El Brujo Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I might have nabbed a keeper unintentionally, it's still too early to tell... she likes many of the same things I like (and she even says she likes guys who make things! That's unthinkable), she doesn't live crazy far away, and she's not bad looking either IMO. But she says she "occasionally " smokes. I'm on the fence about women who smoke... my mother died from smoking 2 packs a day for 40 years, and I don't want to date a time bomb... but OTOH I never went in much for kissing, and some women DO look seductive the way they handle a cigarette. Just wanted to let the rest of you know... for me it's not a black-and-white issue. BTW I never smoked and never will.
tigressA Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I always said I would never date a smoker, but my most recent ex smokes. I was so attracted to him it didn't really matter in the end.
dasein Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 There are people who only smoke while drinking or out and there are people who structure their lives and work habit around a heavy smoking habit. Personally for me the first type is fine, the second, no. I think most people have had someone die due to tobacco related illness in their lives, but the truth is, the tobacco health problem is overblown, at least in the U.S., due to plaintiff-based legal issues and other factors. It's a red herring whipping boy for other purveyors of health problems as if everything can be blamed on smoking, no one is looking at other industries. People in the U.S., for all our supposed freedom and liberty, can be some of the most prudish and puritanical people you will meet anywhere. Other countries, where there are more smokers, somehow avoid the cancer, heart disease and other supposed "tobacco" disease we have here. I'd rather date a light smoker than an anti smoking zealot myself. Those people who claim to have smoke allergies and start hacking gratuitously whenever someone is smoking 20 yards away or more piss me off more than smokers.
denise_xo Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 My H smokes. There have been several times where I've hated that intensely and wished that I had made it a deal breaker. I wouldn't leave him over it, though. I don't know what I'd do in a hypothetical situation of being single and dating a smoker, but I would be very skeptical and it would be very close to a deal breaker, if not a clear cut one.
CocoaBrown Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I would never date a smoker....not even one who smokes "occasionally" or "socially". I can be attracted to someone and as soon as I find out they smoke I'm turned off. The smell is beyond offensive to me! I hate smoking so much I can be admiring a person from afar....their car, nice clothes, pretty hair, make up, etc and if I see them raise a cigarette to their mouth all admiration goes out the window instantly!
smokey bear Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 A smoker is a smoker, an occasional smoker tends stop smoking in time rather than become a full time smoker. all occasional smoker i know have eventually stopped.
Leegh Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 There are people who only smoke while drinking or out and there are people who structure their lives and work habit around a heavy smoking habit. Personally for me the first type is fine, the second, no. I think most people have had someone die due to tobacco related illness in their lives, but the truth is, the tobacco health problem is overblown, at least in the U.S., due to plaintiff-based legal issues and other factors. It's a red herring whipping boy for other purveyors of health problems as if everything can be blamed on smoking, no one is looking at other industries. People in the U.S., for all our supposed freedom and liberty, can be some of the most prudish and puritanical people you will meet anywhere. Other countries, where there are more smokers, somehow avoid the cancer, heart disease and other supposed "tobacco" disease we have here. I'd rather date a light smoker than an anti smoking zealot myself. Those people who claim to have smoke allergies and start hacking gratuitously whenever someone is smoking 20 yards away or more piss me off more than smokers. Very well written, and I totally agree. When I was younger, I smoked quite a bit, and now I have about 10 cigarettes (not packs) a year on special occasions. It's a form of relaxation for me, and I admit I enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke. Smoking does not cause car accidents, falls in the home, regrets of foolish mistakes while intoxicated, as drinking alcohol can. Of course, it is best not to smoke, as everyone knows, but yes, I would date a light smoker, and maybe a heavy smoker if he indicated that he may cut back or stop smoking.
