ShannonMI Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I agree with Disenchanted. Facebook has allowed men and women to seek more attention, and I would go as far to say that some would place their value on the social network, the more friends I have on Facebook, the better, the more people comment, the better. It's like they feel validated from all this attention, which I think is unhealthy. I have hot girl friends who get comments ALL the time, from 100s of guys, guys trying to get her to notice them. I have never been with a girl who has been very popular so I don't know how I would react, but I can say wouldn't care. If she starts acting out on it and going out with these guys, then clearly that's a problem. If it's just comments and whatnot, then I don't care. However, for me, I wouldn't waste my time on Facebook, it's so easy to get distracted and spend hours on it. I would much prefer in interact in the real world or even talk on the phone. So, I'll say focus on what you have going on other than your girlfriend but also make time for her. I don't know how long you'll be Long distance but if you're committed to giving it a real go then make time for her. If you feel she's not putting in the effort, then talk to her about it and go from there. But I wouldn't focus on the Facebook thing that much. Hot girls will get guys commenting but it's what she does about it that matters, if she's cheating, that's a no-no, if she's flirting and leading other guys on, that's a no-no. What she does with her status updates is what a LOT of people do, it is what it is on Facebook -- people will post whatever on their statuses. Then what is HE doing? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t306357/
oaks Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Yeah and he's also asking other chicks out while he's got a girlfriend overseas. She's an attention whore and he's apparently a man whore. Ahh, yes, I just refreshed my memory by reading some of his other posts. He's given his overseas girlfriend some sort of ultimatum and now he's trying to date local girls. LDRs are tricky.
ShannonMI Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Ahh, yes, I just refreshed my memory by reading some of his other posts. He's given his overseas girlfriend some sort of ultimatum and now he's trying to date local girls. LDRs are tricky. They are indeed, but he should breakup with overseas girl before trying to date local girls. He's still obviously with her because he is calling her his girlfriend and is apparently peeved that she's on Facebook contantly. Wonder how she would feel if she knew he was trying to date other women.
counterman Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Okay, I did not know that... If you want to date another girl, you should break up with your current girlfriend. Long-distance relationships, yeah, I don't know about that one as I haven't had any experience with it but I don't think I'll end want one of those.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 They are indeed, but he should breakup with overseas girl before trying to date local girls. He's still obviously with her because he is calling her his girlfriend and is apparently peeved that she's on Facebook contantly. Wonder how she would feel if she knew he was trying to date other women. He's a typical cake-man.
cdm369 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Having seen all these comments about facebook. I have a FB page but pretty much only talk to family that I don't see often. Most people don't realize its basically a dating site. These kinds of things would annoy me as well.
ShannonMI Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 He's a typical cake-man. Yes or as I like to call them: A philandering man whore.
denise_xo Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 So, it's fine that you date other girls while you have a girlfriend, but it's not fine that men respond to your girlfriend's facebook updates? What is your practical solution here? Should she make an announcement on facebook that men are not allowed to comment on her posts, especially 'facebook friends' that she is not close to? Should she limit herself to one post a day? Or should she just quit facebook? How do you suggest this issue is solved?
ShannonMI Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 So, it's fine that you date other girls while you have a girlfriend, but it's not fine that men respond to your girlfriend's facebook updates? What is your practical solution here? Should she make an announcement on facebook that men are not allowed to comment on her posts, especially 'facebook friends' that she is not close to? Should she limit herself to one post a day? Or should she just quit facebook? How do you suggest this issue is solved? Yeah he's a hypocrite too on top of it. His practical solution should be that he break up with overseas girlfriend. Then he won't have to worry about who is commenting on her Facebook page anymore. Idiot.
Shaun-Dro Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 When my gf posts something on facebook, there are always LEGIONS of guys scrambling to post something on about whatever she wrote. I really dislike social media. It makes me think a little less of her as it makes me view her as kind of an attention whore. Any comments or feelings? Disagree/Agree? For reasons like this is exactly why I disabled my Facebook account. This, among other silly things, are continuing to destroy relationships.
cdm369 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 For reasons like this is exactly why I disabled my Facebook account. This, among other silly things, are continuing to destroy relationships. This is exactly right...just one more problem to add in the mix.
