anthony43 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me almost 2 mo ago and it was a very ugly breakup (there was cheating, my insecurity, and jealousy involved), regardless it came to the point where she said she hated me and would never want to see me again. We have a 2 year old daughter together and she was like the mother to my 8 year old son. I love her very much and took this breakup exteremely hard. I have been a wreck for almost the entire time and am just now starting to come out of the depression I was in. I did all of the wrong things at the beginning ( crying, pleading, begging, clingy) she said she needed space. Anyway, she moved out of state and swore me to there wold be absolutely no way that she would ever consider getting back together. She said she would never call me, but she has ended calling me at least every 3-4 days and we talk on average for 1-2 hours. Sometimes it is not so nice ( the past is hard to let go), but I have come to realize that I dont want her back just because she is not there but truly love her. I do want my family back together and she has been sending me mixed signals that I just cant understand. I know that she slept with another man and has been in contact with him since she has moved, but she says that she is not interested in a relationship with him. She has also chnaged her tone about ever having a relationship with me as she now say that she will think about us getting back to gether. Right now, she says that sh just wants to do what is best for her, but she has had a hard time finding work and hse stays with relatives and she does nto have as much freedom as she is used to. I asked her to tell me if she was really considering on getting back together and she says that she cannot give me an answer either yes r no. I will accept this because it is much better than hating me and never wanting to see me again. Yesterday we talked on the phone for 5-6 hours, she told me that she just wants to do what is best for her and right now she doesnt know if that is getting back with me. She says that if she were to make a decision right now, it woulld be no. But, she says that we should become the best friends that we were before and then see if that will lead to our getting back together. Yesterday she also admitted that she does till have some ffeings for me(a very little bit) but still that is better than where it was at 3 weeks ago. She also chastised me for keeping her on the phone for so long because I knew what I was doing and I was trying to get in her head and she is pushing all thoughts of me away. Additionally, she says that if we were to work it out she would want to start all over, I agreed because I knwo that if wew were to get back together that we would have to begin anew and not just pick up where we left or else it was destined to fail agaion. She says that the main obstacle to working it out with me is her pride and she would feel foolish coming back to me. But, then she started talking about how good sex was with her and we talked that way for a few minutes until she ended it. What I am wanting to know is this possibly a case of the grass is greener syndrome, her really missing me, wanting to work it out, just leading me on, or is she just stringing me along in case her plans dont work out. Before we broke up she didnt have to work and said that she didnt get out enough, then I changed my schedules on everythong s that she could have more of a life than just the kids. Then she started going out all of the time and that was her priority. We always did things tother( with kids and just us) and then that did not seem to be enough for her. Im confused because she has told me so may lies, half truths, and I just dont know what she wants now. I also asked hr if that if she was not really feeling working us out, then not be so cruel and kind of give me hope that we would work things out. She said she is thinking about it, but at the same time I should not put my life on hjold waiting for her. This might be obvious to everyone else but I just dont know what she is going to do. I she sending me mixed signals, is there s secret message in what she is telling me? I dont know, any advice would be great.
citrusdrop1688 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 What exactly happened that caused the break up? Who cheated on who?
Author anthony43 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 she cheated on me. she said that she didnt want any relationship, just time to work on her. But, I came to find out later that she had been "friends" with this man for 4 months. She said nothing had ever happened, but a week after we were broken up she is sleeping with him and had been texting him while we were together. She said it was nothing and now all of a sudden she has moved out of state she is still talking to him. I talked to her today for an hour and she says that she is not liking it where she is at, too many rules at her grandparents house and she cant find a job and going to school is not an option since she cant afford out of state tuition. She says she was considering moving back here but not with me. She says she is till thinking about getting back togethe, but defintely not now she wants to give wheer she is at a chance. I guess that I believe that she has something planned iwth this other man and if those plans dont work out then she can fall back to me. She would like me to help her find a place , so that she can accomplish her goals. She also tells me to take everything that she says at face value and she is considering working things out with me. I just would liek other opinions, is she serious or is she jusyt going to use me if she has to? Im just so confused, it just seems just when I am starting to get myself back together, she calls and sends me these mixed signas again. To be honest, I just want my family back to gether, and I want to believe everything that she says, but she was so hurtful. I cant tell lie from truth with her. I was thinking earlier today that she told me all of these lies, just so I would not not know the true extent of her deception. I talked to my daughter on the phone and I miss her so badly. Thanksgiving is coming up and I wont be with her, why cant she have a heart? Im gonna end now because im starting to get emotional and I have been doing so good these last couple of days.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 There is no rationale whatsoever for getting back together with someone who stated that she "would never want to see you again" despite your sharing a two-year-old daughter together. Cut your ties to the greatest extent possible and then go create a satisfactory life for yourself!!
Author anthony43 Posted November 22, 2011 Author Posted November 22, 2011 Its easy to say to cut your ties, but I find I cant do it. She says that she only said those things out of anger. I know for a lot of people that it would be easy to walk away, but I know i cant. I dont want to. What we discussed was if we were to give it anothe try, it would be starting all over (or a fresh start). I want to believe her, I want to believe that she is even considering it. I not going to walk away and cut my ties because I believed in my family at one time and it just cant be that all of it was fake. For that reason, I would be willing to try again. What Im asking for is people with insight into whether she is just serious or is she just bored and trying to pass time. I dont know. I would walk away if we were to try again and it did not work out. I just want one more chance to be a family again. She has never had to work and do things for herself, and when I talked to her yesterday, she was stressed because al of the stuff I have been taking care of and ensured that we had, she is finding hard to do. No job, no place, no car, no money and she says she wants to try and do those things before she would consider moving back here. She stays with family, so they are not out on the street, but I am still worried about them. I came along way from where I was amonth and half ago and still have a ways to go, but I realized that I was too busy. Yes the bills had to be paid and the house had to be remodeled and still had work and school myself, but maybe I should have justy slowed down and paid more attention to her. i dont know. Now she says she how right I was about some things and she starts reminiscing about the past with me. According to those get your ex back websites these are all positive signs. She doesnt hang up the phone and she is wanting to know how I am doing and she will talk as long as I want to talk. Are those websites full of s**t, or do these things actually mean anything?
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