dumpedandsore Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) Dear all The year is coming to an end and I'm still hopelessly single. Yes, i have been rather active in the online dating scene since 2004 and hasn't been at all successful. I have met several men from various different online dating sites, joined some informal social dating events, met guy friends introduced by colleagues/friends. But none succeeded. Online dating sites: Either met/know guys who just want no strings attached relationships or flings or fast hook-ups or FLAKERS with no real commitment or sincerity to know me better' or guys who simply vanished after a few sms exchange; guys who hi-bye to me after one meeting, those who simply judged me based on my looks and write me off as I do not meet their physical preferences in a dating partner. Those (online male friends) who continued to contact me after our meeting, suddenly volunteered to introduce their single male friend to me, though i did not request for such matchmaking assistance from them. Or those who dated me for a few times then suddenly just drifted apart and did not date me again . There are those who take me simply as a male buddy (friendzoned me almost immediately).asked me for dating advice on new single ladies they have met, then entered r/s with them, but they never look at me in that romantic way.. Events: Met guys who instantly requested to be in a relationship with me, went for a couple of dates, then rejected me and asked me to know more guys; met guys who choose any other single lady in the event than me, claimed that they have no physical attraction to me I am getting really sick and unbothered these days. I have tried to improve my looks, change my dressing style and shred pounds, be more sociable and confident and optimistic. Read dozen of books and tips on dating, relationships and socialisation, practise it and none works. I have friends who look fairly plain, attended one dating event and striked pot, found a lovely man who loved her very much and married.. And many other such one time luck example. Year after year, my dating "luck"/ "predicament" doesnt change. I have 2 relationships from such net meetings but these guys come in and go out even quickly. They just quit on me (break up with me) after a few dates with no proper explanation or accountability whatsoever then very soon become committed in r/s with some other girls. I do not jump into bed with these guys..but I just simply could not have a decent proper long relationship. I can't even date ...The outcome or process is always the same. I have tried all i can, what should i do next? Or what is wrong? Edited November 20, 2011 by dumpedandsore
mammamia1 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 don't stress out, many people are in your shoes. Just relax and when it happens, it happens. I met my previous bf (years ago) at a laundry shop. Very random and simple. And yes, I tried online dating too, to no success. I'm a young 20-something girl, attractive and all. There're guys who pursued me but I'm not interested at all, that's no different from having no one pursuing. And a few guys I like just disappeared after 1 or few dates. Oh well. Been single for years and am taking it easy now.
somedude81 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 There're guys who pursued me but I'm not interested at all, that's no different from having no one pursuing. Sorry, but that's bull crap. First of all, that's very disrespectful to the men who have pursued you. "I'm not interested in you, so you don't exist." Second, you should get some measure of pride knowing that some guys are into you. Don't you think you'd fell a little differently if you were never pursued? Maybe you might wonder why nobody is ever interested?
KathyM Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 As far as what is wrong, you are not exhibiting attractive qualities that interest men. I do have a couple of suggestions for you, though. If you've done everything you can to enhance your appearance (within reason) and have tried to improve your social skills, some things you could also do to improve your attractiveness to men is to become a more interesting person and someone that has skills or talents that would make you a more interesting person to get to know. Read more about a variety of topics so that you are a good conversationalist. Become more active and involved in hobbies and interests that would make you a fun and interesting person to be with. Do more humanitarian projects, and become active in altruistic pursuits. Learn to cook well, and develop a style/look that is interesting. It's time to pull out all the stops and go for the all out effort. Consult a stylist to determine what look would be most attractive on you. Go to the gym and work on developing the physique that would be most attractive. Consult with a dating coach to find out how you could improve your presentation. There's lots that you can do. Develop your look, your personality, your lifestyle, your interests, your knowledge about a variety of topics.
KathyM Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 or she picks the wrong guys and ignores the good guys. Sounds to me like she's not having any luck with any guys. The way to succeed in dating is to make the most of what you have, and to be realistic in your expectations, and to put yourself out there socially so you have the opportunity to meet guys. She's done the last of the three. Now she needs to work on the other two--work on herself and be realistic in her expectations.
El Brujo Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Dumpedandsore, Do you know what you want? Most people don't. KathyM got at least part of it right, you have to involve yourself in the right kinds of activities where you'll attract men that you like. Check out some activity clubs. If you're looking for intelligent guys, get into model airplane flying or ham radio. If you're looking for macho guys, go to custom car shows. If you're looking for guys who care about the environment, join an agro or conservation club. If you like to cook and eat, join a potluck party group. Any of those are better than the typical generic drink-a-thon bar groups. I know it sounds anal and off-putting, but sit down at a table with a pencil and paper and ask yourself what qualities you're looking for in a guy. Do you want a guy who's the strong, silent type, or a guy who's full of energy and likes to go places and try new things? If you're staring at a blank sheet of paper after five minutes, you're not ready to date yet.
Leegh Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 When you are in public, don't wear any rings, as men may think you are spoken for. If you are for example at a dance, smile at someone whom you are interested in getting to know, and look at him for a few seconds, so he'll know it's OK to approach you. Also, when you meet a guy you may be interested in, you could say "Gee, I'd really like it if you'd ask me out". Possibly guys you are meeting are not getting the correct signals that you are interested.
FitChick Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 The OP missed an opportunity when she didn't take up one guy on his offer to introduce her to one of his friends. I'd suggest she do that with every guy -- "We may not be right for each other but perhaps you have a friend, coworker, relative, neighbor, etc. whom you could introduce me to."
OliveOyl Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 I don't think it's about "improving" yourself. I think it's about improving and changing your thoughts and beliefs, which do affect your reality. My suggestion is to read the following book from cover to cover. It's a bit cheesy, totally oriented toward women (too bad there's not a version for men) but I really believe in its principles (and it worked for one LS member who is now engaged in less than a year).
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