phi_phi Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I'm new to all of this, but just really wanted to speak to people who might understand what a long distance relationship can be like, as alot of my friends are happy to listen but never reall understood... I met my now ex boyfriend about a year and a half ago as a once off chance meeting, and he managed to track me down on facebook, we got talking and in early April we finally met again when he happened to be working in Bristol where I live. (He lives in London). We hit it off so well and there was such an obvious spark. By the week after I had been to London to see him again, and the week after I had met his mum and brothers. The relationship continued in literally BLISS for about 3 months, we were really hot and heavy and infatuated, and very happy, the definition of a whirlwind romance. I had been cautious due to a very very messy previous break up, but my new boyfriend broke this down and really helped me open up and completely trust him. Even though it was early days he was very intense, talking about me moving to him when I finish Uni, things like that, and even though I knew it was intense and heavy I started to get the same kind of feelings. So we went on like this for about 5-6 months then things started to get a bit sour. To start with I told him I loved him after about 4-5months...and he stopped me in my tracks and told me not to say it, because he wouldn't know what to say, then changed his mind and told me he loved me later that night. After that I noticed that any emotional conversations, or anything I said about how I felt about him would be literally ignored or dismissed, and his intial passion for our relationship fizzled out and it was as if we were just friends...yet I was still making the 2 hour expensive journey to see him every other week...whilst he had only come to see me twice by that point. I eventually got sick of the constant rejection, it just felt like everytime I even acted like he was my boyfriend he became annoyed and uncomfortable, which really confused me, and I ended up feeling like he'd really pulled the rug out from underneath my feet, starting out all heavy, then when I did the same, being very cold. Anyway I put this to him, and he decided that he didn't actually want a girlfriend, had never actually loved me, and didn't think he could be serious about me...as soon as he said this I began to hesitate, as I thought to myself why on earth should I cry and beg a man back if he doesn't even love me...Of course the second he smelt that I maybe didn't want the relationship either he was back at my feet and wanted to get back together. Anyway that was abut 3 weeks ago, so me being an idiot took him back after he finished with me...specifically thinking to myself I really really hope I never look back at this cross roads and wish I had walked away (oh the irony). So on Friday night I got drunk, called him 6 times with no answer and got it into my head that he must be in some kind of trouble because its not like him to not text or reply...so I called his friend who was working a night shift at 6am to see if he knew anyway. Annyway I eventually spoke to my boyfriend who had just not seen his phone. He did not speak to me all of Saturday, and all of Sunday, deleted me from facebook, I finally cornered him on skype at about 11pm...and he's decided that I am not what he looks for in a partner and that he doesn't want me. What the hell. He gets drunk. We've been drunk together. This so cannot be about the drunken friday thing?? I spoke to him on friday afternoon and he told me how lucky he was to have me?? what the hell is going on here? I have literally given him my all, I have put so much into trying to make sure I am everything he wants to be and more...and i dont know why he has done this to me...? Just needed to get it all out...after 8 months of a HARD long distance relationship its all been thrown away?
hestheone66 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Hey Phi Phi I think you defined it well when you said it was a whirlwind romance.. fast and heavy and you'll never forget it.. but it didn't have the staying power.. funnily enough he may have thought that you were too giving and he may have lost respect for you.. he gave you some warning signs (eg not wanting to declare strong feelings) and he wanted it lighthearted. Unfortunately he was probably saying all the things you wanted to hear like moving up after uni etc etc.. to keep you around and interested perhaps tofeed his ego.. perhaps he's just immature and knows he's incapable of a committed relationship so in his own strange way by letting you know very strongly on friday that he's not in it so you can move on we have these events so we can learn from them.. you have suffered two heartbreaks... it would seem you give your heart too quickly and you're too open (me too) be more guarded next time and find a guy who's prepared to actually DO stuff to woo you, not get you to do stuff to keep him around. he sounds like a classic user and ur better off without him.. better to move on after 8 months than 2 years. In my experience 3 months seems to be a time when things fizzle out if they had previously been intense.. and then we limp along hoping the spark will reignite... whirlwind romances are so passionate that they burn out quickly.. just like a hurricane.. all that's left is the devastation. sorry ur hurting
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