Geffm Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I am not the type a person who will write in a forum and discuss with my mates about personal feeling. I am 36, a divorcee with no kid and I think I have gone through that period of puppy love thing. But this time I really cant quite figure out what would be best to do. This lady came join the company I am in 2 mths ago and she is an Asian girl. Frankly, I never looked at Asian girls in the past but when I saw her, I taught hmm... she is quite cute. As my colleagues and I get to know her, I found her more and more likeable every day. She is smart, firm, good at her work, sweet, very down to earth and gorgeous. The more I talk to her, the more I like her. Since she came to office, I feel quite excited and have more motivation to work. Just to see her makes me happy and when she smiles at me, it makes my day feel easier. Here is the problem, she has a bf . Her bf is living 6000 miles away... and visiting her not very often. I heard this from other colleague which actually also fancies her. So I couldnt share this to my colleague. I have been telling my self that I should not think of her but I failed everytime I try. I am in the position which I have to work with her together on daily basis. I tried to ignore her and limit my contact with her, and I think she felt I acted weird or upset with her. She was asking if she did something wrong which made me upset. I told her that I am busy and she asked to many question which irritated me. She said sorry and looked sad. Since then she became a little bit distant and now I feel awful. I am desparately want to talk to her and to show that I care about her but she is attached! Just to get a reply for working email from her is making me happy. I even made up a working topic converastion just to talk to her or invite her to come for a work meeting so that she is around. This is bad and believe me I try not to like her. Any comment or suggestion will be appreciated. At this point I dont know what to do..if any one ever been in such a situation please feel free to give suggestion.
dasein Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Besides the fact that she has a BF and you don't know the parameters of that, you don't mention anything at all about her feelings and her response to you, only how you feel. That's a nonstarter with women you hope to build attraction in, her attraction is ALL that matters at this stage, not yours. This situation is dangerous to your work because if it gets out that you are making up company things to waste her time, it could go very badly for you. Make a commitment to get out and meet some women who a) don't work with you b) are available, and c) are interested in you. Stop sitting idly and thinking about the wrong woman who comes into your life via work without any effort on your part. In other words stop being lazy and go out and find good options for your dating. Good luck and welcome to the forum.
mammamia1 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 lol this is kind of 'puppy love', which is getting rarer these days. Tell you the truth, I have 2 friends who were pursuing girls who were in long term committed relationship. And they both succeeded. Of course it took ton of time, effort, and headache (heartache). So yes, it's possible to work it out, ask yourself first whether you want to go through that. Now, I think you should let her know. Since u already sent the wrong message (making her think that you're upset at her), explain what's really going on. Most likely she'll say No, but ask her first what's her relationship status. If it's not that serious (like "wedding next month"), you can still try. Why? If you like her a lot, you know it's hard to meet someone like that. I've been waiting for years for someone to come along and make me feel that way, since my previous relationship. It sucks. It sucks even more if I meet but don't tell that person my feeling. Talk to her, or send an email if you don't feel confident, to explain.
Author Geffm Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) hi Dasein and Mammamia1, thanks for the reply. I never liked anyone at my working place before nor planed to like someone through work. I always hang out every week with my buddies. The fact I ended up liking her is not what I would ever imagined. Put it this way..It just happened that I like her. She was once asking me if I would like to join her for a show but I said no because I was afraid that I will end up kissing her by end of the show or did something stupid. She said she asked the female colleagues but no body seemed interested in watching the show and she asked if I would not mind to join. So I guess she didnt really ask me specially. Once she asked me if I want to go for lunch together nearby office and again I said no.I was trying to push her away . Since then she never asked me to join her lunch or anything else and especially after I told her that she is irritating. The other day I saw her having lunch with a bloke whom I know, they sat right opposite of my table. I was bloody jealous and I didnt enjoy my lunch. Later on, I found out they are old friends. I dont know if she likes me a little or at least some feeling for me ? and wot If I told her, I wonder if it will ruin the work relationship if she doesnt like me back. I heard today from other colleagues that she felt I hate her. I know I screwed it up Edited November 21, 2011 by Geffm
dasein Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Don't believe what they say about thinking you hate them, that's a ruse. In all likelihood she knows you are crushing on her. Get out of there at lunch, stay away from her at work, but when you run into her be friendly and say hi, don't act weird or edgy. You need to get out and meet some options who don't work with you.
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