Els Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Most of the people are acquaintances at best, really. People she has met through cycling for our university, people she has really no other connection to other than "I met you in a class three years ago" sort of thing. I know the close friends who are the close male friends that every girl has. I also know the creeper guys that every girl knows, keeps around for some reason, and they hit on her or say sexual things to her. There is one in particular, luckily he doesn't post on facebook much anymore. My GF and I have had a rough go at it due to her picking up and moving to Taiwan to study. I've made some threads in the Long Distance section. She has 1,224 "friends" (loosely applied term really). When you add over 125 "friends" to your list in less than three months, it really starts to make someone wonder, is she looking for more attention? The reason I posted that about the "attention whore" thing was due to her constant striving to update the world about what is going on ALL THE TIME. AKA-ALL in ONE DAY: "Not for those with weak stomacht-insert youtube video", "Sharing a note from another friend on facebook about the Occupy Portland and Occupy Wall Street garbage", "I miss the snow back home.", "Pizza is now a vegetable according to FOX news", and "Beer runs are good for you article". All that within 19hrs. And, of course, lots of people reply. When we do chat on skype (and not face to face because she's always in the library, just typing chat), she always seems to take a long time to respond, so I figure she's chatting with other people, instead of me, her BF who is trying to take the time to talk to her because I don't get to see her. I'm 10,000 miles away. There ARE bigger issues at hand, I just have always found facebook annoying. Okay, let me get this straight. You posted before that she 'is choosing Taiwan over you' because people have suggested to her that going there to further her studies would be good for her, and she is considering it. You don't want to consider moving to Taiwan yourself. So your solution to that was to give her an ultimatum and start dating other girls behind her back. Now she's an attention-whore for posting on FB??? I'm not a huge FB fan, but your thinking seems extremely warped (and judgemental) to me. How can you think less of a girl for posting on FB when YOU are cheating on her???
Author Viking Posted November 20, 2011 Author Posted November 20, 2011 She had all but broken up with me. Had not talked to me (but magically had time to talk to other people), and so what am I to figure? I guessed that she was "done". I am not a man-whore. I'll say that much. Sure, I've done a stupid thing by asking that girl from the dry cleaners out, but I haven't talked to her in over a week, nor have I even gone there to get a shirt pressed. My girlfriend is a terrible communicator. There is only so much really that someone can take before they start to figure there is nothing left. When I talked to her last (October), she was telling me how she was not thinking she'd want to marry me (after two years of dating), she saw herself back in Taiwan after she graduates from our university. Then she does not talk to me again for a long time. What am I to figure? So, I started looking elsewhere. Our paths do not seem to be lining up, and she does not want to talk about the "real issues" at hand. What I was getting at was the fact that she HAD NOT TALKED to me in two weeks, yet could post a bunch of crap on facebook about God knows what. How am I supposed to take that? Is that supposed to make me think I'm actually still in a relationship? Like I said, after a while, you can only take so much. Think what you like, the relationship seems to only exist in "formality" rather than actuality. I get more attention from girls I am not in a relationship with. I am only asking for the attentions from one, and I can't seem to get it.
dasein Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 First, you don't have a GF. Whatever you have, it isn't a normal, committed relationship. In your shoes, I'd go ahead and break up with her so you can both be free to do as you please in dating. Second, your GFs use of FB is a bit over the top, that's a ridiculous number of FB friends for a young college student, but also, "attention whore" is probably too harsh a term. The real problem I see is with men who are always rushing to suck up to an attractive woman/women. They are to blame more than she is, but I do question anyone being in the middle of college, in an exchange program, and doing that much online and obviously offline socializing being in a position to give to a quality back and forth relationship. I have a hunch the larger problem here is that you perceive her as not giving to the relationship, not devoting enough of her time and energy to it, and that's a legitimate beef. The solution to that is to break up and find someone who is more compatible with what you think a relationship should be.
