My Story

[wow123]

Here's My Story

I dated a girl for about 10 months. The first 6-7 months were fantastic. The best I've ever experienced. After that time we got into a big fight. My feelings seemed to change. I began acting differently which she picked up on of course. Although she was always the type of girl that was a little needy/insecure/required lots of attention, this caused her to be more needy as usual.

 

Over the last 2 months of our relationship I began pushing her away as she became more needy. We both became very unhappy so I ended the relationship. Our breakup was as cordial as can be. We agreed that we may get back together when/if I felt right again. I hadn't since that big fight.

 

A month after the breakup I contacted her to reconcile. I will admit this was the same day I became suspicious that there was a new guy in her life. Well, I was right there was. They started dating a few days after our breakup.

 

At that time she said she wouldn't end it with him to try with me again. She was still willing to talk to me and about our relationship. At this point she has told me that we can no longer communicate because she has a bf. She has ignored all contact from me.

 

So after a 10 month relationship she started dating the new guy a few days later. Now not willing to communicate with me at all because of her. They have been together just over 3 months now.

 

Now I'm a mess. Is she in a rebound? Do I have any chance with her? What should I do?

 

Thanks in advance.

[mike588]

Here's My Story

I dated a girl for about 10 months. The first 6-7 months were fantastic. The best I've ever experienced. After that time we got into a big fight. My feelings seemed to change. I began acting differently which she picked up on of course. Although she was always the type of girl that was a little needy/insecure/required lots of attention, this caused her to be more needy as usual.

 

Over the last 2 months of our relationship I began pushing her away as she became more needy. We both became very unhappy so I ended the relationship. Our breakup was as cordial as can be. We agreed that we may get back together when/if I felt right again. I hadn't since that big fight.

 

A month after the breakup I contacted her to reconcile. I will admit this was the same day I became suspicious that there was a new guy in her life. Well, I was right there was. They started dating a few days after our breakup.

 

At that time she said she wouldn't end it with him to try with me again. She was still willing to talk to me and about our relationship. At this point she has told me that we can no longer communicate because she has a bf. She has ignored all contact from me.

 

So after a 10 month relationship she started dating the new guy a few days later. Now not willing to communicate with me at all because of her. They have been together just over 3 months now.

 

Now I'm a mess. Is she in a rebound? Do I have any chance with her? What should I do?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Yep sounds like a rebound. Since you want her back and she knows you want her back I'd go strict No Contact. Let the relationship run it's course,, rebounds usually don't last long.

 

DO NOT contact her,, let her wonder about you, be mysterious, she hasn't forgot about you!! If you keep contacting her,, bugging her you will likely push her further away.

 

In the mean time move on,, work on your faults give it time and see what happens.

[wow123]

Mike-Thanks for your response. You think it could be a rebound even if it's been going on over three months and she refuses to communicate with me?

[mike588]

Mike-Thanks for your response. You think it could be a rebound even if it's been going on over three months and she refuses to communicate with me?

 

I was my ex. g/fs rebound for almost 1 year. She had just broken up with the guy then we started dating. I was used as her "emotional bandaid" because she still had feelings for her ex. I was there to take her pain away from the breakup.

 

Don't freak that I said 1 year. I know I was her rebound guy and if wasn't for me treating her so well she probably would of ended it sooner.

 

He (her ex) just disappeared for for about that year but as soon as he reappeared again I was history. Do the same, disappear, she will wonder about you,,, if your dating someone else, what your up to etc.

 

She knows how you feel, it's up to her now. Let her relationship run its course, when it fails she will contact you.

[wow123]

If she is actually as needy as you describe, she probably began dating again right away because she doesn't like being single. Three months sounds a bit long for a rebound. Of course, again if she's that needy it could extend the amount of time it could take her to recover.

 

As for what you should do? Assume that you will never get her back. Move on with your life. Work on yourself. Read books, watch movies, play videogames, learn an instrument, write your grandparents, go volunteer, focus on your work/education, and most of all, exercise.

 

Yes, she needs someone to give her a lot of attention. I think he's making her feel good about herself again as I didn't toward the end of our relationship when things went bad. I'm afraid she'll never break up with this guy.

[wow123]

I was my ex. g/fs rebound for almost 1 year. She had just broken up with the guy then we started dating. I was used as her "emotional bandaid" because she still had feelings for her ex. I was there to take her pain away from the breakup.

