Jalor Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Need to get this off my chest as it's eating me up this morning. I met this girl through a friend a few months ago. We're both mid 20's and at the time she had a long distance relationship. She had been with this guy 6 years. We were obviously attracted to each other but she made it clear that she didn't want to cheat on him. We saw each other in group settings a few times after and ended up kissing one night about 6 weeks ago. Soon after, her bf who had told her he would be moving to be nearer her, called her and told her that he didn't want to come anymore so she broke up with him. Following this, we started texting a lot and saw each other a few times for an hour or so where we just kissed and chatted. I asked her about her bf and she told me that she still loved him and couldn't imagine being without him even though she didn't really miss him. I found out through a friend of a friend that she didn't like it when I asked her questions about him because it made her think about him and she didn't want everything to be too serious with me. About a month ago, she found out that he has been seeing another girl. Anyway throughout this period, I decided to just play it super relaxed and never initiate conversation by text but she would write to me without fail every day. She then went home for 2 weeks on holiday (back to the town where her ex-bf lives) and she saw him and he told her that even though he's with someone else, he still sees his future with her etc...Again, throughout this 2 weeks, she texted me always wanting to know what I was doing and I would always be the last person she wrote to before going to sleep. So last night she invited me to her place to watch a film and one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together but I was pretty nervous as I felt like I had 1 chance to convince her that I'm the right guy. Suffice to say that I couldn't reallly get hard and things were a bit awkward even though she didn't really seem to care and we spent a lot of time just kissing etc afterwards. Later, I made the mistake of asking her about her bf again and she told me the same as a few weeks back (that if it wasn't for the long distance, they would def still be together, that she still thinks about him, how if he wasn't around it would be easy and she would def be with me etc...) In my mind I feel that last night was my chance and I screwed it up. Living in a big city and working long hours means that we only really get to see each other at weekends and so I don't have an immediate chance to rectify things. Whereas 2 months ago, I always felt that she was a bit distant, over the last few weeks, we had def been getting a lot closer and exchanging 20 texts a day, talking about things we could do in the future etc....I just feel like everything I've worked for in the last couple of months has been destroyed by 1 night. Should I just not contact her and wait for her to text? Any ideas would be much appreciated
KathyM Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 It doesn't sound like she's over her X. You don't want to be a rebound guy, do you? Tell her you'd be interested in having a relationship with her, but you don't feel she's ready for that yet so soon after breaking up with her bf. Tell her to contact you after she has put the X behind her and is ready to devote her full attention to a new relationship.
Author Jalor Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I agree, I think I prob need to take a step back Honestly, do you think the fact that I didn't perform last night wil have made her doubt things even more? She's only been with 3 guys in her life (all relationships) and so for her to sleep with me was quite a big deal for her and I screwed it up. I keep replaying things through my head and it's driving me crazy.
KathyM Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I agree, I think I prob need to take a step back Honestly, do you think the fact that I didn't perform last night wil have made her doubt things even more? She's only been with 3 guys in her life (all relationships) and so for her to sleep with me was quite a big deal for her and I screwed it up. I keep replaying things through my head and it's driving me crazy. Don't worry about it so much. Nothing you can do about that at this point. Just take a step back, tell her to call you when she feels she's completely over her X, and then if and when you do start dating again, work on building the emotional connection before the physical one.
Author Jalor Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Haven't heard from her today. Guess it's to be expected, should I just go NC?
Freddys Posted November 22, 2011 Posted November 22, 2011 She is still under her ex influence no matter what . . Fortunately you had nothing physical yet! You would be in big trouble if you have done that . . So far, sounds like you could be the rebound guy, but that's not so bad. Stay cool, meet her once or two per week, and do not mention anything about her ex or yours "relationship". In case she does not making any chase of you, at the moment, she is into her ex A LOT. Women can not chase 2 guys at the same time, so i believe she is still chasing her ex, but with her mind. Her mind belongs totally to him, but you can do the right moves so she forgets him, but it will take time, probably lot of time. Take things slow, really slow, and in case you are a challenge for her, she will forget her ex the sooner. Do not forward things yet, she might want that but is lying to herself and you the most. She just wants attention right now, so she can feel much better. Probably does not even care about your feelings . . .
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