spiderowl Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) It's a real issue for us non-smokers, I think. Firstly, I don't think that light smoking is the same as not smoking. A light smoker will still light up regularly and you have to be able to cope with that. Plus some are deluding themselves about how light their smoking is. I went out with a light smoker, who lit up every hour. I don't call that light smoking. Secondly, kissing a smoker is crap. It really is. No amount of chewing gum and teeth brushing gets rid of the taste. I just don't think smokers realise this. I've met a few smokers who I really like. I chatted online with one for a while and we really hit it off well, there was a fantastic connection. I really had to think hard about whether I could date a smoker. We discussed it and it was clear smoking meant a lot to him. Although I would never ask a guy to give up for me, I would look out for signs that he might do. I wouldn't want to be around while he was giving up though, so someone thinking of giving up is a non-starter for me. He has to give up himself for his own reasons before we meet. The likelihood of a dedicated smoker doing that is low. I meet smokers who I like, whose company I enjoy, and if they asked me out I would be really torn. I have a good friend who smoked occasionally and is now becoming more dependent on it. At one time, I was really considering him because I do love him, he's a lovely guy, but the smoking is a barrier. He's a grown up - it's not up to me to tell him to stop smoking or drinking. However, I know he's interested in me. What do I do? I look elsewhere. I'm looking for a mature person who is ready for a relationship with me. I do feel that smokers are their own worst enemy. They have absolute no idea how much difference it makes to their chances of dating. Yes, a few will still attract women regardless, and some women won't mind, but they are reducing their changes enormously. The same goes for heavy drinkers. Edited November 20, 2011 by spiderowl
Overthirtymale Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Smokers should date smokers. But than again I known smokers that quit for the right person.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 deal breaker. I found my ex fiance smoking after her mother had just died at 52 from a heart attack no doubt brought on in part by smoking (if not wholly). I told her it's a deal breaker--no iffs, ands or butts. I used to smoke and it is a wicked drug addiction that should never be trivialized.
FitChick Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I fell for the "occasional smoker" line. Oh, he just liked to smoke one with coffee or after a meal. Okay. More like smoking two packs a day. THE END. An occasional smoker is the same as an occasional virgin.
Cypress25 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I never thought I would date a smoker. But my last ex was a smoker and it didn't bother me, only because I never smelled it. I don't know how he pulled that off, since most smokers reek, but he always smelled good and his breath was always fresh. I couldn't even smell it or taste it when we kissed. Maybe it's because he never smoked in his own house. He didn't want his house or his furniture to smell, so he always went outside for a cigarette. And he did use Axe body spray on a regular basis, so I guess that stuff really works. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate it if he smelled like ash.
Wolf18 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Non-smokers can be quite a bit neurotic. Here in NYC I've encountered the fake-coughers and "EWWW SMELLS GROSS" people, which I find hilarious considering they're breathing in dirty NYC air. In fact, in a science experiment I did for class, there was a higher, unacceptable level of lead on the corner of 59th street in manhattan than inside an indoor gun range. There are many things that go into dying at 50, smoking is just one of them. The other elements are diet, alcohol intake, exercise, weight, and just plain old bad genetics. If you want to make silly personality correlations with this particular habit, I find women who smoke are never as neurotic, naggy and afraid of the world as non-smokers. The kissing argument is extra silly. Smokers dont have breath that is that bad unless they neglect their hygiene, and is eating garlic or tuna fish a deal breaker as well ? Honeslty tuna or garlic breath is far more repulsve to me than the smell of cigarette smoke. It's 100% turn off for me.. Besides the physical nasties, it says somnething about the person's attitude to fitness, lack of discipline in other aspects of life, etc. I don't associate with people with chemical dependencies. Not family, friends, work colleagues, etc. [/Quote] LOL! People like you have a right to live in your bubble and obsessively cover your hands in Purell whenever you touch a doorknob, but I don't know how you can maintain a completely pure lifestyle in this modern world. Even the vegetables you get at the store are covered in chemicals.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 that has some serious stank that comes out of a person not just from their breath. It's vile and I always think about some rich republican tobacco mogul living high off of other people's suffering when I think about smoking
shayla Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I smoked when I was younger and had quit for years. But on the day my father died (4-28-2011) my boyfriend lit a cigarette and put in my shaking hands and said, you are a wreck, you have to plan a funeral, just go ahead and smoke. I smoked for 2 months, quit for 4 months, and smoking again. My plan is to quit after the holidays. I will never stop quitting no matter how many times it takes. If me and my bf break up, I know that I will have to quit before dating again. I don't want to be a smoker and I don't want my dates to smoke either.
mached Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 @ FF - Kind of an odd statement, not sure what smoking has to do with Rebublicans
Author El Brujo Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Women who smoke have a constant urge to have something in their mouth. But then what about men who smoke?
