Surfer Girl Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 8 years together...contact after 1 month..then nc for 6 months until I saw him at charity event. He was with someone.......nc for another 2 months ....saw him on the road two weeks ago...I know him and I have no doubt he is with someone....for some reason today has been especially hard...breakup has been close to 9 months..maybe because we were together last thanksgiving....I was doing so well moving on....just needed to vent to keep from contacting him..hopefully when all these holidays are done. I can really move on.. I don't regret giving myself a year to grieve...As I don't want to compare...I so want the holidays to be over!
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Aww I am sorry. I can't relate to 9 months, but I am having a **** day too (43 since BU for me). These moments can really bring you to your knees. I was doing so well yesterday, but today I feel like I am on my face. I don't think there is anything wrong with a year to grieve. You will move on. We all will.
Author Surfer Girl Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 Looking back..I realize the phases....3 months nc. I felt I moved on....4 months hit me hard....I was ok for another 2 months...hit hard again after 6 months...another 3 months ok and now hitting hard again after 9 months....what a roller coaster....the good thing is I know I will be ok...and the triggers will become less and less.. Just when you think you have moved on... It hits you again....looking forward to not feeling it anymore.... Thanks Chelsea for your reply....we all have different time lines...I just never knew it would last this long....
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 It might seem long, but 8 years is a long time together. I think it is going to take me a long time to move on as well (we were together 6 years). The roller coaster is not fun and I myself am ready to get off this ride. At least you realize your pattern and the triggers and I bet you would take this 9 month low instead of the first day of BU blow. Thats what I try to remind myself of when I am having these days... I try to remember day one and what that felt like and then I look at where I am now. I am having anxiety attacks now which I think is because I am anticipating him calling me (only because I feel the same way at work when I know he is done for the day and going to walk by my office). But hey at least my face isn't swollen and I am not crying and hyperventilating anymore. We all deserve to be happy and loved and we all will again.
shayla Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I still have pissed off flashes and it's been a year! And we were together for 3 years, not even half as long as your relationship. The holidays can really suck. But that doesn't mean you cannot make new memories this year. Everyone's healing is at their own pace. Thank God because I kept reading here about people being okay after a few months and I was no where near feeling better. It will come for you too.
Author Surfer Girl Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I understand what it is like to experience the withdrawal in the beginning....and thank you for reminding me how much I have been able to move on since that time...No amount of pain can compare To the beginning of a breakup...At one point I could not even leave the house....It hurts a little now but nothing compared to what it once was....Thank God!
betterdeal Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 It could be the weather. Seriously. Your mood is more likely to be related to present day maladies than past events. Your interpretation of, say, an upset stomach because of an undercooked mussel in last night's dinner leading to you feeling under the weather, as being related to your break up 9 months ago could be just that - an interpretation - when the real cause of discomfort is that undercooked mussel. If that's the case, it is telling that you interpret it so. It tells me you can unlearn the habit of referencing discrete maladies to a former relationship and take them at face value. It's darker at this time of year and that reduces your vitamin D production and affects melatonin levels. That can make you feel down. Ways to manage the "winter blues" include a varied diet, dietary supplements rich in vitamin D e.g. cod liver oil, and excercise, which is known to improve mood by virtue of the neurohormones produced when we exercise. Going for a walk in the day time, eating oily fish a couple of times a week, lots of fruit and veg, and taking a multivitamin supplement, can all help to keep your mood elevated, and asking yourself, what's wrong here and now? when you have depressive thoughts pertaining to your ex, can help you break the habit of thinking about them when it's not them that's bugging you right now.
Author Surfer Girl Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Shayla Thank you....I too feel like sometimes I should be over it and it is good to know sometimes everyone's timeline is different....At this point even if I never meet someone else...I will still be ok......I am older now...and have no regrets if it turns out I am alone... I still have friends and family and I had love....once and some people never have that....I have good memories....
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