Men don’t deserve the word “creep”

[ThsAmericanLife]

Don't get ridiculous with me and I won't get ridiculous with you.

 

oh, you big tough he-man... I just LOVE it when you get all authoritative...

[KR10N]

Certainly not all men are creeps. There are, however, a few that just never get the hint.

 

I was shopping at the mall a few years back (where there are people). Shocker! And bumped into a guy, to which I politely said, "excuse me". I smile & went about my day. After I had left that store, I went to another, then another... I noticed at each store I saw the same guy I had bumped into previously at the first store. It could have all been a coincidence, people are free to shop wherever but a few of the stores were women's clothing stores. The last store I went into I notice the same guy again, who was staring at me (he was making it obvious). So, after my shopping, I went outside & sat at the benches. The same guy comes by again & sits right next to me & engages in a friendly conversation. This I didn't mind, but the fact that the guy had possibly been following me creeped me out. When he asked how my day had been going, I said "fine, you?", smiled & then left. To which he replied something along the lines of "fine, be that way!" All while I was walking away.

 

I don't think I was being rude, but the fact that he said what he said was creepy (maybe not so much creepy but definitely childish). Usually, some guys get the hint & know you're not interested.

[irc333]

Yeah, I see a lot of hot women in Victoria's Secret, but one cannot come with a reason to enter the store and chat up women, unless you make up a story of why you're in there. LOL

 

 

I sometimes try to approach a woman at the coffee area of a bookstore. Usually when I'm waiting on my coffee, and the next woman comes up t make her order, and then SHE's waiting a long with me.

 

I asked this one woman what she ordered, and she said "Pumpkin Spice" and I said "Oh really, what's that like " she goes, "it's nice" but she had this body language that was cold and she didn't really have any smile in her face or eyes, and she grabbed her cup of Joe, and left.

 

And I said to myself, "Well, excuuuse me"

 

She was definitely not wanting to engage in conversation, just kept her answers short.

 

But...women have always made it hard for men to talk to them anyhow. <shrug>

Certainly not all men are creeps. There are, however, a few that just never get the hint.

 

I was shopping at the mall a few years back (where there are people). Shocker! And bumped into a guy, to which I politely said, "excuse me". I smile & went about my day. After I had left that store, I went to another, then another... I noticed at each store I saw the same guy I had bumped into previously at the first store. It could have all been a coincidence, people are free to shop wherever but a few of the stores were women's clothing stores. The last store I went into I notice the same guy again, who was staring at me (he was making it obvious). So, after my shopping, I went outside & sat at the benches. The same guy comes by again & sits right next to me & engages in a friendly conversation. This I didn't mind, but the fact that the guy had possibly been following me creeped me out. When he asked how my day had been going, I said "fine, you?", smiled & then left. To which he replied something along the lines of "fine, be that way!" All while I was walking away.

 

I don't think I was being rude, but the fact that he said what he said was creepy (maybe not so much creepy but definitely childish). Usually, some guys get the hint & know you're not interested.

[dasein]

Quick question... Do you go on subsequent dates with women who decline your request to 'lead' them into bed upon your suggestion?

 

I may or may not, but the decision has never hinged merely on her declining of my sexual advances.

 

I find women bring up sex faster than I do these days. Just because I think it is someone's right to ask for what they want doesn't mean I am always asking for sex on the first date. It's usually the case that the woman decides she wants sex from me before I even bring it up. I often hold off, and do not capitalize on every opportunity for sex that comes my way. Women sense this and it drives them wild, just like Axe body spray.

 

Somehow, I doubt it. So much for the majority of women. LOL. It is funny how often you project your personal preferences onto the whole female gender. And male gender too.

 

I don't really feel like I've been given any advice or even insulted well in the above, so umm OK.

 

I have no doubt that you only have relationships with women who are easily led. The rest are 'feminists'... LMAO.

 

Nah, I'm an equal opportunity seducer, feminists' sexual apparatus works just fine. Once they reveal the sorry state of their mental apparatus though, I'm gone, and may or may not give them a good "hate f-ck" before taking off as a goodbye present. Feminists tend to hate themselves even more than they hate men, so it's win-win. I'm such a crowd pleaser.

[dasein]

oh, you big tough he-man... I just LOVE it when you get all authoritative...

 

For chrissakes did you even read the comment? the "unisex" part? It was ridiculous and I answered in kind.

[A O]

Quick question... Do you go on subsequent dates with women who decline your request to 'lead' them into bed upon your suggestion? Somehow, I doubt it. So much for the majority of women. LOL. It is funny how often you project your personal preferences onto the whole female gender. And male gender too.

Yeah, its one of those unspoken truths and one key reason why confidence means so much to women. But leadership isn’t handed over freely, it must be earned. And more importantly, leadership is about understanding who or what is best for any given situation. Its not a ‘my way or the highway’ type dynamic that usually, the weak, seem to assume it is.