FitChick Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 People who smoke age quicker which is interesting because that is the reason they started smoking in the first place -- to look older.
ScienceGal Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 My ex quit when we got together (not for me, for himself). I was very impressed because I know how difficult it is to quit. But then he picked the habit back up several months later and we both learned the hard way that it is a deal breaker for me. Both of my parents were life long smokers and suffered for it. It ripped my heart out to see the man I loved doing that to himself. He's now been smoking 10+ years, and going strong. ugh. I will never date a smoker. I just can't.
carhill Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I can empathize with you OP, on the 'not black-and-white' thing. That said, I've never dated a smoker, but it hasn't been purposeful, rather than just how things worked out. I have, however, stopped dating a few rabid non-smokers/ex-smokers because of their behavior around smoking, mainly back when smoking was legal in many public spaces like airports, airplanes, bars and restaurants. My data point is I've never tried smoking of any sort and had two full-time smokers as parents, one of whom died of smoking-related diseases and the other, who did quit when I was a teenager, lived to nearly 89 and died of dementia. Life is a mixed bag. I'll be visiting and staying with two heavy smokers this week and, while they're great friends, it is somewhat problematical to deal with that habit, both in person and in planning. I have a special 'smoking' wardrobe I use and leave a return outfit bagged because the smoke really does get into everything and I don't want to smell like smoke on the plane. Life is full of compromises but I make some gladly.
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 LOL! People like you have a right to live in your bubble and obsessively cover your hands in Purell whenever you touch a doorknob, I love to have fun with these types in two ways. One is to mention that there is an FDA standard for bug parts per million in all manufactured food products, and that most any kind of canned food has bug parts in it. They love hearing that, the reactions are priceless. Another way is to remind them that our bodies contain about 90 trillion bugs in the form of bacteria and various mites and such. Look them in their eyes when you say this and say it deadpan as if it's just matter of fact. These types will start fidgeting and freaking out instantly. It's funny.
oaks Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 The kissing argument is extra silly. Smokers dont have breath that is that bad unless they neglect their hygiene, and is eating garlic or tuna fish a deal breaker as well ? Honeslty tuna or garlic breath is far more repulsve to me than the smell of cigarette smoke. For me the problems are the taste (of their mouth) and the smell (of their hair, skin and clothes) when kissing them rather than the smell of their breath. I agree that garlic breath isn't good. Onion breath and coffee breath aren't great, either, but I don't have it in my heart to deny someone a good meal that I would enjoy eating myself. (I won't really deny someone a cigarette, either, I just don't want to kiss that person.)
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I dated a woman who smoked, and she had bad breath, but could never taste the cigs, just the white wine, called her "grizzly grigio" behind her back.
denise_xo Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I love to have fun with these types in two ways. One is to mention that there is an FDA standard for bug parts per million in all manufactured food products, and that most any kind of canned food has bug parts in it. They love hearing that, the reactions are priceless. Another way is to remind them that our bodies contain about 90 trillion bugs in the form of bacteria and various mites and such. Look them in their eyes when you say this and say it deadpan as if it's just matter of fact. These types will start fidgeting and freaking out instantly. It's funny. Your talking apples and oranges as far as I'm concerned. Smoking is an addiction, and one that is likely to lead to a premature death. The bugs that naturally exist around us clearly aren't.
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Smoking is an addiction, So is an OCD obsession with cleanliness, and I find that's actually what most zealot antismokers suffer from IME as opposed to any mere revulsion of smoke. I'm pretty strict on diet and exercise myself and don't think a few lungfulls of smoke is gonna kill me, I imagine most of us breathe in the equivalent of a few cigs a day just walking around. Personally I think inhaling gas fumes at the pump is worse than second hand smoke from smokers. But if second hand smoke gets me, so be it, something was going to. I figure if I don't die from being eaten alive by a wild animal I did OK as far as deaths go.
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