wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Hi, i'll try cut a long story short... I am 25 and my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me roughly 7-8 weeks ago, didn't contact her for 3 days before she text me telling me she missed me and all that.. We got closer and closer again and even went out on a date together 3 weeks ago. But i think i was too in her face all the time wanting the ''old'' us to be back instantly.. We have still been meeting once a week since the break up and sometimes twice a week, since just before this date when i felt her getting a bit colder towards me was when she started seeing a old friend of her's who she hadn't seen for about 3 years, my gut instinct says that 80% of me feels she is possibly entering a rebound relationship with him. I think it's a rebound relationship because the times we have met up even last night she held my hand when we went out to the pub together. Last night was when i said to myself ''It's been almost 2 months now i need to know one way or another, if she wants me...is she now with this old friend'' To which she told me that she wasn't, but also told me she doesn't want to be in a relationship..but also told me that on our anniversary ( last October ) she was hoping the gift i got her was an engagement ring! On the way back from the night out when i was walking her home we ended up arguing ( probably down to drinking all evening ) and it ended very cold. The problem is i moved almost 200 miles away from my family and moved in with her Nan after the break-up because i have my work up here now and felt that we could make it work...This morning i text her that i think we should both move on ( deep down because i want to know what will happen if i dont contact her and will hope she will see what we had and what she has lost) and shortly she is bringing the remainder of my things from her house and meeting up with me ''to say goodbye in person not text''. Also because i don't know anyone up here and will be working on over the Christmas Holidays its not possible for me to go back to my family for that time and she said said to come over to her parents (who were like a 2nd family to me) house for xmas with her. I feel so confused and like for almost 8 weeks i have been getting the same feelings week in week out because i have been seeing her then being alone until i see her again, pretty much counting down the days and hours until it is time for us to meet up again. Just little things you hang onto...like this morning we was texting about her coming up to say goodbye face to face and asking her via text ''if we will ever be together again'' and instead of no she says ''for now i dont. sorry'' Yeah we had our problems and argued and the death of one of my parents sent me v depressed towards the end of our relationship and caused me to start drinking alot more and put on weight, but since the split i have focused on becoming the person i used to be when we was together... ....sorry to sound like i am rambling on haha! I just need advice from what people might be thinking whats going on in her head, if me cutting all contact will make her come back... like i said its a strange situation to be living at a ex-girlfriends family members house while your not with her... Like most people here, i just want her back i am positive at this moment she was my soul-mate and i lost her by becoming depressed and moody and drinking too much. Any help or advice is welcomed with open arms with love from me Thanks x
Author wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 ARGHHHH!! the title should have said ''new here and some advice would really help'' haha damn you internet!!!
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I am a tad bit confused regarding the engagement ring... that was this October? What was the reason for the break up?
Author wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Last Oct 2010, she she only said to me last night that she was hoping for a ring, im so glad there is a place like this to get emotions and feelings out, a place that makes you know your not alone in this.
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Oh I agree. I love this place. It is nice to know your not alone and to get some un-bias opinions. As for your ex, do you think maybe she was waiting for a commitment and when she didn't get it, she started to detach? Did you guys talk about marriage, family and a future before? What was the reason for the breakup? A fight? What did she say?
Author wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Perhaps she was waiting for that commitment, and the ironic thing is i wanted to but for some reason didnt. It was mainly down to the state of mind i was in...very very low in myself arguing more often. She has recently (1hr ago) came over to where im staying at her Nan's and dropped the rest of my things off, and i said goodbye to her and that we can't be friends because otherwise i will never get over her. As i walked away, i could tell she was crying for a couple of minutes in her car before she left...then as she drove away she looked at me, waved and smiled.. From a womans point of view, what do you think she is feeling/thinking from all what i have said??
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Did the relationship end messy? Was there infidelity? It's very hard to say because I don't know how it ended. I would assume she is confused, still cares, but is not sure she wants the relationship. She's probably scared of losing you in her life, but she is respecting the fact that you guys cannot be friends. She needs some time and space to collect her thoughts, to figure out what she wants, whether it be with you or not. That being said, don't wait around, because then you are in limbo with hope and if never does happen again it will hurt all over again. Just respect her request for the break, go NC and start to heal. One day at a time.
Author wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 No infidelity what so ever, didnt end too messy...we stayed very close after until recently when ive felt her go more cold towards me. I suspect that may be due to me texting her too much and as soon as she pops up on facebook chat saying hello. Yeah i am planning to go NC since we said our goodbyes and had a hug in her car this evening. I just feel as raw as i did when the break-up happened 8 weeks ago, but i think your right... she can only miss me if im not around be that in the flesh or by text/facebook. It's not helped that im currently off work with a spained ankle for 4 weeks haha so not had much to take my mind off it
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I did that with my ex, burn to after the relationships... durring the relationship... I would smother him with texts and I love you's... he told me later that I was pushing him away with that. I didn't realize that I was doing that, I thought I was just being sweet, loving, supportive gf. Now I got angry at him for not telling me that until we broke up... but thats a different story and a long one. But yes she cannot miss you if you are readily available. I am LC with my ex only because we work together, but it seems to be working in the healing factor and him missing me. Does that mean we will get together?.. no, but it's better for both of us if I am not up in his face. As for being at home laid up, I find self help books... lots of reading, movies, video games, meditation, writing and coming on here all help when I am stuck at home. Invite some friends over.
