daisydukes Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 My boyfriend was lying about seeing another girl and when I confronted him about it he turned it around and made it seem like I was in the wrong for confronting him when he was the one sneaking around and lying to my face. I want to forgive him but at the same time I want to forget him and move on. I am so lost on what to do and it is eating at me and making me miserable:sick: We have been through so much together and I have been there for him thick and thin but this is something I am having a tough time dealing with and apparently he doesn't want to deal with it either because he keeps avoiding me. What should I do??
Emilia Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I think you get to understand a person's character best when you see how they handle being in the wrong upsetting someone. I've dated someone until recently and I lost respect for him for something similar. It was nothing to do with another girl but with the fact that he made some controlling and personal comments and when I objected to that, he made out that he never made those comments in the first place (I had the texts) and that if I contradicted him that meant I called him a liar. That was all I needed to know about his character, it was the end of that one.
joeminla Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 My boyfriend was lying about seeing another girl and when I confronted him about it he turned it around and made it seem like I was in the wrong for confronting him when he was the one sneaking around and lying to my face. I want to forgive him but at the same time I want to forget him and move on. I am so lost on what to do and it is eating at me and making me miserable:sick: We have been through so much together and I have been there for him thick and thin but this is something I am having a tough time dealing with and apparently he doesn't want to deal with it either because he keeps avoiding me. What should I do?? Be appreciate since all he has done was just avoiding you! Unlike my old flame, he called his GF coming to fix me right in front of public. Then, the broad called the cop filing harassment complain against me the next day. All he did was stepping back and watching us doing the cat fight. Later, the dud and I ran into each other unexpectedly. He probably got bored with that broad. He stopped his car flirting with me thinking that I should be grateful and feeling flatted. However, Me, still pissed by the cop called, hence, walked away with my middle-finger flipping at him! Now he is whining among our mutual friends about how nutty I was and how low I have gone! Completely ignored what he have done wrong! UNBELIEABLE! How was that? Consider yourself lucky! Your jerky ex is nowhere near and cant compete with my a**hole ex! I vote for forgiving and forgetting your ex!
jpoke Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Seeing some girl? Was it in the past before he knew you or while he was with you? Was he doing something with her or not? Anyways its not good to lie but you can be the best judge of his character and you can decide what to do with it.. If you give us more info we can help you more, but ultimately it depends on you what happens of course and i think you can be the best judge of how serious it is and what do you want to do since maybe you know him much better than people on here...
freestyle Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 My boyfriend was lying about seeing another girl and when I confronted him about it he turned it around and made it seem like I was in the wrong for confronting him when he was the one sneaking around and lying to my face. I want to forgive him but at the same time I want to forget him and move on. I am so lost on what to do and it is eating at me and making me miserable:sick: We have been through so much together and I have been there for him thick and thin but this is something I am having a tough time dealing with and apparently he doesn't want to deal with it either because he keeps avoiding me. What should I do?? Past behavior can be a good indicator of future behavior--- It's up to you whether or not you choose to forgive, but I think you'd be foolish to forget what he did. How is it though, that he showed you the ultimate disrespect by cheating on you--but somehow YOU'RE the 'bad guy"---because you confronted him about it? That comes across as incredibly disordered to me, and a very nasty red flag. If he steps on your toes on purpose, and you say, "OUCH!!" are you the "bad guy" because "you made him feel bad....?" Why would you want to stay with someone who can't own their own crap, but instead blame-shifts it onto you? What if the same story was happening to a close girlfriend, or sister, or cousin----what advice would you have for her?
