mtd4249 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I have been in contact with a female for the past 3 months who I met online and we plan to meet in January. We get along well and in one of our recent conversations, the topic of "me time" in a relationship came up. I'm someone who doesn't need a great deal of "me time" in a relationship. On the other hand, she is someone who admits she feels a need every now and then for time alone. The issue (she admits) extends from her teenage years when she had to look after her mother and had very little time to herself. In a relationship, she needs to find the time to spend doing her own thing (be it a bath, reading or with female friends). I understand "me time" is important in a relationship and that everybody will have a different amount of "me time" that they need. I asked if this had been an issue in her past relationships and she said that some of the guys interpreted her "me time" as her not wanting to be with them. The one thing that she mentioned which pricked my ears was she feels a need in a relationship to spend a week or so a year going on vacation by herself, spending time with female friends, going on vacation with her mother, a yoga retreat or something like that. Personally, this is something new to me -- as a kid, my parents would take the family on vacation together and in my past relationships (which lasted 7 and 16 years) vacations were always spent together. I see vacations as a special time for two people together, to enjoy relaxing time, gather memories etc. Isn't there enough time in a relationship to get "me time" outside of vacation time? Of course, she did say that the other 3 weeks of vacation a year she would like to spend with her partner. Perhaps this whole concept plays on my weaknesses -- both my ex's went away to have an affair. Undoubtedly, this is about two people with different expectations of "me time". Are vacations apart "normal"? If her and I actually pursued a relationship, how would we reconcile this difference of "me time" expectations?
Atlantico Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 A lot og red lights came off when reading your message. Only 3 months in a relationship (still in the so called golden period) and she is already mentioning the "me time"? By now she (and you) should instead figuring out how to have more "us time". She is training you into being what she wants, the way she wants...I have been there. I call this the "pedagogic" atitude. Unless you are ready for a life of misery call it off. Really!
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