berry01 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I've had issues with my boyfriend recently about him speaking to other women, specifically his ex-girlfriend. I finally had the courage to stand up for myself and tell him either he stops speaking to other women or I leave. He promised to stop speaking to them and said he wanted for me to be less controlling of him. Things have been great for a few days until yesterday when we were on the phone and he abruptly hung up after I asked where he was. I followed this up by getting upset and accusing him of lying to me about his whereabouts. 30 minutes later he called to say he was at the pharmacy and because he didn't want to fight with me over the phone he hung up. Wouldn't it have been simpler if he had just told me where he was? He then followed up this mini argument by repeating over and over that he doesn't want to be together. He does this every time we have even the smallest of fights. I just can't understand why he always wants to bolt when things get slightly rough. It just makes no sense to me why someone would react in this way. Every time he does this, my reaction is always the same, I plead with him and tell him how much I love him and don't want to lose him or the relationship. It's getting sort of borderline pathetic. I'm always begging and I find myself apologizing for things that were never my fault in the first place. He always turns the point of argument on me and says it was my fault that it had happened and then he follows up by saying "it's over". Every time, like clockwork. How can I break this cycle? I just want to deal with my relationship like normal people do, they fight they make up, they learn, they grow stronger. I really love him and am in it for the long haul but I just don't know how to deal with him always wanting to bolt! (We've been together for 3 years, it's been like this for the past year)
Zabs Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Take a step back...tell him..he is right and that you were being selfish in wanting to continue the relationship when it is clear he doesn't want that. If you really want him...wait... From his reaction and what action he takes next, this will give you a clearer picture of what's going on. I know this...we are a long time in our box;) Much love, Zabs xx
BrokenFool Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Take it from me similar story to yours Example - My ex driving back home from a mates at 1am and her phone goes dead , i ring it back answering machine, try for the next 40 mins same thing, texts me when shes home, im obviously annoyed that she answered somebody elses call but dont say anything - dumped for getting annoyed Difference - mine was like this bar the first month for nearly 3 years my advice to you - he doesnt love you and hence does not care about your feelings - either do something now or brace yourself for heartbreak sooner or later
w0nderwoman Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Broken Fool is right. You need to fix your relationship fast. You really don't give us enough information to get a personal response. Maybe this issue comes up because the lack of communication between you and your boyfriend. Or may be it is because you try to control him too much. Either way, if you don't want to lose him, You need to address and fix this fast.
Author berry01 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 I think what him and I need right now is space. But even with space, I'm not sure how to regain security in the relationship. My boyfriend is at the point of feeling that I will never change. He's expressed to me today in the form of emails that he believes I've made many false promises about not questioning him, trusting him, etc and because of all those false promises he's hurt and thinks I won't change and the relationship will just continue in a standstill. That's why he wants out, because he doesn't see change anytime soon. What I can't seem to get him to understand is that 99% of the time my reactions are directly in response to his actions. I believe that it's normal for any woman or man to react to a SO or friends or parents actions when they've been hurt. It's not healthy to sweep your feelings and reactions under the rug and have no reaction all together. After all, we are all humans with beating hearts and emotions. Perhaps a change I can offer is feeling more secure in the relationship and curtailing my interrogating questions towards him which I am sensing definitely make him feel strangled. I'm not even sure if he will buy it at this point. He doesn't seem to want to hear anything from me so I am trying to keep busy and motivated and stay away from my phone so I don't message or call him. It's difficult but at this point I think distancing myself is the only thing that will bring some clarity.
stillafool Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 It sounds like he has already broken up with you. Give him space and go NC until he calls you. You have tried begging and pleading before and that doesn't seem to be working. It's time to try something different and that is strictly NC.
Author berry01 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 Yes, your definitely right. Of course, much easier said than done but I am sticking to it and hoping I don't break.
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