Author daisydukes Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 I do not know why I want to give him so many chances. Fourth of July I was with friends watching fireworks and he said I need someone to talk to right now. I said baby I am watching fireworks with friends and he said whatever it seems like when I need some help you are never there for me! I said sorry and he just said sure,sure whatever and didn't speak to me for weeks. We certainly had our highs and lows throughout summer and into fall where it leads up to our massive fight when I saw him texting another girl ( he didn't know I saw) and saying i'll be there in a bit. He never once told me about her he just changed his stories not once but twice! First he said he had to drop his brother off at a hockey game and the 2nd time he changed it to I got to drop my cousin off at work today. After all this evidence the lying the supposed cheating I still want to be with him?? What is my problem?? I certainly do not respect myself very much:(
Lauriebell82 Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I do not know why I want to give him so many chances. Fourth of July I was with friends watching fireworks and he said I need someone to talk to right now. I said baby I am watching fireworks with friends and he said whatever it seems like when I need some help you are never there for me! I said sorry and he just said sure,sure whatever and didn't speak to me for weeks. We certainly had our highs and lows throughout summer and into fall where it leads up to our massive fight when I saw him texting another girl ( he didn't know I saw) and saying i'll be there in a bit. He never once told me about her he just changed his stories not once but twice! First he said he had to drop his brother off at a hockey game and the 2nd time he changed it to I got to drop my cousin off at work today. After all this evidence the lying the supposed cheating I still want to be with him?? What is my problem?? I certainly do not respect myself very much:( It sounds like you have low self esteem and are using this guy as a means of feeling good about yourself. The problem is he is making you feel bad! He also sounds very very controlling and he uses guilt as a means of controlling you and your relationship. Don't let him do it! He is avoiding you right now so just avoid him right back again. I know that is it hard to let go of him, but you will NEVER improve your self esteem with this guy, it will basically just get worse. Believe me, I've been there!
Author daisydukes Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Yes I do suffer from low self-esteem. I am attractive enough I just am very,very self-conscious because I am very tall ( 5'11) compared to my friends and sometimes I am taller than the guy. It just makes things even much worse when I find out the girl he supposedly went out with is someone who I know he wouldn't go out with in a million years. It is almost like he is doing it just out of spite or something like that. He is an attractive person and he always has a " type" and let's just say this girl is totally not his type Like I said it is almost like he is doing it out of spite. I don't understand why he would do that when he told me how he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and he was proud of me. He showed me off to his Grandma someone who he loves very much and told her how much he wanted to be with me and he turns around and does this? I want to confront him and tell him how much I put up with and stuck around and how much he hurt me mentally but everyone says NC am I right? He pretty much hasn't contacted me since I confronted him.
freestyle Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 I vote for maintaining NC, definitely--there are so many red flags here, I'm expecting the bull to come charging any second now. Aside from the lying, and most likely cheating---(if texting the other girl was innocent there would have been NO reason to hide it from you, or lie about it) The 4th of July incident is a red flag, too---I mean, c'mon, how long do fireworks last??? An hour---maybe two if you live some place with the resources to afford that. He couldn't wait an hour or two for your attention? Was his house on fire, was the universe about to come to a screeching halt? because you weren't available, on demand--he decided to punish you with a silent treatment for weeks..?!?!? Control freak, much? Also, using the silent treatment as punishment is viewed as a form of emotional abuse. It's one thing to take a time out for a few hours, or even a day or two to cool off---stretching it out for weeks, while leaving the other party hanging is deliberately cruel. When you add all of this together, I think you dodged a MAJOR bullet here.One that would do a boatload of damage, the longer you stayed.
Author daisydukes Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 He did have some major issues without a doubt. I wanted him so badly to open up but he would always brush it off like eh it's no biggie don't worry about it. One day he was crying up a storm and I said what's wrong? He said nothing and I begged him to tell me what was wrong literally begged and he would again say eh it's no biggie don't worry about it. He was up and down up and down and I sticked through it because I wanted to be the caring girlfriend and made up excuses for him like well maybe he is having problems with work or money problems and he is taking it out on me which of course isn't good! I know this will probably never go anywhere and his issues will continue and continue. I just want to end it once and for all get some help and deal with my self-esteem and focus on myself but he isn't allowing me to do that he just wants to ignore the problem and ignore me and hopefully I will go away . It just makes me feel like garbage if he is going after someone who he swore he would never touch since he has a type. Makes my self-esteem go way,way down because I am self-conscious enough.
slr Posted November 26, 2011 Posted November 26, 2011 My boyfriend was lying about seeing another girl and when I confronted him about it he turned it around and made it seem like I was in the wrong for confronting him when he was the one sneaking around and lying to my face. I want to forgive him but at the same time I want to forget him and move on. I am so lost on what to do and it is eating at me and making me miserable:sick: We have been through so much together and I have been there for him thick and thin but this is something I am having a tough time dealing with and apparently he doesn't want to deal with it either because he keeps avoiding me. What should I do?? Forget him & move on, it's not worth it!
Recommended Posts