liposome Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 [font=arial][/font]i'm hurting so much inside right now. my fiance and i met nearly two years ago when he asked me out. he left the day after our first date for a backpacking trip in southeast asia. i decided to quit my summer job early to met him out there and we had the most wonderful two weeks of my life. we always knew that we were meant to be together and were deeply in love. we quicky got engaged. we were supposed to get married this sunday. he told me four days ago that he wasn't ready. a week and a half ago, things were great - not perfect, but still exceptionally good. then he had something of a breakdown and realized that deep down inside he wasn't ready. he swears he still loves me but just needs his space. he's only 25. i'm 30. i've had to leave our home and cope with immense feelings of pain. i don't know what to do. should i be patient and wait? should i take off and do something crazy? i've given up on trying to convince him how good we have it. i suspect the more he goes down this path the more he's going to conclude that we were incompatble. it's breaking me apart. i'm supposed to be studying for the bar exam right now. but i can't think about anything else. anyone have any words of advice for me?
magda Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 You have your whole life! You don't need to rush marraige with this guy.. What were his reasons for not being ready, anything in particular?
HokeyReligions Posted May 24, 2004 Posted May 24, 2004 You cannot predict the future. What you can do is focus on your bar exam. Tell him that you are still in love with him, but you agree that you want to wait to marry until you are both sure. Tell him that you are not ready to totally end the relationship right now and that you would like to slow down a bit but stay together. If he is agreeable to that, then you can start making some short-term plans and get back to dating. Perhaps even some counseling for you or for the two of you together. Accept that he needs some space right now. You don't have to try to convince yourself that this is the end. It may or may not be. If he wants to totally break it off, then let him go. I'll bet that he will contact you again after he's had some time to process everything. Use your upcoming exam to focus your energy. Every time you feel your thoughts slipping away from your studies tell yourself to focus--step on your own foot if you have to, in order to redirect your mind back to your studies. Your world had not ended, it just took a sharp turn and you are not sure you have all four wheels under you yet.
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