Soxfaninfl Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I was married for 11 years and with my ex-wife for 13 years total, so dating again is new to me. Our divorce (she wanted it) was final in September of this year. We separated in March of 2010. I have been dating this girl now since October 9th, and I really like her. My question is for those people in relationships right now, how long does it usually take to fall in love on average? I know everyone is different. I just really need to hear that someone loves me again. I miss that!
iris219 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I just really need to hear that someone loves me again. I miss that! Do you love her?
Author Soxfaninfl Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I like her allot, and I happy when I am with her. I miss her when I am not with her (I have a 8 year old son that I have every other week), but I'm not in love with her yet. I feel that I will fall in love with her eventually. Part of me some times thinks that I still love my ex-wife, but she hurt me and put me through a painful/expensive divorce. I know now that my ex-wife is not good for me if she ever wanted to reconcile with me.
Ilovewater Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I like her allot, and I happy when I am with her. I miss her when I am not with her (I have a 8 year old son that I have every other week), but I'm not in love with her yet. I feel that I will fall in love with her eventually. Part of me some times thinks that I still love my ex-wife, but she hurt me and put me through a painful/expensive divorce. I know now that my ex-wife is not good for me if she ever wanted to reconcile with me. Since it's only been a month, and you're not still completely over your ex-wife, I would wait a little longer for the "I love you". Have you and your girlfriend had a serious talk about your relationship yet, like where do you guys see the relationship going and such? Why not wait until the relationship stabilizes a little bit more before you do anything serious? Just enjoy the relationship for now without rushing it. For my relationship, we "dated" for 4 months and were actually in a relationship for another 4-5 months before we exchanged "I love you". Of course we loved each other before that, but we weren't actually in love until 8-9 months later, and that's when we decided to tell each other. My best friend and her boyfriend didn't say "I love you" until 1.5 years into their relationship, and their relationship was rock solid from the beginning. I think they waited because it was my friend's first serious relationship, and she didn't want to squander the meaning of that phrase.
Author Soxfaninfl Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 My ex-wife and I told each other that we loved each other after 4 months. This girl and I have spoken about what we want out of the relationship. I'm an intense kind of guy that talks about his feelings. We want marriage and children eventually. She on the other hand has never had a serious relationship. She is 37 and I am 36. This girl has told me that she likes me, but felt that we were going to fast. We alrady had sex several times.
norajane Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 She on the other hand has never had a serious relationship. Wow, really? Never dated anyone seriously? Why not?
Ilovewater Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 My ex-wife and I told each other that we loved each other after 4 months. This girl and I have spoken about what we want out of the relationship. I'm an intense kind of guy that talks about his feelings. We want marriage and children eventually. She on the other hand has never had a serious relationship. She is 37 and I am 36. This girl has told me that she likes me, but felt that we were going to fast. We alrady had sex several times. Some people just move at a faster pace than others. Nothing wrong with that. However, if she has expressed that you guys are moving to fast, you should wait a little while more. Don't put too much pressure on her, especially if she's never had a serious relationship at her age. It's an unnerving experience to be in a serious relationship for the first time. We know how what that feels like haha. As long as both you and your girlfriend know that you are committed to each other and that your relationship has a future, there's no need to rush her. It's only been one month anyways. That's completely different from 3 or 4 months. She might be ready then.
jobaba Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I like her allot, and I happy when I am with her. I miss her when I am not with her (I have a 8 year old son that I have every other week), but I'm not in love with her yet. I feel that I will fall in love with her eventually. Part of me some times thinks that I still love my ex-wife, but she hurt me and put me through a painful/expensive divorce. I know now that my ex-wife is not good for me if she ever wanted to reconcile with me. How do you know when you are? What is love? I've said the words to one partner, and had them said back to me. I was also gaga over that person for a long time. Full of emotions and totally into her. That miss her/think about her all day/stare at her beautiful face kind of feeling. So, that's what I thought love was at the time. She was also controlling and used to put me down. Recently, I developed very similar feelings for a platonic friend who ended up rejecting my advances. I think about her all the time. I miss her. I'm ridiculously attracted to her. I'm dating somebody else (who likes me back), and I don't think about her with that intensity at all. It's silly emotions. I think relying on emotions to tell you whether you should be with a person is ... suspect. My current definition of love (concurrently being revised and updated) is more of a practical connection that has more to do with trust and respect rather than emotions.
Author Soxfaninfl Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 Wow, really? Never dated anyone seriously? Why not? She was sexually abused by a cousin from the age 4 to 9. She didn't date in high school then the first time she had sex at the age of 19 the guy gave her herpes. She dated guys, but she has never lived with any of them. She said she dated this one guy off and on for 2 and a half years. She has never been engaged or even close to it. She said she that she has push men away too. She wants to get married and have kids.
Author Soxfaninfl Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 My best friend and her boyfriend didn't say "I love you" until 1.5 years into their relationship, and their relationship was rock solid from the beginning. I think they waited because it was my friend's first serious relationship, and she didn't want to squander the meaning of that phrase. Wow a year and a half? That is a long time. If I love someone I could not wait that long to tell them. The only fear I would face is not hearing it back. I had a woman tell me she was in love with me after 2 months. I cared for her, but I wasn't in love with her because I stilled loved my wife at the time. I was separated for a year when I dated this girl. I ended the relationship because she didn't want to have kids, and I realized that I wanted to have more children eventually. I will always have something to remember her by because she gave me herpes and didn't tell me. I had a OB 5 months later after I broke up with her. She denied having it when I called her about it.
blueskyday Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 Sox, sorry to hear what happened. You know, it's very possible that your ex girlfriend DID NOT give you herpes. You can carry it in your body for years, never have an outbreak, and then WHAM! get one, especially in times of stress.... As far as saying I love you, say it when you've been feeling like you wanted to say it a few times. For me, it always just slips out in a moment when my brain doesn't override my heart, and I'm incredibly happy. That's how I know it's real. How far it progresses from there is to be seen. But I say it when I feel it, or I wouldn't otherwise. The last guy I dated said it over and over again to me, then took it back months later when we broke up. Ouch. So don't say it if you don't mean it.
Author Soxfaninfl Posted November 23, 2011 Author Posted November 23, 2011 Sox, sorry to hear what happened. You know, it's very possible that your ex girlfriend DID NOT give you herpes. You can carry it in your body for years, never have an outbreak, and then WHAM! get one, especially in times of stress.... As far as saying I love you, say it when you've been feeling like you wanted to say it a few times. For me, it always just slips out in a moment when my brain doesn't override my heart, and I'm incredibly happy. That's how I know it's real. How far it progresses from there is to be seen. But I say it when I feel it, or I wouldn't otherwise. The last guy I dated said it over and over again to me, then took it back months later when we broke up. Ouch. So don't say it if you don't mean it. My ex-GF gave it to me. I was with my ex-wife for 13 years and never had an out break. We met when we were both 21. I would have had OB after i split with my wife due to the stress of thr break up and the divorce. I went a year with out having sex when I met my ex-GF. She had been in three relationships since her divorce of her ex-husband of 11 years and have given these men oral sex with out protection. She didnt deny doing that. I told her to go get tested and she refused. She obviously had never had an OB yet. You can get herpes from oral sex even with out a OB. I have done my homework. Thankfully my new GF has it too, so I don't have to worry about her getting it. I would never tell anyone that I love them unless I mean it. That is serious for me. I have only told one person that I love them and that was my ex-wife.
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