ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I'm having the hardest time getting over my last relationship and it's been about a year now. I've had to get over a relationship before this one and even though that too was hard, it was a little easier considering he cheated on me and impregnated two girls, but my last relationship is taking me quite some time. Neither of us cheated or anything, but instead broke up because of small issues that became bigger ones. We didn't really give our relationship the chance to grow like we should've and it failed because of that. It's hard for me because unlike my first relationship, I really felt a strong connection with him, as did he to me. Goals, wants, needs, etc we were both on the same page and we both thought that we would be together long term. After breaking up, he tried to be “friends.” But being friends consisted of him always asking me for sexual things. He didn't know how to hold a regular conversation with me anymore and that would hurt me because we were actually really good friends before being together. We've been trying to be friends on and off since we've broken up, but it's always the same thing. Him wanting sexual things from me. He even once said “I just want no strings attached entertainment” and I would say no, try to talk with him about other things but then he didn't want to talk anymore and would say we shouldn't be friends so we would stop communicating. That cycle has continued since we've broken up. He moved on RIGHT after we broke up to another female and they are still talking (it's been about a year now for them so it's not a rebound) and I currently cyber stalk his and her twitter pages. I get so angry seeing how happy he is with not just her, but his friends as well. It's like he's forgotten all about me and it hurts. He can be friends with everyone else BUT me and I just don't get it?? Also, he told me a while ago that he didn't think we should be together because he thinks I didn't trust him, but this new girl he's talking to doesn't trust him either, yet he STILL tries with her. UGHHHHHHH! What was so wrong with me?? Does he ever think about me or even care?? How did he just move on like that? I'm just hurt that he doesn't even seem to care. I'm trying so hard to get over it, but I keep having these setbacks. I know that I really need to stop looking at their twitters as the first step (easier said than done), but I also thought about having a “funeral” for our dead relationship to just let it go, I just think it sounds kind of corny. Any advice anyone??? PLEASE HELP ME! I'm tired of feeling this way..... What is wrong with me? Why is he trying so hard with her? Why doesn't he care? Why is it so hard for him to just be my friend without asking for more? Does he ever think of me? Does the “funeral” idea sound stupid? Why can't I just let it go?
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 He sounds awful. Not heard of a funeral for dead relationship before. Would that be like burning a photo of him? May help? I have tried getting into psychic stuff to help. Michelle Knight is a great website. Also positive thinking books. But you have to work at it. It doesnt seem to be working this weekend
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I get it! My ex before this one cheated on me and it was hard, but WAY easier to get over him. I had no respect for him due to the cheating. This one, like you, there was no cheating and so it is much harder to move on. I am not angry. I am trying my damnedest to be angry, but what can I be angry about? I even told my mom shortly after it happened that it would have been easier if he cheated on me. You need to go NC from him. He expects to have his cake and eat it too.. hence all the sexual favour requests (good for you saying no ). NC helps a lot. Being friends is just salt in the wounds... you'll never heal. As lolita jade, I hopped right into self help books. I have relationship books coming out my ears, how to keep them, have them, break them and move on. Then I started buying books on self esteem and confidence, etc. It seriously has helped me. When I am feeling low I often open up one of my books and I start to feel better. I bet he does think of you. I bet he would think of you more if you weren't always available as you have been in the past, i.e. his friend. As for the funeral thing, I think it is brilliant! I like the idea of burning a photo. Maybe say a speech to yourself about how you will move on and you will heal, you will find love again and you will be happy. Be kind to yourself in it. Then perhaps block view of his FB and twitter. I may just implement this funeral myself.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I get it! My ex before this one cheated on me and it was hard, but WAY easier to get over him. I had no respect for him due to the cheating. This one, like you, there was no cheating and so it is much harder to move on. I am not angry. I am trying my damnedest to be angry, but what can I be angry about? I even told my mom shortly after it happened that it would have been easier if he cheated on me. You need to go NC from him. He expects to have his cake and eat it too.. hence all the sexual favour requests (good for you saying no ). NC helps a lot. Being friends is just salt in the wounds... you'll never heal. As lolita jade, I hopped right into self help books. I have relationship books coming out my ears, how to keep them, have them, break them and move on. Then I started buying books on self esteem and confidence, etc. It seriously has helped me. When I am feeling low I often open up one of my books and I start to feel better. I bet he does think of you. I bet he would think of you more if you weren't always available as you have been in the past, i.e. his friend. As for the funeral thing, I think it is brilliant! I like the idea of burning a photo. Maybe say a speech to yourself about how you will move on and you will heal, you will find love again and you will be happy. Be kind to yourself in it. Then perhaps block view of his FB and twitter. I may just implement this funeral myself. Well, I've been NC from him for a month now, the last time we talked he we had a regular conversation until the sexual favors came. I told him no and that if we were going to be friends than to just be my friend, but he seems to not know how to talk to me anymore and even though I'm not sure I want him as a friend it hurts that we can't even have a regular conversation. I have been reading self help books and they do help me, but I often have relapses especially when stalking their pages. I know I need to block it, but it's open access so it's really just a matter of will power, which is really hard especially when I'm bored. It doesn't seem as if he thinks of me anymore or that he even cares. He just moved on to the next and continually tries with her. Makes me wonder what's wrong with me and what's so great about her?? And thanks to the funeral!! It'll be like a real one. Eulogy and all.... GAHHHH this is soooo hard!!