denise_xo Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 She had all but broken up with me. Had not talked to me (but magically had time to talk to other people), and so what am I to figure? I guessed that she was "done". I am not a man-whore. I'll say that much. Sure, I've done a stupid thing by asking that girl from the dry cleaners out, but I haven't talked to her in over a week, nor have I even gone there to get a shirt pressed. My girlfriend is a terrible communicator. There is only so much really that someone can take before they start to figure there is nothing left. When I talked to her last (October), she was telling me how she was not thinking she'd want to marry me (after two years of dating), she saw herself back in Taiwan after she graduates from our university. Then she does not talk to me again for a long time. What am I to figure? So, I started looking elsewhere. Our paths do not seem to be lining up, and she does not want to talk about the "real issues" at hand. What I was getting at was the fact that she HAD NOT TALKED to me in two weeks, yet could post a bunch of crap on facebook about God knows what. How am I supposed to take that? Is that supposed to make me think I'm actually still in a relationship? Like I said, after a while, you can only take so much. Think what you like, the relationship seems to only exist in "formality" rather than actuality. I get more attention from girls I am not in a relationship with. I am only asking for the attentions from one, and I can't seem to get it. What I'm reading out of this are: - communication problems - different paths in life that are taking your to very different parts of the world and into different trajectories - very little basis for a relationship - other incompatibility issues I think it is time to give this a break, for both of you.
grkBoy Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 While I'm not advocating excessive worrying/paranoia, it is important to recognize that every person - man or woman - will cheat under the right circumstances. That's just human nature. So, to make sure you don't cheat, you have to make sure that you don't put yourself in situations where opportunities to do so easily present themselves. If you don't want a hungry man to steal food, don't put him in a supermarket. Likewise, if you don't want a woman to cheat, don't put her in an environment where she is constantly surrounded with guys who are trying to get in her pants. Personally, I would have a problem if my GF had hundreds of male facebook "friends" who were constantly commenting on her photos, telling her how beautiful she is, etc. Forget cheating for a second...even if she didn't like any of these guys, all of that attention is not good for her psyche. Modern women are spoiled with too much male attention as is...and the so-called "social media" is making it worse. Now every average Suzy and Betty can have her very own male fan club. It's no wonder many of them actually believe that they are "special". We're all different. I've been with women who had loads of male friends. Some even ended it with me to chase some of these men. I was disappointed at the time, but now I see it as I'm better off without her. Imagine if we had married and she got this way 10 years into said marriage. If I was a woman and a guy had an issue with me having loads of male friends, I'll simply tell him that I'll dump him before I dump my friends...and let him walk if he can't handle it. I do the same now as a man with many pretty female friends on Facebook. If a girl can't handle it, then she can leave. I will not dump my friends to make a SO happy. I'd rather die alone. Why doesn't my fiance have an issue? She saw how none of them are dating me or were dating me. NONE. She had colleagues inquire about it, but she simply told them "I dunno...if he's got so many options, then why did he pick me? I imagine he would more stay single and sleep with those women. Frankly I think those girls were stupid to let him slip through their fingers." I had one woman get very flirty with me after I started dating my now fiance. Was she attractive? Yes...but I simply told her to stop, and would have hit the "delete" button if she persisted. That's what I expect any SO to do. I don't care how easy it is. Let them cheat. Let me see who they really are so I can rid my life of them. NO ONE IS WORTH FIGHTING TO KEEP! NO ONE! If a man or woman has to monitor their SO all the time and they freak out or think they'll cheat in a heartbeat, then they're better off ending the RL and staying single. If your SO is a cheater or has that in him/her, then nothing you do will stop that. You won't somehow keep them from cheating. You're better off catching them, dumping them, and not having that problem in your life. This is even why I don't advocate people getting married quickly. Get to know the person, and see if they're in for the long haul. I know that's not fullproof, but it helps.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 If your SO is a cheater or has that in him/her, then nothing you do will stop that. You won't somehow keep them from cheating. You're better off catching them, dumping them, and not having that problem in your life. Every person (including you) has the capacity to cheat under the right circumstances, though admittedly some are more prone to this than others. You will never find a woman that would not cheat on you under any circumstances. All it takes is a guy who is good looking, charming and knows what to say to women.
