forloveofgosh Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 So to recap: I was in a summer romance. She was the first real love of my life. We continue it with a LDR after that. You know this was my first real love, so I couldn't help but be hurt. We went to a summer program for a month and a half, and during the last three weeks I and her practically spent most of the time together. We always slept next to each other. After that, for a month, we skyped each other every night. Now everything between us faded. She doesn't love me anymore. This is two months ago. And I'm MAD. This is silly. Our relationship only lasted about 2 months and now I'm spending that time grieving over it???? I guess it is because I love her physicals (please see the thread here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3731832#post3731832 ). But this is crazy. I can't stand it. I miss her. I want to call her. I want to send her texts, emails, whatever. I'm going to see her next month too. Here is the email I'm contemplating sending her. Please tell me which part I need to fix, and please provide your reaction upon reading the letter: Mary, You haven’t received an email from me in a while, and I know you don’t expect to. I know your feelings are not the same as two months ago, but I have never been able to recover from you. You implied that I put a lot of commitment in this, which is easy to understand that would scare you off. I’m from a different culture, as I’ve told you, so I wouldn’t have known that. Still, it is hard for me to imagine that somebody would so cold after being so warm with each other during the (summer program). I wonder if all the memories with our six weeks together, nights sleeping on the porch next to each other, everynight for six weeks, and skype nights a month after mean anything to you. I have told you, but I’m going to repeat again: I can never hate/ dislike a person from (the summer program); it was the best experience I have had in life; thus it means a lot to me. And you’re no exception. I don’t want anymore person to leave my world; please don’t be that one. I can’t let our memories go that easily… You know, during our Skypes, I was frustrated not being there with you. I wanted to get more attention from you, and so sometimes I appeared grumpy. I know I should have taken things slower, and after this relationship I have learned a lot about the culture. I think I know how to treat you right this time. I deleted your facebook after the trip (from a month ago) because the memories there were so painful, and I wanted to get over you. If you know how hard it was seeing you so close but so far from me. I’d always wanted to talk with you, but there you wouldn’t want to, and when you put distance between us, it really hurt. But the facebook incident didn’t help. I tried to hold back from texting you, but it didn’t help either. Still, I don’t want us to be strangers, or to be just friends. Hope you understand. I miss you. And I don’t care whether it comes off as weak. I’m done with playing mind games. I’m unwilling to let you go. Could I have just another chance? I promise I will do it right this time, and won’t let you down anymore. I will take things more slowly, and will never make you sad. I know you might not reply to this email, or even tell me to stop contacting you. But please remember how close we were, and how hard I’ve been trying to make this work. Thank you. I also plan to call her this weekend to tell her my thought. Even though she's going to ignore my phone call, or making excuse to not talk with me, I'm still going to try. I'm tired and despondent. I need a closure, maybe? I can't sleep or eat right anymore. My life is just a pit that I'm falling into. I have no interest in life anymore. I also think of going out to meet other girls, but you know, I doubt I'll get a girl her caliber. It'd be extremely hard for me to form another emotional connection with someone else. I'm so lonely. I need a girl. I prayed to God for two months, and so far I haven't seen anything changed. She won't come back with me. This year has been my most unproductive year because of this. In the morning, when I wake up, my mind just shifts back to her, imagining she with someone else. If she lets anyone else touch her, it'll break my heart. I'm crying inside. I'm so upset. I don't want to, like some people on this forum, be trapped in this state for 6 months, a year, or many years. Oh my gosh, I'm so down and depressed. I've talked to a therapist, and she's not of much help either. My family doesn't know about this, but some of my friends, and even some mutual friends do. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have wrecked my frame with them. Now I'm a loser, and a wimp in their eyes. FML. *Sorry for the long post. I need to vent somehow. I hope you understand.
Author forloveofgosh Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Come on guys, I'm really upset...
Von Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I know you put alot of emotion and thought into that email, but it isnt going to get you anywhere. Emails dont make peoPle want to come back. They decide that on their own. The best thing to do when someone leaves is to let them go. There are several guide threads on here you should read. "a guide to letting go" and all the stuff on NC. As far as the email, it sounds like begging and trying to sell yourself. You dont want to portray weakness. Begging just makes them run. Its obviously written from a place of hurt and negative emotions, none of which helps. Had you written it from happiness and forgiveness it would sound way different. Think about that. And dont send it
Author forloveofgosh Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 I can compose a better version if you want to see. And do you think that if I havent slept with her yet, I wasnt in a relationship with her?
ChelseaLS Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I will agree. Don't send it. I know you say in your e-mail you don't care if you sound weak, but really sounding weak will just push her away. You can't force her back to you. As for your other question about not sleeping with her yet... a relationship is not based soley on sex.
snug.bunny Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I don't understand how you "let her down" and what you are trying to "do right by" in order to get a "second chance". From how you describe it, it sounds like you DID do right (spending time with each other, being committed to each other and the relationship). Unless you pressured her/forced her to spend time with you, or pressured her into a relationship if after she said no, nothing you've done warrants what appears to be an apology letter. So, the only thing you'd be apologizing for, is for being overly zelous and you want to stay clear of that because you're choosing to carry all the weight and responsibility on your shoulders. She told you, you were "too committed" to her and the relationship. If that's how she felt, then, sending that email would just reaffirm that so why would you send it to someone who felt you were "too committed" to begin with? I'm assuming though that at some point, she gave some kind of indication/confirmation that she was interested in you romantically and that it wasn't all one sided, that you didn't misconstrue the time together for something other then a platonic friendship.
Author forloveofgosh Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 She agreed to be in an LDR. But I sensed she didn't feel as strongly I as did to her. Anyway, I don't know if I'm going to meet somebody new in the near future. It's driving me crazy and I'm tired as hell
ChelseaLS Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 She agreed to be in an LDR. But I sensed she didn't feel as strongly I as did to her. Anyway, I don't know if I'm going to meet somebody new in the near future. It's driving me crazy and I'm tired as hell I don't want to sound rude, but you sound very needy... Like you NEED to be in a relationship. Best things happen when you least expect them too.
Author forloveofgosh Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 You're right. I'm needy. I need somebody to make me feel happy. I can't stand being lonely, anymore.
ChelseaLS Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 You're right. I'm needy. I need somebody to make me feel happy. I can't stand being lonely, anymore. I hate to say it, but that is a highly unattractive quality. I think you would be better off working on yourself.. loving yourself, growing and learning to be okay alone. Once you do that, you'll become more attractive to the opposit sex.
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