nyjfan983 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Never posted on anything like this before but trying to get an outside perspective. Here it goes. I have been dating my current gf for a little over three years now. We met through some mutual friends and hit it off. She was great, just everything I was looking for. Things started out great but as time went on, I started learning more and more about her that I didn't like. Her bf of a few years from high school (10 or so years ago) had cheated on her multiple times and she didn't end it, she just decided to get even. Her next bf after that they dated for about 3 years and they would take multiple breaks and she admitted to hooking up with people on a short break. She also admits to cheating on him because he said "I would **** a random girl." Not the greatest thing to hear but I only found out because the guy she cheated with, well that guys ex was going to be somewhere and she wanted to let me know. She also happened to get together with the guy she cheated with and his gf at the time (same one she told me not to talk to). All of this information about cheating wasn't found out until she broke up with her then bf. I find out a few months later she never really had a father figure in her life and her mother was a little promiscuous while she was a child (This is all from her telling me). We also have a mutual friend she "hung out" with before we started dating but never became a relationship. Well recently she approached this guy, mind you intoxicated, and asked him repeatedly why they didn't work out? When I approach her later about this conversation she said it was nothing important so I let it go. Well I found out a few weeks later about the true conversation through another friend and when I approached her about it she denied it and eventually changed her story to I don't remember. Little weird right? She just kept saying we never dated, and all I could think was why would you ask that kind of question then. Obviously she had been thinking about it, and mind you this is 3+ years in to dating. My gf started working at a new job and it happened to be around the time we were broken up. Well she then tells me she has to get some guys number from work so she can get in the building on a weekend and works in the same department with him. This may be crazy but I noticed she shaved before work that weekend and said she was going to wear shorts to the gym but found out later she wore pants. Again, maybe I am just looking to much into things. The only reason I bring up the shaving is because when she went in that day, I couldn't dismiss this feeling in the bottom of my stomach telling me something wasn't right. She has blatantly denied anything happened but constantly questions my motives, if any girl has text me, etc etc. She just never seems to have trust in me but I have done nothing wrong and I have caught her going through my phone a few times. Before we broke up briefly over that whole conversation, things were great. I mean perfect. But since we have gotten back together she seems to just be giving me a little attitude about everything and has a much shorter temper. We still talk of moving in together, but with me paying for the house not quite sure what I want to do with this. I'm just concerned what she has done in her past will eventually surface again and happen to me and don't wanna find out too late. I really love her but just don't wanna get hurt and I know this is weak to try to protect myself but just keep thinking by now she is a pro at cheating and she went through a 3 year relationship without getting caught. Thanks for all help.
sadcalifornian Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 From what I read, she does not seem to either understand or believe in exclusive relationship. Or, you can say she rather cheat than being cheated on. The root cause may be not having a father in her life and/or watching her mother living a promiscuous lifestyle. The bottome line is you cannot change or fix her. Since you have found out her true color, it is best to cut your loss and walk away. She may be a wonderful person in all other aspects, but she is a terrible person to commit your life to. Don't even look back.
drifter777 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Since you are not married and do not have children with this woman, your solution is brain-dead simple; drop her like a bad habit. Why agonize over this and wonder if you can ever trust her? It's stupid to not simply move on and find a new woman.
Try Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Can you ever trust her? Answer: no!!! Do you want to stay with someone like that? Answer: I would not, but you are not me.
RobD70 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Before we broke up briefly over that whole conversation, things were great. I mean perfect. OR... you could have just been blind to what was going on around you. If things were perfect you never would have had this conversation. I'm just concerned what she has done in her past will eventually surface again and happen to me and don't wanna find out too late. I really love her but just don't wanna get hurt and I know this is weak to try to protect myself but just keep thinking by now she is a pro at cheating and she went through a 3 year relationship without getting caught. Oh yea, if she isn't actively cheating at the moment she soon will be. This girl ain't marrying material no sir! The answer is simple like someone already mentioned. RRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... *breathes* ...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! Also RUN!
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