Kage111 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 ... and actually meant it? I know I've been guilty of doing this a few times. Sometimes, I meet a girl, she's really nice and seems to like me a lot, but I am just not attracted to her at all... Obviously I can't say that to her, so the nicest thing I can think of is to say "Sorry, I just got out of a bad relationship and I don't want to date anyone right now..." Now, maybe it's karma, but the girl I was dating for a month just gave me the same line. She told me the story of her and her ex, which was very personal, she claims to not have told anyone, and it kinda made a little sense as to why she wouldn't want to get too close... but she also tells me she really likes me and she continues to ask me out, though she has put a hold on anything physical we used to do (i.e. holding hands, making out)... I'm just really worried she's trying to protect my feelings while also trying to remain "friends." So, has anyone ever legitimately not wanted a relationship with someone they actually like?
kvinna Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I've said "I don't want a relationship" before, and it's been said to me. When a guy says it to me, I can never tell if it's: a. "I don't want a relationship right now, but later when I'm ready" b. "I don't want a relationship with anyone, ever" c. "I don't want a relationship with YOU"
Jane2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 As hurtful as it is to consider, it's usually that they don't want a relationship with you in particular. A guy I was seeing for about a month (half of May/half of June this year) told me that he was sorry, he wasn't looking for a relationship right now, that things were too hectic with school and work and he needed to stay focused. So I ran into him and his new girlfriend about two weeks ago, and kind of put some facts/data together to realize they've been dating since August or so, roughly a couple months after he told me he didn't want a relationship.
Anela Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Someone might say it if they don't feel as though they could handle it, but it usually is just that they don't want one with you.
Sooner or Later Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Someone might say it if they don't feel as though they could handle it, but it usually is just that they don't want one with you. ...agreed...
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I'm in a place where I can confidentially say I do not want a relationship right now. A serious relationship is something I know I will want (along with children, the white picket fence, etc.), but right now, I feel as though I have neither the time nor the patience or emotional energy to put into a relationship. Unfortunately, I still really enjoy the company of men (date-like activities), but around the 4-5 date mark they're (very fairly and reasonably) wanting exclusivity and/or sex, neither of which I'm willing to provide right now.
phineas Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Last time I heard that was 1.5yrs ago & it was just before the woman updated her POF profile pictures. She was the last straw. Since then I've learned to guage interest levels & move on when it's time & i've never heard that again. Well, I did hear it once over the summer but she also followed up with she really just wanted a FWB!
smokey bear Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I think it can mean two things. I dont want a relationship with you or I want to have sex with several people. I once before said to myself, i dont want a relationship, then someone walked into my life and guess what i wanted a relationship with him. So i think its more i dont want a relationship with you.
joystickd Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 The last time I said it. I said i just don't want a relationship but i will have sex with you. I said it in a polite way. She understood. I just wasn't and in some ways still not in a relationship mindset. I just want to f**k for right now. The thing is I am honest about that. I'm not going to lie and sell the dream of a relationship when I just both us to give each other pleasure a few times. I think I am like this because I notice that when I become really interested in someone I become "nice' guy and it doesn't work out but when I solely focus on just having sex with this person I get a totally different reaction. I had a woman spend her time trying to convince me to be in a relationship with her. I have a preference for not dating black women. I had a black woman beg me to have sex with her in the hope it would change my opinion on black women.
dasein Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I've only used that to breakup once, and in that instance it was completely sincere, had a traumatic life experience, and realized I wasn't suitable to be a good relationship partner at the time, as the event was dominating my every waking thought, and did so for several months. We had only been dating a few months, so cutting her loose was the best thing.
denise_xo Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I have definitely said it and meant it. But when you're on the receiving side, I agree that it's almost impossible to really know which one of these three you're getting served. In those situations, maybe you just have to accept that you don't know and that, at the end of the day, it doesn't make any practical difference. I've said "I don't want a relationship" before, and it's been said to me. When a guy says it to me, I can never tell if it's: a. "I don't want a relationship right now, but later when I'm ready" b. "I don't want a relationship with anyone, ever" c. "I don't want a relationship with YOU"
blueskyday Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I say that to guys when: 1. I really don't want to be tied down to anyone, and I'm wanting to make friends and hang out.... 2. I don't want to be tied down to them in particular. I think it's an easy way to let them down beause it's true: I don't want a relationship...but when I meet someone else who I have a dynamic spark with, I will suddenly be ok with having "a relationship." So, I try not to use that line when I break up. I usually just say "I don't see this going any further with us. I'm sorry." Personally, whenever a guy has broken up with me and uses the "I don't want a relationship" line, I simply assume he means that he doesn't want a relationship with me. I know it's possible he will meet someone else he will want that with, maybe already has. Don't get hung up on semantics. You only want to be with a woman who is clear about wanting to be with you. You are that much of a prize!
snug.bunny Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 No, but I have said "I am not interested in dating" from the onset. If I've been out past 1-2 dates with someone, it is because I am interested in developing/having a relationship with that person, hence the continuation of dates. I have had it said to me though. One guy said it from the onset, and another said it after I approached him with the topic about 1.5 months in.
ShannonMI Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 ... and actually meant it? I know I've been guilty of doing this a few times. Sometimes, I meet a girl, she's really nice and seems to like me a lot, but I am just not attracted to her at all... Obviously I can't say that to her, so the nicest thing I can think of is to say "Sorry, I just got out of a bad relationship and I don't want to date anyone right now..." Now, maybe it's karma, but the girl I was dating for a month just gave me the same line. She told me the story of her and her ex, which was very personal, she claims to not have told anyone, and it kinda made a little sense as to why she wouldn't want to get too close... but she also tells me she really likes me and she continues to ask me out, though she has put a hold on anything physical we used to do (i.e. holding hands, making out)... I'm just really worried she's trying to protect my feelings while also trying to remain "friends." So, has anyone ever legitimately not wanted a relationship with someone they actually like? Or how about the ones that don't want a relationship, but still want to f*ck you? That's my issue with my last guy. He still contacts me and wants to sext and send dirty pics back and forth. He's actually in California right now, but will be back this summer. He says we are not each others everything, but would love to sleep with me still. It's really irritated. I told him that I wasn't into the friends with benefits type of relationship and to move on. He didn't like hearing that. Oh well. I'm not in my 20's anymore and I want a legitimate relationship. He's in his late 30's and you'd think he'd want the same thing. Apparently not:rolleyes:
loversquarrel Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 She just doesn't want a relationship with you. She's telling you what you've told others. No having to read into it.
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