 

Don't freak that I said 1 year. I know I was her rebound guy and if wasn't for me treating her so well she probably would of ended it sooner.

 

He (her ex) just disappeared for for about that year but as soon as he reappeared again I was history. Do the same, disappear, she will wonder about you,,, if your dating someone else, what your up to etc.

 

She knows how you feel, it's up to her now. Let her relationship run its course, when it fails she will contact you.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you went through that, Mike. I can't even imagine. My fear is that her fear of being alone/not getting attention will keep this relationship going forever. I'm not sure that she has it in her to end a relationship.

 

Also, it's very hard to disappear. It make me feel like I"m giving up and she's gonna forget about me and marry this guy.

[wow123]

I should add that I have not heard a peep from her since the day after we broke up. That was around the time she met this guy and they started dating immediately(within 6 days). I have initiated all contact.

[mike588]

Yes, she needs someone to give her a lot of attention. I think he's making her feel good about herself again as I didn't toward the end of our relationship when things went bad. I'm afraid she'll never break up with this guy.

 

There is a good chance that she WILL. She just rushed into another relationship for someone to comfort her.

 

Once the honeymoon period is over things change! I usually DO NOT recommend this but it's been 3 months now and if you still want her back it may not hurt to send her an email/text maybe saying,,, hi, I still feel the same way about you and LEAVE IT AT THAT!! NOTHING ELSE.

 

Don't come asross as weak,, needy,,Boo Hoo I need you stuff,or that your just hanging out waiting for her,, you will look pathetic and she will have all the power.

[wow123]

Mike-She recently told me not to text her anymore. After that, I sent an email telling her about my feelings for her, why I did what I did, etc. I ended it by telling her I'm going to respect her wishes and not contact her anymore. I told her I'm not going to wait around, but she should contact me if/when she's ready. She of course did not respond.

 

She was definitely looking for someone to give her attention. She ended up in a relationship with the first guy that did. They've been together for 3 months now. She says she's happy with him. How long does the honeymoon period normally last?

[mike588]

Mike-She recently told me not to text her anymore. After that, I sent an email telling her about my feelings for her, why I did what I did, etc. I ended it by telling her I'm going to respect her wishes and not contact her anymore. I told her I'm not going to wait around, but she should contact me if/when she's ready. She of course did not respond.

 

She was definitely looking for someone to give her attention. She ended up in a relationship with the first guy that did. They've been together for 3 months now. She says she's happy with him. How long does the honeymoon period normally last?

 

They all last different amounst of time,, 3 ,, 6 months. My ex. didn't like to be alone that's why she jumped in a relationship me.I showered her with attention!!!! and she told me numerous times that he (her ex) didn't along with ALOT of other things,,, good things I did for her that he didn't.

 

End result,,,, she's back with him. By you telling her contact me when your ready is not good,,, you just told her have fun, do whatever, I'm here waiting for you,,, now it may last longer.

 

When the rebound loses it's luster she will know your there, that's not gonna make her panic or wonder ,, Do I have another chance with him (you),,, Is he (you) dating someone else. Again ,she knows how you feel,,,, NO MORE CONTACT.

 

She tells you she's so happy,,, Hummm I wonder, they all say that. The passion of the relationship WILL die out in time,, it always,, always does.

 

I know it's so difficult but there is not much you can do,,, move on, don't contact her,, at this time she doesn't want to hear from you,, it probably upsets her, she HAS NOT forgotten you!!!

 

By moving on it's a win/win situation for you, if she comes back you will be a better person,, if she doesn't you'll be a better person,, Don't be surprised down the road she reaches out to you.

[wow123]

Mike- Again, thank you for your advice/support. I guess I shouldn't have told her to contact me. You're right, now there's no reason to panic if things start to go bad. This guy is showering her with attention as well. I've seen his FB wall, but blocked it a month or so ago so I can't look at it anymore. He's obsessed with her.

 

Unfortunately, we haven't spoken on the phone since we broke up (over 3 months ago). All communication has been through email/text. I hope that doesn't hurt my chances.

 

You're right, she doesn't want to hear from me. She has made that clear. I hope she has not lost her feelings for me because of the new guy in her life. Every time we had contact she pointed out that she has a boyfriend and she's happy now.

 

I'm starting to think in 3+ months it's too serious for her to end it. She can't break up with people. She basically admitted that to me. I'm afraid I'll never hear from her again.

[wow123]

She shows absolutely no interest in me and says she's happy now with him.

