leoc1973 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Ok I don't know if this belongs here but I am thinking of a second chance so someone give me some insight. We all go through these supposed grief stages. 1 through 5. we heal and all that good stuff. Here is my question. what happens with a dumper? they are technically going through them too. how does it seem like they are going through these stages and then at like stage 3 or 4 they come back? And how come it always seems like its when you hit stage 5 of the whole acceptance stuff.
smokey bear Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Ok I don't know if this belongs here but I am thinking of a second chance so someone give me some insight. We all go through these supposed grief stages. 1 through 5. we heal and all that good stuff. Here is my question. what happens with a dumper? they are technically going through them too. how does it seem like they are going through these stages and then at like stage 3 or 4 they come back? And how come it always seems like its when you hit stage 5 of the whole acceptance stuff. This is a good post something ive also wondered myself, but there are varying factors. For a dumper who chooses to stay single and heal i thnk the stages are the same as the dumpee only with a relief stage at the start. For a dumper who checked out before leaving i believe they done the first few stages before leaving so are at acceptance when they depart. From my experience, for a dumper who left for gigs etc, i believe they dont feel anything until either the gigs ends or untill about the 6 month stage when the fog clears and they see what they are doing. Then i think they go through a month of just being ok and alone and then they start from stage 1. For a dumpee who heals but rebounds, i think they get to the panic stage and get a reboundee, reboundee doesnt work then ends and they carry on from the stage they left off at. For a dumpee who rebounds in the stage of acceptance but not truly happy being alone yet, still miss the ex but know its over, i think these rebounds are the one's that tend to work. It would be helpful if someone could post what the stages are i think. I do believe people who rebound or jump ship for gigs don't process the break up and at some point it comes out. Hence why most people come back after say 3 months to a year, by which the dumpee has normally moved on. A lot of people say the chance of recon is high, but lots of recons don't usually succed because the DUMPEE has moved on or been hurt too much in the break up to go back 1
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 In no specific order... (except for acceptance maybe) 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Barganing 4. Depression (sadness) 5. Acceptance I think in all fairness a dumper would go through 4 of the 5 phases... I don't think denial would apply.
Author leoc1973 Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 Thanks guys. Yeah my ex is at the 6 month mark and I am 99% sure it was gigs. If you read any of my stories she pretty much went from wanting to get married to getting a job 200 miles away selling everything and moving. It all happened in like 3 weeks. I didnt' even see it coming I thought I was getting married soon. LMAO! She has been doing a lot of poking around from no contact really at all. I don't know if its breadcrumbs but I am not biting. I know what you mean about the me moving on part and too much hurt and damage has been caused. I am finally smiling again and I almost hope she doesn't want me back cause I don't know what I would do at this point.
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