously did not value his relationship with you enough to be faithful. I just wish these men that aren't interested in being faithful or who have an interest in "hobbying" would just do women a favor and stay single and stop living a double life. It's so unfair and hurtful to their spouse or SO. Why bother having a gf or wife if you want to engage in multiple hookups? Why not stay single if a person doesn't want a committed lifestyle? I would think guys would have more of a conscience and not want to hurt someone they love so badly, but unfortunately, some of them don't appear to have a conscience at all.
nyrias2 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 He's only sorry his actions were discovered. He's sorry he hurt you. But he obviously did not value his relationship with you enough to be faithful. I just wish these men that aren't interested in being faithful or who have an interest in "hobbying" would just do women a favor and stay single and stop living a double life. It's so unfair and hurtful to their spouse or SO. Why bother having a gf or wife if you want to engage in multiple hookups? Why not stay single if a person doesn't want a committed lifestyle? I would think guys would have more of a conscience and not want to hurt someone they love so badly, but unfortunately, some of them don't appear to have a conscience at all. You have lots of questions and complaints. Obviously none is really a solution. You are certainly not born yesterday and believe everyone has a conscience, do you? And i am quite sure cheating is not the only unfair thing people have ever done. Those principles, being fair, and have a conscience, sounds pretty good on paper but it is pretty difficult to put in most people, uh? As most statistics have pointed out.
StrongerThanB4 Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 You have lots of questions and complaints. Obviously none is really a solution. You are certainly not born yesterday and believe everyone has a conscience, do you? And i am quite sure cheating is not the only unfair thing people have ever done. Those principles, being fair, and have a conscience, sounds pretty good on paper but it is pretty difficult to put in most people, uh? As most statistics have pointed out. So is this advise you would give your 20 yr old daughter when she finds out her boyfriend has been checking out escorts? Sounds like another fueled AP trying to make excuses!
norajane Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Cant stop crying and don't know why he cheated, we had sex a lot since we live together. This has been the worst week of my life. Worst thing is that he has no real answer to why it happened, just sorry. I'm sorry this happened. I hope you have friends and family than can help you through your break-up. Your ex is addicted to the thrill and the forbidden. Some men are addicted to porn, some addicted to gambling, and some are addicted to the thrill of "massage" sex on demand. You are not required to accept this in a partner, especially if they are giving no thought to why they do it, or how hurtful and deceitful it is. He won't be a good partner to anyone unless he can get himself under control and figure out why he does this...he has to want to change his behavior. Please get yourself tested for STD's. He may have gone further than handjobs, so you should make sure you take care of yourself and any physical consequences from his cheating.
Breezy Trousers Posted November 25, 2011 Posted November 25, 2011 Cant stop crying and don't know why he cheated, we had sex a lot since we live together. This has been the worst week of my life. Worst thing is that he has no real answer to why it happened, just sorry. Zedian, his behavior is not about you or your relationship, though I know it feels that way. Your boyfriend is not a crappy person. He is in the thrall of an addictive process. The escorts are "acting out partners" in the service of that addiction. Please ask him to consider attending several Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings. Brain research proves that sex addiction is very real, and it's growing due to the internet, cell phones, etc. Sexual intrigue is just a click away. It creates powerful neural patterning similar to crack cocaine addiction --- in fact, brain research now suggests sex addiction is more addictive than crack cocaine addiction. Denial is a big part of any addictive process. If your partner has no interest in getting into recovery, you may have no choice but to set boundaries to protect yourself from the effects of the addictive process. That may mean leaving him. This may actually help him to get help but, in the end, his recovery is none of your business. Your life is. There are meetings for partners of people with sex addiction. This might prove to be a support for you. The meetings are free. There you will find people who have been where you are today and who will help you through this. Please consider. All my best to you.
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