OriginalPenguin Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I recently called off a relationship that was on and off for about a year. We had a lot of insecurity issues from both sides. In the end I just could not take it anymore. My therapist has gently pointed out our codependancy symptoms. And I went and proved the point when I said that I am to blame too and just want her to be happy. So, it's only been a few hours. And already I am dreading the night, the morning. It's so hard to have a part of your life ripped away so abruptly. I think I have been doing the right things like getting pictures and whatnot out of sight, am not creeping Facebook or anything like that, trying to distract myself. Am trying to be strong, she didn't take it very well and is very angry; I am being insulted and drug through the mud even though I made it as peaceful as i possibly could and I am not participating in any mud slinging.
ChelseaLS Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I recently called off a relationship that was on and off for about a year. We had a lot of insecurity issues from both sides. In the end I just could not take it anymore. My therapist has gently pointed out our codependancy symptoms. And I went and proved the point when I said that I am to blame too and just want her to be happy. So, it's only been a few hours. And already I am dreading the night, the morning. It's so hard to have a part of your life ripped away so abruptly. I think I have been doing the right things like getting pictures and whatnot out of sight, am not creeping Facebook or anything like that, trying to distract myself. Am trying to be strong, she didn't take it very well and is very angry; I am being insulted and drug through the mud even though I made it as peaceful as i possibly could and I am not participating in any mud slinging. I won't lie, from my experience mornings are the worst... it's like you are expecting to wake up and it be a bad dream, but alas.. it's not. She is hurt and the reason for all the anger... which is one of the fun roller coaster phases of a break up. Good job on not retaliating. Once my ex and I broke up and I moved out, I packed away all the photos of us and things that reminded me of us. I haven't throw in out but it's out of sight for now. I also got myself a calendar and started crossing out each day that passes since the break up. I started that 42 days ago... most days now I forget to cross off the day at day end . It will get better.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 I won't lie, from my experience mornings are the worst... it's like you are expecting to wake up and it be a bad dream, but alas.. it's not. She is hurt and the reason for all the anger... which is one of the fun roller coaster phases of a break up. Good job on not retaliating. Once my ex and I broke up and I moved out, I packed away all the photos of us and things that reminded me of us. I haven't throw in out but it's out of sight for now. I also got myself a calendar and started crossing out each day that passes since the break up. I started that 42 days ago... most days now I forget to cross off the day at day end . It will get better. Thanks for that. It's been a rocky time so far, she is very, very angry. I have her number blacklisted on my phone but that doesn't stop me from seeing anything, it just hides it until I look at it. And I am too weak to not look. I am not responding to anything but it still really hurts, some of these things are along the lines of how she cant wait to get out and get F***** by somebody else.
mike588 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Thanks for that. It's been a rocky time so far, she is very, very angry. I have her number blacklisted on my phone but that doesn't stop me from seeing anything, it just hides it until I look at it. And I am too weak to not look. I am not responding to anything but it still really hurts, some of these things are along the lines of how she cant wait to get out and get F***** by somebody else. Yes mornings are the worst! I think her saying that she can't wait to get out and get Fu*ked by somebody else is just her anger and wants to get a response from you. Alot of us here have asked if a dumper feels bad after a breakup,heres proof that they do or at least some do.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 (edited) Yes mornings are the worst! I think her saying that she can't wait to get out and get Fu*ked by somebody else is just her anger and wants to get a response from you. Alot of us here have asked if a dumper feels bad after a breakup,heres proof that they do or at least some do. Do I feel bad as the dumper? Good lord yes, I do not hate this woman. I loved her intensely and believe that she loved me but our own baggage (yes mine too) got in the way to the point that we could not go one week without some earth shattering issue. I was suffering so much mentally and even physically because my stomache was constantly in knots. It was the last thing on earth I wanted but in the end I have to think of myself, and myself was (is) in such poor condition that I got to the point where I asked "Am I happy?" Hell yes I feel bad. This is one of the worst feelings I can think of. As much as a I try to distract myself and be strong I am always on the verge of breaking down. I should have known better; the very first thing she said after my calm and anything-but-inflammatory breakup to her was "I dont want to hear from you ever ever again and I mean it" Yet she is text bombing me. At first I ignored it but all I did was say thank you about the things being dropped off which I now realize was a mistake because now I can expect a lot more of this garbage. Probably blow by blow descriptions of the first meat head that picks her up Edited November 19, 2011 by OriginalPenguin
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I will agree with Mike, her texts about going out ****ing someone and to never talk to her again, yadda, yadda, yadda... those are all out of hurt and anger. She is hurt and knee jerking and trying to make you hurt (she probably doesn't believe you truly are, as most dumpee's struggle believing that). Just keep reminding yourself you did this out of love for her and yourself. It was toxic. Did you guys ever contemplate the idea of counselling, before the break up?
Author OriginalPenguin Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 I will agree with Mike, her texts about going out ****ing someone and to never talk to her again, yadda, yadda, yadda... those are all out of hurt and anger. She is hurt and knee jerking and trying to make you hurt (she probably doesn't believe you truly are, as most dumpee's struggle believing that). You are on to something, I think she truly wants to believe that I am cold hearted, never loved her, used her and am just having the time of my life right now without her. Nothing could be further from the truth. Something tells me that even if I offered that honest truth (again) she would just snap back angrily anyway. So what is also hurting me is this feeling of no closure because she really just does not want to accept the fact that I do not hate her and have never wanted to hurt her, miss her terribly already but have come to the sad truth that we just cannot go on together.
ChelseaLS Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Unfortunately it may take a LONG time for her to accept it and even then she may still be very mad. We can't force people. You will have to find a way to get closure another way... and again if I was you I would remind myself that you did this for the betterment of you both.
Author OriginalPenguin Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 Unfortunately it may take a LONG time for her to accept it and even then she may still be very mad. We can't force people. You will have to find a way to get closure another way... and again if I was you I would remind myself that you did this for the betterment of you both. Thank you. You seem to have a very good grasp on this and are saying things that I need to hear, I really appreciate it. I have a long, hard road ahead of me.
Recommended Posts