missingno Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Alright, a month ago my ex broke up with me. We had a little problem when she ditched me and I blew it up into something way bigger. She told me she wanted a break the next day and broke up with me a few days later with the reasons "we fight too much about stupid things" "I'm not happy" "I'm really stressed and you're making it worse". I asked if there was another chance of us getting back together and she told me how she doesn't think it will work if it didn't the last two times we broke up. We broke up in the past because of the same things. I panicked those times and was depressed and begged for her back and all that stuff. We ended up getting back together and I would be the nicest guy and 2 months or so later I would ruin it again by starting dumb fights and it was just a mess when we fought. We wouldn't fight THAT much but enough to stress her out and make her sad. I didn't really change at all I spent the time away from her being sad about the break up. This time I kept it cool. I think I was more shocked because of the reason why we broke up. At the time I thought the reason for breaking up was dumb. I went through a few days of being sad. Went through a few days of being mad and then finally something happened. I wanted to understand what she meant by saying that we fought too much because I honestly at the time didn't think it was that bad. I then tried some serious thinking and it was really eye opening. I saw the way I was behaving. I wasn't being a boyfriend at all. I grew up with a bunch of brothers and we would fight all the time and it would be about stupid things but I would always think in the back of my head "Oh he's my brother, he's mad now but he'll get over it by tomorrow." and that's exactly how I was treating my girlfriend. We would fight and she would get upset and I would think "she'll get over it" but I guess I didn't really know how to treat a woman. I mean I have heard about it growing up that they are delicate human beings but for some weird stupid reason I wasn't seeing it. We were both being mean to each other. There were so many things I wasn't seeing. The weird thing I noticed is that my dad did this to my mother(now ex), my oldest brother did this to his wife(now ex), and my older brother did this to his gf (now ex). We weren't treating women right. I believe this is where I got it from. From growing up with 6 brothers in the family. We were raised in a "tough love" home. No hugs, no kisses.. none of those things. I then jumped into a relationship and after we both got a comfortable with each other my "tough and dumb" side came out. I really wanted to change, when I opened my eyes and saw the way I was behaving I was embarrassed. I really was. The way I spoke to her during fights was just inappropriate. I am not a bad guy at all. Before her I was a really nice guy and polite to others. (not my brothers since they are tough guys they can handle it) I truly feel like I changed. I really do. I can say for the first time that I am glad she broke up with me because I wouldn't of even thought about this. I know its a good thing for me to think this way if not for her then for the next girl in my life. What I'm here for is to ask if it is possible for me to really change in a month? I feel like I really changed but to me it seems a little hard to believe, but it really feels like its stuck in my mind. Another question is if she some day comes back to me how can I convince her that I changed? I was telling my cousin the other day how I felt and she tells me it sounds believable and if it is she is really proud of me but the thing is that the previous break ups I said I changed and I really didn't only temporarily. So I cant even convince my cousin that I changed. I am fine with the break up, after realizing how I acted I don't think anyone should of dated me because of the way I was being. I mean it hurts but I understand where she is coming from. Now though I feel like I can actually make her happy which really sucks because I'm afraid I won't get another chance. I don't want to text her or call her even though she randomly small talks with me.
Lost_Spirit Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 It's great that you realized why you treat your GF this way. But is knowing why good enough? Our childhood really depicts who we are as adults. Here is a good article regarding that: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201004/can-our-childhood-really-predict-our-future I'm not sure how you would prove it to her. Have you shared this with her yet? If not, I guess the first thing you can do is talk to her and explain that you realize that history is repeating itself. You mention your Father and Brothers both ended their marriage because of it. If you let her know you understand and will work hard on stopping this behaviour, she may give you a chance. If you feel this is a serious matter then go get some counselling. If you lose her then you will treat the next one exactly the same and history will repeat itself unless you make a stop. Good luck to you and I commend you for looking within to find the answers.
Author missingno Posted November 21, 2011 Author Posted November 21, 2011 It's great that you realized why you treat your GF this way. But is knowing why good enough? Our childhood really depicts who we are as adults. Here is a good article regarding that: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/healthy-connections/201004/can-our-childhood-really-predict-our-future I'm not sure how you would prove it to her. Have you shared this with her yet? If not, I guess the first thing you can do is talk to her and explain that you realize that history is repeating itself. You mention your Father and Brothers both ended their marriage because of it. If you let her know you understand and will work hard on stopping this behaviour, she may give you a chance. If you feel this is a serious matter then go get some counselling. If you lose her then you will treat the next one exactly the same and history will repeat itself unless you make a stop. Good luck to you and I commend you for looking within to find the answers. I really feel different. Like if I was under a spell and finally awoke it. I have a completely different mentality now. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go out and try it out I like having a lot of time because I'm feeling more and more comfortable with the way I'm acting and if I do get her back some how I really don't want to mess things up again. The bad thing about the idea of telling her how I feel is that I really don't think she's going to believe me. I mean the lines I would use are the same exact ones I have used in the past. Like "I really have changed" or "I'm going to be the nicest and best boyfriend every". When we had the break up and she told me about the way I was behaving she also told me she needed space. We have been in contact, but I'm never the one that starts it. She texts me random things not about our relationship. I keep it short without being rude. I really want to respect what she said about giving her space. The bad thing is that she hasn't contacted me in a while and now that I feel like I've truly changed she might not ever know. There is also something in the back of my head that is really bugging me and I feel like it might end up hurting me badly. The first break up we had was around Halloween. I begged for her to come back and after about 2 weeks of begging her I stopped and realized that it was over. I didn't contact her and left her alone, the day before Thanksgiving she texted me and we talked and eventually asked me if I wanted to go to her family's Thanksgiving. I accepted and I met her family for the first time and they all thought I was her boyfriend but we spoke nothing about being back together. We hung out almost everyday after and ended up dating again. Thanksgiving is coming up and I have a strong feeling she isn't going to invite me.
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