smokey bear Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 If you keep talking to her, her rebound will continue, please read everything you can about rebounds and exit the picture. 3 months i would say is the earliest a rebound should last. id say its more 6 months, but the cracks start at 3 months. the quicker you exit the scene the quicker they have stand on their own feet. But you have to remember it was only a 10 month relationship with you. 3 of which were rocky, the honey moon period could have ended for her with you. It doesnt matter what the circumstances are, the only way she is going to consider you is when your gone, right now she knows she has you. so you've got a choice of dumping her back and just disappear or you can continue what your doing and walk her hand in hand through getting over you, thats what your doing, making it an easy transition to get over you.
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 If you keep talking to her, her rebound will continue, please read everything you can about rebounds and exit the picture. 3 months i would say is the earliest a rebound should last. id say its more 6 months, but the cracks start at 3 months. the quicker you exit the scene the quicker they have stand on their own feet. Going NC is going to be hard but I guess that's my only option. Have I already done too much damage chasing after her, with her ignoring me for the past month or so? But you have to remember it was only a 10 month relationship with you. 3 of which were rocky, the honey moon period could have ended for her with you. I'm not sure what you mean by this? It doesnt matter what the circumstances are, the only way she is going to consider you is when your gone, right now she knows she has you. so you've got a choice of dumping her back and just disappear or you can continue what your doing and walk her hand in hand through getting over you, thats what your doing, making it an easy transition to get over you. That makes a lot of sense. It seems like she already is over me. Haven't heard a peep from her since she met this guy 3 months ago.
smokey bear Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 we all get clues of what happened, you need to go back to the 3 months that were rocky, what were the thing she was saying to you? her reasons for doubt?
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 we all get clues of what happened, you need to go back to the 3 months that were rocky, what were the thing she was saying to you? her reasons for doubt? She wasn't getting enough attention from me. She didn't think we spent enough time together. She got very needy/clingy/obsessive. It was pushing me away so I started pushing her away. She was so on top of me so I ended things. She wasn't very upset, more angry/accepting of the breakup. She did say that she hoped I would regret my decision so that we could get back together when I felt right again. The day after she said that she started seeing/talking to someone new which was 3 days after our breakup. Since then she hasn't tried to contact me. It's been one sided. She said we can no longer talk because it's unfair to him and unhealthy for both of us. Now she just ignores me.
smokey bear Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Fall off the face of the earth, only a guess here but what i think could happen are 1. you stop contact, 30 days, i think you might get her reaching out to you. 2. she'll go needy on the next guy and push him away because she didnt take time to heal and learn between relationships. or she's moved on because you neglected her. look at your actions, chasing and pulling her arent working. now you need to STOP,HEAL and get yourself back
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 I thought by chasing her I would show her the attention that she needs and would make her happy/consider wanting to try again. The first time I contacted her she was a month into that relationship and said she wouldn't end it just to try with me again. She said he made her happy. At this point she has ignored me other than to tell me to stop contacting her because it's not right/unhealthy.
smokey bear Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 do as she ask and go nc and heal if shes ignored you for 2 months i dont think shes coming back
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 We communicated with each other a few days ago. I asked her if she thought there was a chance we'd get back together. She said she wasn't sure because she doesn't trust me (afraid I'll do what I did last time around). She also said we can't talk anymore because she's seeing someone. It is looking like she's not coming back unless this relationship fails. It started less than a week after our breakup. Though it would be over by now. 3+ months still going strong...now I'm really worried.
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Do you think her response meant: 1. "I don't think this relationship I'm in is going to end so probably not" or "Even if I'm single again I don't think I can give you another chance"
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 It looks like she has moved on and is in love with someone else. I'm so stuck on her and don't know how to move on.
silly_panda Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Man... Sorry for the situation that you are having now... First of all, I will say, the more you chase her, the more you will push her away... So stop contacting her and give her and you some time... She is in a relationship now... Doesn't matter if it's a rebound or not... The thing that really matter now is, between you and the new guy... Who did she chose..? You already knew the answer rite..? It may sound hard for you but this is what's happening now... And you really gotta stand up and walk away... Whether she will have a change of heart and comes back, no one knows... But one thing for sure... Leave the past, focus on the present, don't worry about the future... The present for you now is she is happy... Doesn't matter with who, if you really love her, you will be happy when she is happy too... So leave it as that and start healing... Hang in there man...
Author wow123 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Panda-Thank you for your kind words. Update: It's finally time for me to move on. After a few communications she got mad and told me to stop contacting her. She said she's blocking my number, email etc. She also told me she was out having fun with her boyfriend. That's a good indication that she's 100 percent done with me. This is going to be tough...I pushed her too far.
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 (edited) Now I feel like a nutjob! You use appropriate words and everything here is black and white. Have you considered you might actually be a nutjob? If its anything that I had to put a hammer to a nail, I would say you are insecure with yourself I am not trying to be harsh but you ended the relationship. Walk away. You can't end a relationship and a couple months later be like oh I miss you blah blah I still have feelings. Remember her response? She doesn't trust you to not do it again. This is why you do not hear about reconciliations that much. Trust is gone, toast, non existent. This is the real world where one's independent decisions will hurt interdependent relationships. You are here blaming your ex and focused on your ex. How about focusing on you. For some reason you ended the relationship. Ask yourself why? And answer this. Fix that problem, stop blaming your ex, learn from this and let it go Edited November 21, 2011 by wilsonx
nu464 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 wow123 you have so many reason to stay away from him so if I where you I will move on!!
