fivefortydegrees Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 i was with this girl twice in the last four years..... the first time we were together for a couple of months.. she was a 23 year old smokin hot babe who was in the fashion industry and had a side job as a part time model... i was 29 back then.... she dumped me but gave me the impression that she had to leave the country because she was given a better job opportunity overseas.... but in actual fact it was just a cover up so that she could get together with this french guy.... i just let it go.. i thought she was just way too young to be serious about anything 2 years later we got into contact... she told me the french guy did not care about her at all and he cheated on her many many times.... she hinted that she wanted to be with me again but i was reluctant.. i made a couple of things clear to her... first i could not accept having another cheating partner... as i was screwed in badly by someone in the past that completely broke my being.... i also let her know that i didn't want to start anything with her until she he was completely out of the picture and she had lost all feelings for him... she continued to see him regularly because she went to dance at milongas every weekend and had to see him.. i was cool with that.... after a few months of her chasing me i finally let her in... magic happened from there.. we connected at an emotional level.. we had a strong bond... we talked to each other every day... we did things together every evening.... and i sent her home every night... (she lived an hour away from me)... i trusted her again... until things didn't add up form... she always called me regularly and frequently but she would always disappear on sunday afternoons and evenings she had claimed she was knocked out from menstrual pains or she was spending time with her family.. and there was this one time when she went on a trip for an overseas milonga.. but i found out she went with the french guy which she failed to mention... in the end my suspicions came to reality as i caught her red handed one evening... she had lied to me about her whereabouts that night.. i never keep track of her... but she just gave it away.. she was spending her night at that french guy's place... i still remember her first response on the phone was 'why are u acting so surprised.. you always had your doubts' anyway..she left him to find me that night and told me she wanted to be with me because she couldn't be with a man who didn't love her.. and she knew that i loved her with all my heart.... but just as i warned her at the beginning of our relationship... i couldn't control myself.. getting quite abusive at times emotionally.... i just couldn't handle the rage.. i mean why do all the girls i ever care about just end up cheating on me... and why would she do such a thing knowing that that would be the one thing that would hurt me most? i couldn't contain it.. my anger my rage was consuming me... i became something i never imagined myself to be.... it was just horrible.. even though i knew i loved her deep down.... during this time that we were trying to patch things up she told me she loved me and she wanted to have a future with me... even amidst my struggles with the pain... i bought this really expensive piece of property for us to live in.... a full sea view with a clubhouse... but at the end it was difficult for me to trust her again.... after three months she had enough and she left me.... i tried pleading with her... one month after we broke up.. i called her again.. at which point she said.. our relationship was a huge mistake to begin with... we should never have had a second round.... even though i was good to her she never loved me and she never wanted to have a future with me and she fell out of love with me completely.... its been two months since she left me.. my life has fallen apart completely.. i have lost passion for everything i do... i teach martial arts to kids on the side as a hobby.. and no matter how things used to get bad and how the world was taking the piss out of me... teaching kids would always drive me to push on but even this i have lost passion for.. food doesn't taste good.... i have a vacant apartment with a heavy mortgage repayment and i still have no idea what to do with it.. i am not planning to move into it either.... i can't concentrate at work... and i can't be committed to my newly formed rock band..... i still want her back.....i just don't think i can love anyone again when every single girl i ever loved turned out to be liars and cheaters...... i have had numerous girlfriends in the past.... i've had good relationships and some really shxxxy relationships... but i've always been able to let them go freely..... why is this one just so hard to get over???? i started receiving counselling... she's been helpful.... told me that i should stop blaming myself for how the relationship turned out.. i keep thinking that if i could control my anger more and be more forgiving she wouldn't have left... the first step in moving on would be to accept everything... i have trouble grasping the meaning of that.. can somebody help me understand how to accept this???? thanks for reading this long long thread.. really.... i just realized how boring it can be to read this sloppy story.. i've already bored all my friends with it!
nu464 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 How do i talk to him? So the i am new at my school and i reallllly like this guy i would literally die for him. He was new last year and apparently almost everyone liked him. Not as many people like him this year but i do. For some reason he gets annoyed at people liking him. He rides my bus and he knows i like him. At first we started out friends and when he found out i like him he seemed interested. All the boys know i like him and always make up storys about things that i say and make me sound really obsessed with him. I think thats why he stopped being my friend. One day my friend asked him what he thought about me and he said i was so wierd. He started saying mean things about me. If he HAS to talk to me he will make somone else do it. Whenever i find us staring at each other it is just about the most awkward moment and i look away quick. My friend Asked him if he hated me and he said no. He just asked another girl out and she said no. How do i talk to him and how do i be his friend again??? please dont say to move on beacause thats what ive been trying to do and it hasnt worked. Hes friends with my best friends and im friends with his best friends.i was thinking about playing hard to get also. How do i do that?
shayla Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 I am so sorry that this woman hurt you, over and over again. The pain you are suffering must be excruciating, and she should be ashamed of herself for putting you through all this. But I have learned that some people have no conscience and she seems to be one of those people. In my experience, the only way to move on is to put one foot in front of the other, put your thoughts on taking care of yourself to the best of your ability, finding other things to be passionate about, individual counseling, and time. If you have been in bad relationships over and over again, please take tme to work on yourself in order to improve your picker. It can be hard to not jump right into something to try to relieve your pain, but if you are hurting, you will only choose someone else that is hurting and you will suffer even more. I'm sorry that there isn't anything that can make it all go away quickly. But if you do these things in time you will have peace and you will be able to start a new relationship for all the right reasons. Good luck.
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