 

I should also add:

 

A few weeks ago if she thought we'd get back together. Her response: I don't think so. Part of me doesn't trust you.

[mike588]

Mike- Again, thank you for your advice/support. I guess I shouldn't have told her to contact me. You're right, now there's no reason to panic if things start to go bad. This guy is showering her with attention as well. I've seen his FB wall, but blocked it a month or so ago so I can't look at it anymore. He's obsessed with her.

 

Unfortunately, we haven't spoken on the phone since we broke up (over 3 months ago). All communication has been through email/text. I hope that doesn't hurt my chances.

 

You're right, she doesn't want to hear from me. She has made that clear. I hope she has not lost her feelings for me because of the new guy in her life. Every time we had contact she pointed out that she has a boyfriend and she's happy now.

 

I'm starting to think in 3+ months it's too serious for her to end it. She can't break up with people. She basically admitted that to me. I'm afraid I'll never hear from her again.

 

There is a 1st for everyone (breaking up) You guys had, as you said 6,,7 fantastic months together, she HAS NOT forgotten that!!!!!!!!

 

I think you will here from her in the near future,,, if you LEAVE HER ALONE. She just jumped for the nearest guy around to satisfy her needyness. Instead of her breaking up with him,, maybe he will break up with her??

 

My ex. had alot of strong feelings for me, I know that, it was a tough decision for her to make but she followed her heart,, someone she had a history with (now she has one with me ha.) your ex. has a history with you.

 

You made mistakes, she made mistakes,, we all do. I don't think just because you acted the way you did is enough for her NOT to come back!!

 

When the relationship with him runs it's course and if she decides she wants you back she WILL,, yes WILL break up with him.

[wow123]

I doubt he will end it. It appears as though she's really dating down so he's not going to end it. That's why he's so obsessed with her.

 

She told me she liked the amount of attention she gave her. The attention that I wasn't giving. That's why she started seeing him. So I guess that it is to satisfy her neediness?

 

We dated for 10 months and they are already at 3+. Soon they will have just as much history.

 

As you can see I'm in panic mode thinking they're going to get married. An obsessed guy with a needy girl. Seems like it's not going to end. She's probably loving it. This is hard.

[mike588]

I doubt he will end it. It appears as though she's really dating down so he's not going to end it. That's why he's so obsessed with her.

 

She told me she liked the amount of attention she gave her. The attention that I wasn't giving. That's why she started seeing him. So I guess that it is to satisfy her neediness?

 

We dated for 10 months and they are already at 3+. Soon they will have just as much history.

 

As you can see I'm in panic mode thinking they're going to get married. An obsessed guy with a needy girl. Seems like it's not going to end. She's probably loving it. This is hard.

 

Like I said, my ex. wasn't getting the attention she wanted/needed from her ex. I gave it to her up till the end, nows she's back with him.

 

Your reading to much into this,,your worried thay will get married after dating several months,, if they do the chances of it lasting are very slim!!

 

They have to,,, have to go thru that honeymoon phase just like the 2 of you did. Attention won't always buy happiness, there is no foundation there.

 

When/after the neediness is met,or over then what?? When that obsession is over between them (honeymoon) then what. It sucks to know that they are obsessed with each other now but that won't last forever,, it can't, it won't, he is her rebound guy,, like I was. It's pretty much doomed to fail!!

 

When it fails guess who she will see out,,, Hummmm,, YOU!! There is a history there,, there were FANTASTIC times together, she's comfortable with you,,, your not a stranger.

 

Play your cards right,, and IF,,, IF you want her back she will come a runnin.

 

If you would like to P.M (private message me , feel free to.If not keep posting here,, we all hurt,, were here for you. Your NOT ALONE!!

[wow123]

Mike- I can't thank you and everyone else for your support. She has had very few bfs and has been intimate with very few guys which means this is a big deal for her. This also worries me. All of these things combined makes me think they're going to get married.

 

The fact that they're still together after 3 months makes it seem as though they're serious and it will last. I think I'd be shocked if they broke up. It's very disheartening.

[mike588]

Mike- I can't thank you and everyone else for your support. She has had very few bfs and has been intimate with very few guys which means this is a big deal for her. This also worries me. All of these things combined makes me think they're going to get married.

 

The fact that they're still together after 3 months makes it seem as though they're serious and it will last. I think I'd be shocked if they broke up. It's very disheartening.

 

Your over worrying,, I think your in for a surprise when the honeymoon phase is over with them.