 

oh, you big tough he-man... I just LOVE it when you get all authoritative.

Loved it enough to bring him down to size because you, um, um, got bugged by, I mean really loved it.

 

As for the term creep. This term isn't limited to just the dating scene. It can be any situation where a woman feels spooked or uncomfortable by the physical presence of a male.

 

 

.

[dasein]

BTW, the "being led" part, it isn't just some macho posturing, but rather one of the things women have told me in life about how to attract them that is actually true, and has proven so many times IME. My good friend's wife is always repeating, "to get a woman you must always be letting her know that you want her," and she isn't talking about wanting them on the bar trivia team. She is 100% correct.

[Negative Nancy]

I think the key is in point #3 at the end. Many women are harassed, starting at an early age. That can be frightening to a young girl, because you never know which guy is "merely" harassing you from the street and which guy will make that physical harassment.

 

So girls quickly learn to associate blatant sexual approaches with "creeps". It's not a stretch, then, to eventually look at any unwanted attention from men as creepy.

 

this hits the nail on the head, and since men never have to deal with that amount of unwanted attention from women (even though they probably wish ) and since they can't imagine what it's like to be part of the sex that could be physically overpowered by 50 % of the population at any time, thus NEEDING to be on constant "alert", I will use this example:

 

say you're walking down the street alone late at night and a very large, much more powerful than you, creepy gay guy (or a group of them) starts yelling compliments at you and telling you what they'd like to do you. Now imagine that happened quite often, imagine you're at a bar and the big gay dude tries picking you up and slaps your ass. imagine THIS is your reality for most of your life. In that type of circumstance you're going to be uncomfortable being checked out even when it's non- threatening. 99 % of the time, when men are checked out they are not at the bottom of a power dynamic. a lot of the time for women, they are.

[Negative Nancy]

BTW, the "being led" part, it isn't just some macho posturing, but rather one of the things women have told me in life about how to attract them that is actually true, and has proven so many times IME. My good friend's wife is always repeating, "to get a woman you must always be letting her know that you want her," and she isn't talking about wanting them on the bar trivia team. She is 100% correct.

 

the emphasis being on "HER", meaning "specifically her". if a woman senses that ANY woman would do it for you, in other words, that you're just desperate and she was just there at the right time and place, that she's nothing special to you, then "wanting her" won't help much "getting" her either.

 

This is a very important key distinction that many men don't understand.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Not good! I only identified nine criminals, including two rapists.

 

Oh darn PlumPrincess . Then its a good idea for you to play it safe.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Dasein

Don't get ridiculous with me and I won't get ridiculous with you.

 

You lost me with this. Here you are in a thread thats basically about treating someone with respect while expressing your desires and respecting theirs and you can't even do it in this thread toward me.

[ThsAmericanLife]

For chrissakes did you even read the comment? the "unisex" part? It was ridiculous and I answered in kind.

 

I keep thinking there is a sense of humor deeeeeep deeeeeep down in there...

 

Is there ever a day you don't take yourself so seriously? No need to answer... just sayin'.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have a story of a creepy man.

 

I was on the north side of Chicago at a Starbucks just before a Transgender community event. No one approached me there, I ordered my coffe drank it and left. When I got to the event the man followed me four city blocks, which I drove (So he had made note of my car). He came in and came on really strong and in appropriately. I told politely let him down. Then sat next to a muscular transman. Short but they get to use steroids legally.

 

This man is creepy because he followed me and put his hands where they don't belong.

 

The little things like a less than hot ripped tanned and toned guy hitting on you are not creepy.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Yeah, its one of those unspoken truths and one key reason why confidence means so much to women. But leadership isn’t handed over freely, it must be earned. And more importantly, leadership is about understanding who or what is best for any given situation. Its not a ‘my way or the highway’ type dynamic that usually, the weak, seem to assume it is.

 

Loved it enough to bring him down to size because you, um, um, got bugged by, I mean really loved it.

 

As for the term creep. This term isn't limited to just the dating scene. It can be any situation where a woman feels spooked or uncomfortable by the physical presence of a male.

 

 

.

 

to each his/her own. If it is important to you to be seen as the 'leader' then good for you.

 

As for me... I don't recall calling anyone a creep. Then again, I think I can count on one hand the number of times I've called anyone a name. Just so unproductive.

 

I do find some of this chest pounding and generalizations to be hilarious!! Me Tarzan!! You Jane!! (oops, I mean you Tarzan, me Jane).

 

 

Johnny Weismuller back in the day...

 

 

Although, George of the Jungle is my personal favorite. He's got not one, but TWO ladies.

[dasein]

the emphasis being on "HER", meaning "specifically her". if a woman senses that ANY woman would do it for you, in other words, that you're just desperate and she was just there at the right time and place, that she's nothing special to you, then "wanting her" won't help much "getting" her either.