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I get that whole "whats wrong with me an whats so great about her?", although in my situation there is no one in the picture as of yet, I still wonder. I'm not trying to be cocky, but I think I am a pretty awesome person and a great gf. I think the funeral should give you some good closure. Will power is the hardest in these situations. Instead of looking at his profiles, come here and vent?... Perhaps some therapy would give you some new ideas on how to cope and get closure.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 yea, you're right. It's just hard right now. Just wish I could let it go already...
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 My ex acts like he doesnt care about me either. I lost my job due to finding it all too much and he didnt conatct me even though he knew I had (found a job again now) Its as if I fell off the planet. Prior to new woman, he was fine about me. Think its cross between him being loved up/ GIGS? rebound? honeymoon period and him listening to OW. I know he listens to her as he said today "we werent connecting". They are not words he would use. As for her being fantastic. Well its early days. He also said today that he is trying to make a new life for himself. I think she is brainwashing him............ There is someone better for you and then you will be gald he has th OW. I have in my past done a rebound relationship to get over someone. I was younger and it worked. But you are using someone. I don't feel up to that at all now. I need to heal and love myself first.
norajane Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I suspect a "funeral" won't do much good if you are still following his twitters and facebook and whatnot. I believe you are still so stuck in this a year later because you never really let it go (i.e., cyber stalking his life and love life). Each time you cyber stalk, you think about him and allow the anger and other feelings to live on and on and on. You get new things to think about each time, which keeps him front and center in your mind. Will a funeral help you stop paying any attention at all to what he is doing and with whom?
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I suspect a "funeral" won't do much good if you are still following his twitters and facebook and whatnot. I believe you are still so stuck in this a year later because you never really let it go (i.e., cyber stalking his life and love life). Each time you cyber stalk, you think about him and allow the anger and other feelings to live on and on and on. You get new things to think about each time, which keeps him front and center in your mind. Will a funeral help you stop paying any attention at all to what he is doing and with whom? I've never really let it go because he's still been trying to be "friends" with me over the past year. Except, it isn't much of a friendship as it always turns back to something sexual. I don't understand why it's so hard for him to JUST BE MY FRIEND and why he doesn't see how this is a problem or how I'm hurting, he just moved on and it hurts. You're right about the cyber stalking thing but it's almost like it's become a sort of addiction and I'm finding it hard to break. I guess I look at the "funeral" as our relationship and the memories being dead to me. Not looking at his page because the funeral will be a means of closing that door completely and everything about US being dead....idk.