 

So she's been intimate with very few guys,, well guess what YOUR ONE OF THEM,,, you say thats a big deal for her,,, well if it is she will be comfortable coming back to you.

 

I don't have a crystal ball nor am I a mind reader but,,,,, she will be back!! Just leave her alone for now, Really!! When this rebound ends, 95% of them do you will be fresh on her mind.

 

Right now they are obsessing over each other,IT'S NORMAL. let them,give her space, she will respect you for that and think highly of you for that,, even more of a reason to come back to you.

 

NO MORE CONTACT. Remember, remember, remember,,, she knows how you feel, she's not going to forget that or YOU. There is NO guessing on her part. Let her start to miss you,wonder about you.

 

Just because they have been together 3 months doesn't mean much, they are in the honeymoon phase now and it won't last much longer.

Edited November 19, 2011 by mike588

[wow123]

Mike- Thank you. Unfortunately, I don't see this ending. I know how she was with me and I'm sure she's the same with him. Needy, not wanting the relationship to end etc. She says she's happy and has ignored all recent contact (texts/email) from me. She's showing ZERO interest in me. She also told me to move on because she wants me to be happy. It's hard not to believe that she's over me. It appears that she is.

[mike588]

Mike- Thank you. Unfortunately, I don't see this ending. I know how she was with me and I'm sure she's the same with him. Needy, not wanting the relationship to end etc. She says she's happy and has ignored all recent contact (texts/email) from me. She's showing ZERO interest in me. She also told me to move on because she wants me to be happy. It's hard not to believe that she's over me. It appears that she is.

 

She's telling you that now because she is happy,,, for now, at this moment and yes she doesn't want to hear from you because she's to wrapped up in the moment with him,,, that will change.

 

Give it time my friend give it time.

[wow123]

Mike- I really hope you're right. I hope they don't remain happy and end up together. I realize what I had and want her back so badly. As time goes on I lose hope and go into panic mode.

[BillieAnn]

Before I answer, to apologize for my English ( not my first language).

I've been in your place. And her, too.

I had a relationship, 2 and a half years,I was like your girlfriend.It was hard that I left but I was better with the new.(I know this hurts)

I know that this hurts more than you can imagine, becouse after that I had 3 and half years relationship with the gay who was like your girl, too he left me and he is 1 year with other girl!!

At the beginning,I thought it would come back.I waited to pass the time.

My friend, one will tell you:Time works against love!

If you really want back - late, she is not alone!

Do not search more ..If she loves you not to do this ..

[mike588]

Mike- I really hope you're right. I hope they don't remain happy and end up together. I realize what I had and want her back so badly. As time goes on I lose hope and go into panic mode.

 

I know how much it SUCKS, Regardless you have got to move on, there is nothing else you can do at this time.

 

Focus on yourself now, do what makes you happy. Stay in NO CONTACT. Move on. I'm 3 months into being dumped and I know it's difficult.

 

If you feel like it date casually,, see what else is out there (that may drive her crazy) but do it for you, not to get her back.

 

You may find someone who is more compatable with you,, someone who is not so needy and always needs attention.

 

When she contacts you in the near future you may not want her back,,, it happens, believe me. Don't waste any time waiting for her to come back,do your thing,find your happiness.

 

Don't worry about anything she says or does while she is with this new guy,, you made your intentions clear,,, what are you not supposed to have fun too?

[wow123]

Unfortunately, she will have no idea if I am/am not dating others. I found out she was via Facebook and immediately deleted her. We really don't live close enough to run into each other. It is very hard and I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. I hope she comes back, but I know she may not be able to end this new relationship. That kills me as I was the one to break up with her. I have had fun from time to time with other girls over the past few months, but I always go back to thinking about her.

[wow123]

Woke up today feeling extremely depressed. Missing her, thinking about how happy she is in her new relationship. Not sure how to get better.

[wow123]

Before I answer, to apologize for my English ( not my first language).

I've been in your place. And her, too.

I had a relationship, 2 and a half years,I was like your girlfriend.It was hard that I left but I was better with the new.(I know this hurts)

I know that this hurts more than you can imagine, becouse after that I had 3 and half years relationship with the gay who was like your girl, too he left me and he is 1 year with other girl!!

At the beginning,I thought it would come back.I waited to pass the time.

My friend, one will tell you:Time works against love!

If you really want back - late, she is not alone!

Do not search more ..If she loves you not to do this ..

 

I'm not sure I follow you. What is your advice? Sorry.