 

This is a very important key distinction that many men don't understand.

 

You and I are talking about two different things.

 

I was talking about wanting her sexually, being driven to distraction by desire, and most mature, experienced women understand they don't have a monopoly on inspiring that in a particular man.

[dasein]

You lost me with this. Here you are in a thread thats basically about treating someone with respect while expressing your desires and respecting theirs and you can't even do it in this thread toward me.

 

Oh BS, I made a statement about equality and how women who want to be treated as equals don't expect some magic bubble around their sexuality. You responded with "so you expect everyone to be unisex." That is such a distortion of my words that it is in fact ridiculous, and if you equate that to disrespecting you, you are being unreasonable.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You're a bully Dasein.

 

I want to be treated like an equal. But I also don't have sex easily with any man. And I don't want to be overtly presured to have sex just because he wants it. And I still want a man who will treat me like a girl. Not a male friend he wants to bang. I want a man that will open a door for me and do kind things for me. LS men seem to think that because women want to be equals that we can't have anything old fashioned and nice done for us romantically.

Edited November 19, 2011 by Disenchantedly Yours

[dasein]

I do find some of this chest pounding and generalizations to be hilarious!! Me Tarzan!! You Jane!! (oops, I mean you Tarzan, me Jane).

 

Some questions, when you are dancing, do you prefer to lead the man or vice versa?

 

When you are having sex, do you prefer the man to lay there passively while you ride him, or take control of the situation and lead you both to climax?

 

When a man asks you out, do you prefer him to have a definite plan, or to respond to your inquiries about what you will be doing with, "doesn't matter to me, what do you want to do?"

 

Do you prefer a man who plainly states his physical desires and intentions to you? or one who tries to "befriend" you then work his way into your bed that way?

 

When you are in an unforeseen situation with a man that requires a fast response, do you prefer he take the reins and make a decision, or sit and wait to see if it will all just "go away?"

 

You meet two men, equally attractive and well endowed with whatever traits you find attractive. One is more assertive about having a plan to get what he wants from life, the other is more passive and has no plan, just floating through life. Which do you choose?

[dasein]

You're a bully Dasein.

 

I want to be treated like an equal. But I also don't have sex easily with any man. And I don't want to be overtly presured to have sex just because he wants it. And I still want a man who will treat me like a girl. Not a male friend he wants to bang. I want a man that will open a door for me and do kind things for me. LS men seem to think that because women want to be equals that we can't have anything old fashioned and nice done for us romantically.

 

And thankfully, were you and I to meet, your eggshell attitude would shine right through allowing us both to move onto greener pastures.

 

Asking a woman to have sex does not automatically entail pressure, nor does it mean the man is not treating the woman as a female. Can you not see that some of the contorted extrapolations you reach are not reasonable conclusions?

 

If you do find a guy who will suck up and treat you like a perfect little princess, he will end up boring you to death and you will crave a man like me. I know this because I used to be that former kind of guy and the results weren't pretty.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Asking a woman to have sex does not automatically entail pressure...

 

Often it does since men press for sex sometimes before you want to give it. Instead of taking the time to get to know me.

 

..nor does it mean the man is not treating the woman as a female.

 

That's not what I said.

 

Can you not see that some of the contorted extrapolations you reach are not reasonable conclusions?

 

Another condesending response.

 

If you do find a guy who will suck up and treat you like a perfect little princess, he will end up boring you to death and you will crave a man like me. I know this because I used to be that former kind of guy and the results weren't pretty.

 

I don't want to be treated like a perfect little princess and I don't want to treated with the condesension you have expressed toward me in this thread. I require a more balanced man.

[Taramere]

Let me say that I certainly don't think most men are criminals or are creepy. And I don't agree with the use of the word. There is a reason why women error on the side of wanting to be safe. Here is an interesting article from Pyschology Today. Try the test at the bottom of the article. I got most of the answers right (even for the men that committed acts of rape) , but there were a few I got wrong. Take the test and let us know how you did!

 

 

Criminals Look Different From Non Criminals

 

What a delightful way to end a pleasant Saturday night.

 

Okay. I looked for my gut to tell me "on a short fuse" (and could therefore commit a crime in a fit of anger) "psychopathic looking" or "general losers" who would probably just fall into problems in life. All of them looked a bit dodgy to be honest, but those mugshot style photos always do..so I tried to pick out roughly half who I thought looked the dodgiest.

 

Here are my results. A couple had the starry eyed look of conmen...which I associate with strong narcissism bordering on psychopathy.

 

Number guessed wrongly as criminals -2 (both in the "short fuse" category).

 

Number guessed correctly as criminals - 13

 

Number of rapists - 100% correct, all in "psychopath" group

 

Number of drug dealers - 75% correct. Two losers, one one short fuse/borderline psycho (/ indicates that my gut is uncertain about the psycho part).

