Veeh Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 First off- I apologize for this being long and if parts are semi-incoherent. I've had about two hours of sleep since Thursday. I've been married to a soldier for almost three years. (It sickens me that we're just another statistic, cheating military stereo-type) He had been in another state for school purposes until Mid October. We had some issues, and things were stressful for both of us for a few months before he left. When he first came home, things were awful. He was ignoring me, and always snippy, and there was an extreme lack of affection. I discovered a few days after he had been home that he was texting another woman he had met over the summer. He called her pet names, and talked about our marriage and me, and how he was going to leave me. They never had sex. He just talked to her constantly for a month, and they had kissed on a couple of occasions. It felt like he had betrayed me in every way. He fell apart, instantly cut off contact with her, and the next day set up appointments with a psychologist for himself, and marriage counseling for us. He told me that he didn't ever want to leave, he would say it and it would make him feel less guilty. I've been going through a diverse range of emotion. Ultimately, I know that when I said my vows, I meant it. My pride instantly screams "You are compromising your self worth, leave now!", my heart still loves him, and I had decided that I have to give our marriage a second chance to hopefully be whole and healthy one day. He told me that he didn't ever want to leave, he would say it and it would make him feel less guilty. I told him that I'll never beg him to love me, or stay with me. But if he is honestly willing to work on himself while we work on us, I would be there every step of the way. HOWEVER- Last night he admitted that he had sex with another woman on two separate occasions a month before the other affair had started. He was visiting his family, and she was a family friend. I'm so lost. I can't tell if I'm numb right now because I had already accepted that he wasn't faithful to me recently. I told two close friends who have dealt with similar issues with their S/O and stayed with them. I haven't told anyone about this new information though. I feel too ashamed. I'm isolated. I keep asking myself if I'm going to be one of those stupid women, who make excuses and allow their love to weaken their selfworth. Or do I just stay with the original plan when I thought there was only one woman? Right now if I left him, I don't know if I would be able to look back and view leaving as the right decision before exhausting all options. But I also am having trouble being happy with myself right now for accepting a cheat and a liar to call me his wife. Our first marriage counseling appointment is next Tuesday. Until then I hope I can find some sort of sanity. =[
frozensprouts Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 i'm so sorry you are in this position ... it's a terrible spot to be in on the negative side he cheated and disrespceted you in the worst way possible.. on the plus side, he admitted to the first affair on his own and he is trying to get some help. i'm a little concerned about the rapidity of his respnse, and his reason for saying he was getting out of the marriage. if i were you, i'd wait until you've attended some counseling sessions, etc. before msaking up your mind about what you want to do. btw...was he recently deployed? if so, that may have something to do with his behavior...deployment can affect some people in weird ways...if you think this is an issue, psychological counseling for him could be imperative best of luck to you, and i hope things get better:)
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