SWAN808 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Has anyone here noticed themselves acting a bit crazy in relationships or during breakups? I recently had to separate from a GF who I was very close to - and we are still in some contact. However - at times I go crazy when I cant get hold of her...I cant even sleep...Im starting to think Ive got some issues around this...possibly stemming from my childhood at boarding schools...anyways - just wanted to put it out there in case anyone has felt similar...Its got me quite worried because it really affects my behaviour - I become desperate and needy - its not cool and not like me...
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 No that is what happens when we break up from someone we love very much. Everybody on here has probably turned into a crazed psycho needy person, texting, calling, etc. We do this to fight to keep the relationship. It is learning to let go that is the hardest part.
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 It's very normal. 43 days since BU for me and I am having a ton of anxiety... actually feeling that way right at this moment. Sometimes I start to panic when I remember it's over. Then I wonder why I don't get to be happy. It feels pathetic, but it's normal.
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Poor Chelsea. Do you have single friends ther are websites to meet new female friends. In England it is called fishing for a friend. I have made a few friends in the same boat as me. It is very hard. You cant imagine ever being happy again but we will. I have had anxiety all day and tearful. A bad day for everyone I think. Tomorrow is another day.
shayla Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) I have spent many a friday night and all day saturday crying into my pillow...imagining my cheating ex doing everyday things with his new wife...then I remember that while he was still in a relationship with me, his long time girlfriend, she was his fiance....so, she didn't get a good relationship either, she was cheated on from the day they met until the day he dumped me by email, almost a year later. Besides that, now that I'm out of the craziness, I can't believe how at peace I am. And I would not trade that for anything. I'll leave the anxiety for her. Even if I never have another relationship, the most important one has been saved, that's the one with ME! Edited November 20, 2011 by shayla
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I am not sure what we would have here for meeting people. I should google it. I know I sound a tad bit pathetic right now, and I know it's just the day I am having. Blah. Chin up. We'll all make it.
wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 No that is what happens when we break up from someone we love very much. Everybody on here has probably turned into a crazed psycho needy person, texting, calling, etc. We do this to fight to keep the relationship. It is learning to let go that is the hardest part. Letting go of someone you love is the hardest. There's nothing like it.
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I know it may sound horrible, but I feel like it would be easier to loose my ex to death, then to loose him this way. How awful is that to say?
motive2002 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 OP I don't think there's crazy in there. I too am feeling worse with relationships and break-ups. It had occurred to me that the reason why may actually stem from something like you suggested. About 7 years ago, my parents sold off their home, the one I grew up in, and that was a foundation for our family as far as I can remember. Sold it off and left in an RV to explore after retirement. It never dawned on me until recently that it may have a lot to do with my current abandonment issues. Fear of losing relationships, and the inability to cope when a relationship dissolves. I also think that as I get older, the awareness of my own mortality, and changes to my body and overall health make me feel a more desperate need to "couple off" and find that lasting relationship that I can grow old in. It wasn't like when I was in my twenties, when a break-up was seen as more of an opportunity. "Lots of fish in the sea" as they say. I was able to bounce back easier and less set in my own ways. There may be something in your life that changed. An event that triggered a feeling of desperation outside of your interpersonal relationships. Maybe something else is causing anxiety, or lack of self worth, or something else you may be carrying into relationships with you. Like baggage in a way. My recent break-up has me feeling extremely jilted, and for no real logical reason, as it didn't really last all that long to begin with. but something about it shook me to my core, and made me realize that I have a lot of work on myself to do. Some soul-searching or something. I know it's cliche to say that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another person, but I think there's really something to that. Ask yourself if you're really happy with things as they are now. Are you living in the present? Dwelling in the past? Are you worried about the future? What sort of things are hanging on your shoulders now that may prevent you from forming healthy relationships, or feeling secure in them? I don't think you're the only one who has reached a point like this in their life. I used to be a lot more confident and a lot less needy, but something has changed and I'm working on identifying what that is. Hope that helps.