 

Number of arsonists - 75% correct. Two psychos, one starry eyed narcissist/psycho (gut uncertain)

 

Number convicted of assault - 75% correct. One angry bastard of a psycho, one short fuse and one starry eyed narcissist/psycho (gut uncertain).

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Damn Taramere, you did better than I did. Good job.

[Taramere]

Damn Taramere, you did better than I did. Good job.

 

Thanks DY. I think a lot of it has to do with professional experiences. You do learn to trust your gut. Also I went through a phase of being strongly interested in the psychology of psychopathy. Mainly because I encountered some through work. It's hard to explain, but there's a kind of "deadness" or "false light" about the eyes. Narcissism I associate with a "pretty boy starry eyed look".

 

I think one of the difficulties is to really listen to your gut. Sometimes things you learn about not prejudging can get in the way. And obviously if you were sitting on a jury, you would have to focus on the facts rather than be swayed by your gut.

 

The need to be fair and factual can pull people away from listening to their guts...but when it comes to the matter of your personal safety and the safety of others you care about, I think you have to put to one side the matter of being fair to "the accused" and listen 100% to your gut. So that's the zone I put myself into when I was looking at those faces.

[ThsAmericanLife]

Some questions, when you are dancing, do you prefer to lead the man or vice versa?

 

When you are having sex, do you prefer the man to lay there passively while you ride him, or take control of the situation and lead you both to climax?

 

When a man asks you out, do you prefer him to have a definite plan, or to respond to your inquiries about what you will be doing with, "doesn't matter to me, what do you want to do?"

 

Do you prefer a man who plainly states his physical desires and intentions to you? or one who tries to "befriend" you then work his way into your bed that way?

 

When you are in an unforeseen situation with a man that requires a fast response, do you prefer he take the reins and make a decision, or sit and wait to see if it will all just "go away?"

 

You meet two men, equally attractive and well endowed with whatever traits you find attractive. One is more assertive about having a plan to get what he wants from life, the other is more passive and has no plan, just floating through life. Which do you choose?

 

Oh... this is fun!! I'll play!!

 

1) Damn, I've never done well with the guy leading when dancing. I really suck at it. Have tried, and I usually kinda end up doing my own thing. Not intentionally. Just happens. I realize those are the 'rules' for ballroom dancing though, so I try to play along. I don't take it as some manipulative scheme to keep me down (ha ha).

 

Ballet is a different story. Definately alot different than ballroom dancing.

 

2) I prefer that neither is passive. I'm not passive and neither is he. More fun that way.

 

3) I like talking about what we both enjoy doing and deciding together. I enjoy learning new things and going new places, and expect he does too.

 

4) There is no one-size-fits-all for me. Every significant relationship I've had has been completely different and started in different ways. I enjoy the process of creating intimacy... in whatever fashion it comes along.

 

5) I like someone who can survey a situation and do his part... not my part. His part. We're a team. I don't need him to decide for me.

 

6) My friends (of either gender) and lovers are all passionate about whatever they do. They make the most interesting companions. It isn't designated to romantic options.

[ThsAmericanLife]

What a delightful way to end a pleasant Saturday night.

 

Okay. I looked for my gut to tell me "on a short fuse" (and could therefore commit a crime in a fit of anger) "psychopathic looking" or "general losers" who would probably just fall into problems in life. All of them looked a bit dodgy to be honest, but those mugshot style photos always do..so I tried to pick out roughly half who I thought looked the dodgiest.

 

Here are my results. A couple had the starry eyed look of conmen...which I associate with strong narcissism bordering on psychopathy.

 

Number guessed wrongly as criminals -2 (both in the "short fuse" category).

 

Number guessed correctly as criminals - 13

 

Number of rapists - 100% correct, all in "psychopath" group

 

Number of drug dealers - 75% correct. Two losers, one one short fuse/borderline psycho (/ indicates that my gut is uncertain about the psycho part).

 

Number of arsonists - 75% correct. Two psychos, one starry eyed narcissist/psycho (gut uncertain)

 

Number convicted of assault - 75% correct. One angry bastard of a psycho, one short fuse and one starry eyed narcissist/psycho (gut uncertain).

 

Good job!! That's very cool...

 

Mine wasn't bad. 12 out of 16. Pegged 75% of the rapists and 100% of the assault.

 

Not as well on the arsonists and drug dealers. Interesting that I was able to peg the violent ones....

 

I'm actually eerily good at detecting liars and anger in real life... even when people are trying to hide their anger. This reminds me of a TV show called "Lie to Me" that I used to LOVE. I'd go over to my friend's house to watch it. I was like the hispanic woman. Can spot 'em from a mile away.

 

I don't always follow my gut on those...but I'm definately learning.