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 You use appropriate words and everything here is black and white. Have you considered you might actually be a nutjob? If its anything that I had to put a hammer to a nail, I would say you are insecure with yourself I'm hurting, therefore am acting irrationally/emotional. I am not trying to be harsh but you ended the relationship. Walk away. You can't end a relationship and a couple months later be like oh I miss you blah blah I still have feelings. Our breakup was as cordial as can be. She said she hoped I would come back when I was ready. I did 4 weeks later. She was already with the new guy. Started seeing him within days. Remember her response? She doesn't trust you to not do it again. This is why you do not hear about reconciliations that much. Trust is gone, toast, non existent. This is the real world where one's independent decisions will hurt interdependent relationships. I realize that now. That's not the way she felt when it first happened. She said she wanted me back when I'm ready. You are here blaming your ex and focused on your ex. How about focusing on you. For some reason you ended the relationship. Ask yourself why? And answer this. Fix that problem, stop blaming your ex, learn from this and let it go I broke up with her because we were both very unhappy. No major events. I needed to fix myself before our relationship could work. I did, but she was already done.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 wow123 you have so many reason to stay away from him so if I where you I will move on!! You're right. She's gone for good now. Realized it when she said she's blocking me from everything so that i can no longer contact he. It hurts so bad.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I wasn't happy or excited about seeing her for the last 2 months of the relationship. I finally broke up with her. When I saw on Facebook that she had a new guy I contacted her. I now went from being unhappy not wanting to spend time with her to being obsessed with getting back together. Now devestated that she doesn't want anything to do with me and it's never goign to happen. How could my feeling have changed so drastically. We haven't seen each other in months.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 I wasn't happy or excited about seeing her for the last 2 months of the relationship. I finally broke up with her. When I saw on Facebook that she had a new guy I contacted her. I now went from being unhappy not wanting to spend time with her to being obsessed with getting back together. Now devestated that she doesn't want anything to do with me and it's never goign to happen. How could my feeling have changed so drastically. We haven't seen each other in months. Anyone have insight on this? Thanks.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Am I not getting any advice because I'm the dumper so everyone hates me?
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Let it go, neither one of you were happy, you cant change yourself in a couple months. You aren't happy now Nothing about you has changed. In fact, your true colors are actually showing now. I gave you advice, its spot on, you chose to validate it within your own reason and then continue to ask for advice. Here's your answer, "Let it go" and move on.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 Let it go, neither one of you were happy, you cant change yourself in a couple months. You aren't happy now Nothing about you has changed. In fact, your true colors are actually showing now. I gave you advice, its spot on, you chose to validate it within your own reason and then continue to ask for advice. Here's your answer, "Let it go" and move on. I'm not sure how putting me down and telling me to move on is considered advice. Especially considering my statements on how I'm hurting. I'm asking for insight as to why my feelings have changed so drastically.
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 How is calling you insecure a put down? You asked the question, I gave you the answer, with the continuous posts, you are only validating to me and others that I am correct. Me holding your hand is not going to make the pain any less. Do you not think their are other people on this board that aren't hurting. Do you think possibly I might still be hurting? I had a girl hold my hand last night. Didn't work. You are responsible for your own well being, your own pain, your own suffering. How about doing something to positive with the negative energy you have such as, joining a gym, go for a run, learn something new, better yourself. This is the time to do it when you have all this negative energy coursing through your body. It takes time for the pain to go away and focus on yourself in positive ways.
Author wow123 Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 How is calling you insecure a put down? You asked the question, I gave you the answer, with the continuous posts, you are only validating to me and others that I am correct. Me holding your hand is not going to make the pain any less. Do you not think their are other people on this board that aren't hurting. Do you think possibly I might still be hurting? I had a girl hold my hand last night. Didn't work. You are responsible for your own well being, your own pain, your own suffering. How about doing something to positive with the negative energy you have such as, joining a gym, go for a run, learn something new, better yourself. This is the time to do it when you have all this negative energy coursing through your body. It takes time for the pain to go away and focus on yourself in positive ways. Calling someone insecure for multiple posts is a bit of a stretch. I do know most people on here are the dumpees and don't want to help dumpers. I've been on this site as both now. It was a fair question to ask at the least. After our breakup, I did all or most of the things that you suggested. I was happy with myself, by myself. That was the plan before reconciliation. When I went back to her, she had moved on and changed her mind. That's when I began hurting. I'm not asking you or anyone else to hold my hand. I'm trying to figure out whether or not my feelings changed because she moved on so quickly, or because I truly love her and want to be with her. I believe it's the later of the two but others thinking with a clear head may think otherwise. I can see by your posts that you are hurting and I'm sorry for that. Ther'es a difference between holding someone's hand and showing a little compassion. I know everyone on here is hurting. It sucks.
wilsonx Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Actually I talk like this in real life, with meaning and confidence. There are only a couple posts where I showed hurt and one in the recent months. Compassion, eh. How to do tell someone they are insecure compassionately. I dont know. I just agreed with your post saying you were a nutjob. It was your own words and you did not like to look in the mirror, you saw a shadow of it already but dont want to face it. Im going to tell you why your feelings changed the way they did, its your mind. One of the most basic human drives in life is the desire to feel important. You are showing that right now. You no longer feel important, so when I pinpoint your insecurity and show it to you, you backlash on me. You no longer feel important to the person you were with for so many months straight. You said yourself, you were doing fine for a couple months and then you go back and shes moved on. Guess what, you no longer feel important and you are here. When you broke up with her, she no longer felt important to you so she went off and found someone that gave her that need of importance. Now here's the kicker, if you feel important to your own self, you don't need anything or anyone else. You can find somebody that compliments and not supplements you. And that is love, not what you posted.
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