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 For myself personally I honestly can't think of anything that would trigger this awful feeling. I am doing well and usually do fabulous during the week. I implemented all the to do's with a fresh break up. I sat down soul searched the reason for the demise in the relationship and part in it. I wrote out an action plan to bettering myself and have been following through with it. I am happy with who I am... it's hard to say if I am happy with where I am at, only because I head says to me "well no your not chelsea because if you were where you wanted to be it would be with B", but I know thats wrong. I try not to think too much of the future right now, as it does send a panic through me. I have great relationships with family and friends, but for me I am not ready (clearly after 43 days) for a new romantic endeavour. However on a good note I am more confident then I used to be. So yay me. I have been getting hit on a ton, which is nice, but doesn't mean a thing to me at this point. Just a roller coaster or change.
lolita jade Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 It is definately worse the older you get. I was in a relationship with my husband for more that half my life. we had 25 years of life together and children. I have and elderlt father of 86 and no mother. I have a sister accross town, who I dont see much. I do have friends. My 20 year old son lives with my husband in marital home and daughter about 80 miles away. I feels very abandoned and lonely. It is the same feeling as him dying. I have experienced grief. It is worse than someone dying. At least you have to come to terms with them dying. It is definately certain and no chance of them coming back. In my teens, the feeling was there for a few days then I would be off partying and on to the next. I had a bad day yesterday. I felt like crazy I needed to phone him. I didnt and feel better today. ( it must have been the drinking Friday night that made us all morose as in bad day thread )
lynn43 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 I am having a very difficult time with the break up & coping on the weekends is especially hard. We were together a year & a half. I th ought everything was good until we reached the year mark. We broke up three months ago but saw each other a month & a half ago. I can't seem to stop texting him. I miss him so much & am trying to hold on to some hope. I've always been one to give up on a relationship & not try after things have gone bad. I know he has his issues & I do as well, but I can't help but feel it's not over. I know he's dating & I have as well, but when I'm out there, all I can do is think of him. I am so depressed & it makes it especially difficult with the holidays quickly approaching. I just feel like something is wrong with me & im not worthy of finding happiness with someone.
wmids Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 ChelseaLS i think exactly the same sometimes! You think if it had been death then you know they are gone and you cannot ever get them back, but this way feels they are still there and you just want them to notice you, notice the old you and them.
Author SWAN808 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 (edited) thanks for the help guys. Its good to hear this could be normal...this relationship I was in was the closest Ive ever been with someone. We had a wonderful time but then I realised quite suddenly that there was something not right with us for the longer term - so actually 'I' was the one who ended it...however I still feel the need desperately to talk with this girl - because we are so close. Its very conflicting. Breaking up was very upsetting and being a guy I found the crazy feelings very difficult to handle... In England we have this very old fashioned system where often wealthy people send their kids away to boarding school. Its seen as a sort of privilege - but the reality is that young children such as 7 year olds suddenly find themselves sent away from home often hundreds of miles away from their family. Im starting to think this is what is causing my reactions...there are actually groups of therapists working in this area now. For anyone interested in this peculiar british tradition - check out this video - it was filmed in a school very much like I went to at the time I was there and is quite revealing (and upsetting in places). My Dad actually went there and I interviewed there (Hawtreys school) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aatIB-yc7nQ Thanks Motive2002 for your story - your analysis sounds very sensible and thoughtful. Edited November 20, 2011 by SWAN808
ChelseaLS Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 ChelseaLS i think exactly the same sometimes! You think if it had been death then you know they are gone and you cannot ever get them back, but this way feels they are still there and you just want them to notice you, notice the old you and them. I think it is also because if he had passed away, he would have passed away loving me still... which would be comforting. Make sense? Blah, the ride of the roller coaster.
nu464 Posted November 23, 2011 Posted November 23, 2011 my mom died when i was little. my dad left when i was 8 yrs old. have not seen him since. i have noticed in my relationships i have a deep deep fear of abandonment. i would like to work on this issue. i am so tired of having the possibility of a relationship only to have him leave me for someone else Additional Details thank you both very good answers.
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