Author wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Cheers for your words, you are a good person Chelsea.. i have read a few other peoples stories and you somehow find the time and thoughts for everyone. I hope everything works out for you and you get to where you want to be going in your battle with this.
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Thank you, that means a lot. I wish I had positive words and ideas to cope for everyone, because I know all that I receive certainly help me. Everything will work out for all of us in it's own time. I believe that if we take the time to focus on ourselves and love ourselves, realize our own pitfalls and how we had a part in the demise of our relationships (there is always an underlying issue) and work on these issues, that we will find peace and a happy future. It may sound pathetic because it's the internet, but I am here to listen and encourage for whomever needs it. No one wants to be alone right now, so if you need to talk... I am here.
EgoJoe Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 There are usually alot of subtle things etc. that could apply. One thing about the ring which may or may not be important is that when a man displays doubt it doesn't have a good effect on women.
Author wmids Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 yeah since i got a gut instinct around 3 weeks ago that she was becoming more distant from me i have just shut down...lost 1st n 3lbs in that time!! Thing is a week or two after the break up we started meeting up and getting close again..even went over hers a few times and cuddled on the sofa watching tv. My reaction to her feeling more distant was just more contact though...texting her everyday...waiting around on facebook and when i saw her online would instantly say hello to her.. I'm just at a loss, i have NO interest in anything what so ever. It's a double edged sword to be off work with a bad ankle because i feel i would be too depressed to go into work if i had to, but being off work stuck inside all day all i do is pace about the house thinking about her and blankly looking at random websites. i have gone NC with her since i saw her to get the remainder of my things last night at 5pm (English time) life can really be a kick in the balls sometimes.
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Hate to say it...but, she's probably dating this "old friend" and seeing where this new relationship is going because she waited 5 years for you and probably felt that this relationship hit a wall and wasn't going any farther. You need to go strict NO CONTACT! No, "let's meet up face to face one last time." Screw that! She made the choice to have you out of her life. You give her JUST THAT!!! No Contact. She keeps stringing you along with the texts and phonecalls....that's because she wants to make sure the dog is still on the leash, because if the "old friend" doesn't work out the way she hopes it will, at least she has you to fall back on! Is that fair to you?
Author wmids Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Yeah i just wish when i confronted her about it at the weekend she said ''NO! He's my friend i have known him since i was 16!'' (shes now 22) she had just come clean with me if she was. The no-contact thing is extremely hard as im living with her Nan at the moment (i moved here from my family 200 miles away) and have no where else to go. So i constantly have her nan talking about her and her family.
Author wmids Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 And what do you think my chances of going NC with the hope of getting a text in a few days saying ''i miss you'' are? I just want her back, i screwed up by not seeing the signs she wanted an engagement ring, i screwed up by not seeing the signs our relationship was about to end.
ChelseaLS Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 And what do you think my chances of going NC with the hope of getting a text in a few days saying ''i miss you'' are? I just want her back, i screwed up by not seeing the signs she wanted an engagement ring, i screwed up by not seeing the signs our relationship was about to end. You need to stop blaming yourself.. you can't read minds. My ex said to me when we broke up that I was smothering him... I said to him "And I was just supposed to know this? Why didn't you tell me? I can't read minds". I told him it was unfair not to let me know and that things could have changed if he had shared with me. With NC most people do get a random text or call like that, but more often then not nothing comes out of it (ie reconcilliaton). I get where you are coming from, I just want to be back in his arms... oh how sappy I am. I cannot help it... I love, love.
Chi townD Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Yeah i just wish when i confronted her about it at the weekend she said ''NO! He's my friend i have known him since i was 16!'' (shes now 22) she had just come clean with me if she was. Yeah....uh huh....Go and read some of the stories on the infidelity section and you'll read thread after thread of women and men saying that they were "just friends". And of course she's not going to tell you that she's dating this "old friend". Why would she want to admit that to you? So you can turn around and hate her for her ending it to be with someone else? Nah, she'd rather just let you go on feeling guilty for not giving her a ring and making this all your fault. You need to change your situation. You need to move out of her family members place and find a place of your own. This way, she can't keep tabs on you. You have to consider that this relationship is over and you need to move on. You need to go no contact and heal from this so you can go forward, Make positive changes in you life!
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