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Stop having sex with him. It will eat you alive being used like that. Either do NC or say you what to be just friends- no sex. You are having sex with him for fear of him not seeing you again. To keep him hooked. As in trying to give realy good sex etc. I know I have done this as a teenager. It made me feel shyte and it is the playing hard to get this sort of man aspires to. Go out and have fun with your friends and show him you dont need him. I seriously think you need to go out, have fun and no contact. Do not look at fb/twitter. Burn that photo
norajane Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I've never really let it go because he's still been trying to be "friends" with me over the past year. Except, it isn't much of a friendship as it always turns back to something sexual. I don't understand why it's so hard for him to JUST BE MY FRIEND and why he doesn't see how this is a problem or how I'm hurting, he just moved on and it hurts. I think you need to understand that he really does NOT want to be your friend. He'd like to keep you on the back burner for sex, that's all. You're right about the cyber stalking thing but it's almost like it's become a sort of addiction and I'm finding it hard to break. I guess I look at the "funeral" as our relationship and the memories being dead to me. Not looking at his page because the funeral will be a means of closing that door completely and everything about US being dead....idk. Well, if your funeral includes ceremoniously deleting all his contact info, blocking him on fb, etc., then maybe it will help. Like most addictions, cold turkey is the way to do it.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Stop having sex with him. It will eat you alive being used like that. Either do NC or say you what to be just friends- no sex. You are having sex with him for fear of him not seeing you again. To keep him hooked. As in trying to give realy good sex etc. I know I have done this as a teenager. It made me feel shyte and it is the playing hard to get this sort of man aspires to. Go out and have fun with your friends and show him you dont need him. I seriously think you need to go out, have fun and no contact. Do not look at fb/twitter. Burn that photo I'm no longer having sex with him and I've told him if we're gonna be friends than to just be my friend but he can't do that for some reason and I don't get it
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I think you need to understand that he really does NOT want to be your friend. He'd like to keep you on the back burner for sex, that's all. Well, if your funeral includes ceremoniously deleting all his contact info, blocking him on fb, etc., then maybe it will help. Like most addictions, cold turkey is the way to do it. I guess :/ I just don't get why. We were such good friends before.... and cold turkey is so much easier said than done ughhhh why doesn't he care?
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 He can't do it because he is still attracted to you. Again, he wants his to have his cake and eat it too. A good friend wouldn't only keep you around for sex. I know it hurts because you want him in your life, but clearly he is not mature enough to be just a friend and you are the one hurting. Do yourself a favour and cut him off. Perhaps when he grows up you can be friends... until then you need to heal yourself.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 He can't do it because he is still attracted to you. Again, he wants his to have his cake and eat it too. A good friend wouldn't only keep you around for sex. I know it hurts because you want him in your life, but clearly he is not mature enough to be just a friend and you are the one hurting. Do yourself a favour and cut him off. Perhaps when he grows up you can be friends... until then you need to heal yourself. Yeah you're right, I just don't get it. How do you go from being good friends to a relationship to not being able to talk about anything aside from sex? It bothers me. But I've been trying to heal, it's been a month NC and I don't have any plans or urges to speak to him. Also, why is it that it's easier for me to let go of friends than it is relationships?
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 With friends you aren't intimate... with lovers you share everything, your body, your heart, your mind. You have a different kind of bond. An emotional and physical bond you don't share with your friends. As cheesy as it sounds.. you do kind of become one within a relationship.
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 With friends you aren't intimate... with lovers you share everything, your body, your heart, your mind. You have a different kind of bond. An emotional and physical bond you don't share with your friends. As cheesy as it sounds.. you do kind of become one within a relationship. Gahhh, thanks!!!
Author ThinkPink218 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I think another thing that's making this hard for me is that I'm so used to hearing from him by now and although it's a good thing I haven't for my own healing purposes, it makes me wonder if he even cares about me or what I'm up to and how I'm doing after everything. It just doesn't seem like it. Earlier I was re-reading old texts from the last time we talked (about a month ago now) and I was angry at how he was speaking to me like I'm just some sex toy for entertainment purposes and how he can't talk to me about things anymore. It's crazy to me that we were once so close and now we can't talk. I wonder if he feels any type of remorse for talking to me about just sex (when I clearly don't respond)??? Also, I am the first and only person he's ever completely stopped speaking to. Makes me feel like crap. He doesn't seem to care......
lolita jade Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I hate not being spoken to too. It stinks. 25 years of a relationship. then nothing. When I do speak to him everything I say get him wound up even though I say the sky is blue. The new GF did this to him. I am thrown away on the scrap heap. He is making rod for his own back as he has only known her 4 months and he doesnt have any friends or speak to his family. He just has our adult children. He has cast aside me and my family, who think alot of him. If it goes t*ts up he will feel worse than I do now. He says he doesnt talk to me as he is making a new life for himself.
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