cdm369 Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Every person (including you) has the capacity to cheat under the right circumstances, though admittedly some are more prone to this than others. You will never find a woman that would not cheat on you under any circumstances. All it takes is a guy who is good looking, charming and knows what to say to women. I totally agree with this statement. The difference between one who cheats and one who doesn't is the one who doesn't cheat doesn't put themselves in that position. This is why I am careful about how I relate to the OS. Don't want to put myself in that spot or want my SO to have to worry about it.
grkBoy Posted November 20, 2011 Posted November 20, 2011 Every person (including you) has the capacity to cheat under the right circumstances, though admittedly some are more prone to this than others. You will never find a woman that would not cheat on you under any circumstances. All it takes is a guy who is good looking, charming and knows what to say to women. Then why bother getting into RLs? Why bother getting married? By your logic, all men should be working their tails off to be as "alpha" as possible so they're the ones landing the women as opposed to being the ones cheated on.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Lose the jealousy complex. A far more prudent move would be to lose the Facebook.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Then why bother getting into RLs? Why bother getting married? By your logic, all men should be working their tails off to be as "alpha" as possible so they're the ones landing the women as opposed to being the ones cheated on. Exactly. As a man, why the hell would you bother getting married these days? Because that's something you are "supposed" to do? Because your parents/friends/society are pressuring you? Statistics show that 65% of married women cheat. And I can promise you that the remaining 35% don't cheat simply because they are too unattractive and no one wants them. And the best thing is that women can cheat on you as much they please and then still divorce you, get custody of your kids and half of what you own. Is "no fault divorce" a great invention or what?
ShannonMI Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 She had all but broken up with me. Had not talked to me (but magically had time to talk to other people), and so what am I to figure? I guessed that she was "done". I am not a man-whore. I'll say that much. Sure, I've done a stupid thing by asking that girl from the dry cleaners out, but I haven't talked to her in over a week, nor have I even gone there to get a shirt pressed. My girlfriend is a terrible communicator. There is only so much really that someone can take before they start to figure there is nothing left. When I talked to her last (October), she was telling me how she was not thinking she'd want to marry me (after two years of dating), she saw herself back in Taiwan after she graduates from our university. Then she does not talk to me again for a long time. What am I to figure? So, I started looking elsewhere. Our paths do not seem to be lining up, and she does not want to talk about the "real issues" at hand. What I was getting at was the fact that she HAD NOT TALKED to me in two weeks, yet could post a bunch of crap on facebook about God knows what. How am I supposed to take that? Is that supposed to make me think I'm actually still in a relationship? Like I said, after a while, you can only take so much. Think what you like, the relationship seems to only exist in "formality" rather than actuality. I get more attention from girls I am not in a relationship with. I am only asking for the attentions from one, and I can't seem to get it. I will think what I like. Thank you. And I think you need to break up with your GIRLFRIEND before chasing other women. If you don't see a future with her then end it. You are on here calling her your attention whoring GIRLFRIEND and you are all bent out of shape that she has men posting things to her. So you apparently still think you two are still an item. You make no sense. So you haven't seen the dry cleaning girl? Who cares. You still asked her out and were peeved she didn't want to date you. I know, what a bitch. My guess is that if dry cleaner chick wanted you, you'd be currently dating her. So I stick by my original opinion. You are a philandering man whore. Be a real man and end things with this girl.
mtber75 Posted November 21, 2011 Posted November 21, 2011 Yeah, I know of this one woman, she likes to wear hot costumes at Sci-FI Conventions, and of course she posts them on her FB. She had this real hot leather, vampiric look, fangs and all, and I made some flirtatious comment about how good she looked in leather. She sent me an email saying to please not do that again, that her boyfriend (1,000 miles away I might add) got jealous. LOL That's pretty funny...What are you suppose to say...She look stupid with those red hot leather??? Classic attention whore! I don't mind though
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