Feelsgoodman Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 He probably thought you were just another groupie and I'm sure he's slept with plenty. If you had a really good conversation, you should have flirted and then not allowed him to do more than a quick kiss, saying, "I really enjoyed our date. I had no idea you were so intelligent and interesting. We should do this again sometime!" At the very least, you'd have gotten a second date. Actually...no, she wouldn't have. This guy was just interested in a one night stand. This is something most women don't understand. Guys don't walk into situations like this thinking "I just want to sleep with this girl" and walk out thinking "hmmm...she didn't put out...I guess I'll have a relationship with her now". If a guy is truly interested in you, there is no such thing as sleeping with him too soon. And if he's not interested, he'd be gone even if you don't put out. The OP should look at the bright side. She spent a pleasant evening with an attractive young man who would normally be out of her league. Not the worst thing in the world.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 No rain check, no specifics on why he's busy. Granted, he's being ambiguous there at the very least. If, after several days of not calling you, a guy replies to your text with "kinda busy but we'll see..." or "perhaps another time hun", there is no ambiguity whatsoever. There will not be another time.
Nexus One Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Guys don't walk into situations like this thinking "I just want to sleep with this girl" and walk out thinking "hmmm...she didn't put out...I guess I'll have a relationship with her now". If a guy is truly interested in you, there is no such thing as sleeping with him too soon. And if he's not interested, he'd be gone even if you don't put out. Then you're implying women might just as well put out on the first date. I disagree, if a woman is looking for a relationship, then waiting will weed out at least the guys who are only looking for a quick f*ck.
dasein Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Wouldn't look at it as your messing up other than the no protection part. You had some sex from a person you found attractive. Sounds like a fun time.
chelle21689 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I guess I got to agree with others that just prepare for the worst and hope for the best but don't get your hopes up. Try to appear confident and not all sad and insecure in front of him or his people. Try to blend in...who knows maybe you'll get something out from hanging with him lol
forms Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 In our first date, we talked for hours and liked each other. Then we had sex. For a few days, there was no text or chat message from him. I was waiting, thinking about him every moment. Finally I texted him and asked him out again. After few hours, he texted back "Er very busy this week, but maybe... We'll see" You are very naive. You knew him for a few hours, had unprotected sex with him that spooked him a little because you weren't on birth control. He went on his way. He never thought about your again. If he did, it was, "I hope she's not pregnant." He does not believe you 'aren't like that'. You showed him you ARE like that. I doubt it's a big deal because probably most women he meets are like that. You have stars in your eyes. You think he's 'perfect'; you've never met anyone so perfect. He's not perfect. He might not be a creep or a douchebag, but he's also not perfect. You are bedazzled by superficial externals and have persuaded yourself that it was deeper and more meaningful because you'd 'talked' before the first date sex. You know very little about him. It's sad that after he brushed you off with a busy, maybe some other time, you still thought there was a chance you might have an option for another date. Most of us here reading that knew he was done with you. It was pretty clear when he didn't call or text after the sex, he had no interest, but when he brushed you off, that was that. What is a little sad is that even after he ignored you after your 'date', even after he brushed you off, you were wondering if you should continue. I was reading through this thread asking myself: "What makes her think she even has that option?" You made a lot of mistakes. One was to allow yourself to be seduced by his face, looks, and fortune. He's clearly a nice guy. After all, he did respond to your texts when he could have just ignored them. But the world is full of nice guys and you have made it clear you don't sleep with them on the first date. The difference is this a glamorous nice guy and you lost perspective. Another mistake was not to use protection. Not just for health reasons and pregnancy reasons (although I winced when you so carelessly promised to abort if you accidentally got pregnant, and I'm pro-choice, but it seemed really callous to me, especially for a 'nice' girl), but because it's contrary to your goals of pursuing him. He doesn't want to get pregnant with you; he assumed until it was too late that you were on birth control; now for the next however long, he has to wonder if you're pregnant. He doesn't want to be pregnant with you. In a way, you made yourself 'dangerous' to him. He's going to stay away from you, because you can't be trusted to sensibly be on birth control with you are sleeping with strange men. And also because he knows you are infatuated with him (yes, he knows you are dazzled by his fame, money and looks and that you didn't take the time to REALLY know him), and may just want to have his baby to make yourself special, if not to get the money. And rich, famous, good looking men are aware that there are women who purposefully seek out celebrities in order to get pregnant. He had you pegged for a groupie; you made yourself look like an entrapper. He's not going to mess with you again, you don't play by the "groupie rules" which include birth control. (Granted if he wants not to father children with strangers, he can put on a condom--but you are both idiots about this). Next after not hearing from him, you contacted him and didn't wait for him to contact you. I believe had you never contacted him, you never would have heard from him again. You, and if he's what you say he is, dozens/hundreds of other women are pursuing him. This is boring for him. How many texts do you think he gets from friendly women who just want to show him they care? Yours is just one more. I know you think you made a sincere connection through talking, but what woman wouldn't spend a few hours talking to a celebrity before having sex with him? I bet sincere conversations with women are as easy for him to come by as sex. After sex, a woman should always wait for a man to contact her. Before sex it doesn't matter. After he contacts her after sex, it doesn't matter. But after sex the first contact should be made by the man. Women choose whether or not a couple will have sex; men choose whether or not a couple will have a relationship. A man knows within a few hours, if not immediately after the glow of sex has worn off whether she's a ONS, a booty call or relationship material. A woman has to accept the decision (well, she doesn't have to accept being a booty call). If he decides she's just ONS material, there's nothing she can do about it, except maybe MAYBE upgrade to booty call material. How long it takes before he contacts you, and how he contacts you, and what he says when contacts you will tell you more than anything just what category he's put you in. Next mistake was to contact him AGAIN. He pretty much said, don't call me, I'll call you. And you called him again. Do you think that in the time period between the night you had sex with him and he gave you the second brush off, he hadn't had any sex or any 'sincere' conversations with other women? He has options. The next time he felt the urge for sex, he did NOT choose you. He moved on. And you're sitting at home mooning over him, dreaming of a future with him, wondering if you should continue forcing the issue and ask him out yet again, blind to the writing on the wall. It's not a crime to be naive; but it is painful. I'm sure you will learn a lot from this. I'm sorry it had to hurt.
OliveOyl Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Then you're implying women might just as well put out on the first date. I disagree, if a woman is looking for a relationship, then waiting will weed out at least the guys who are only looking for a quick f*ck. I think the point is, the waiting won't change the outcome (despite the fallacy that women can control men's interest in relationships by holding out). But if a woman is inclined to feel guilty and think of herself as a "slut" (a term I would never even consider for myself, even if I did have a ONS), then yes, she should hold off sleeping on the first date. As well it delays the sex-fog-attachment that happens to women more so than men.
stillafool Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I don't know if this is part of why he's brushing me off now. But we talked for hours before having sex, it's enough for anyone to realize that I'm well educated, love my career... and not likely that kind of gold digger, baby popper type. Just because you are educated and love your career does not mean you aren't a slut. Not saying that you are but that really has nothing to do with it. Some of the biggest (cough) ho's I know are educated and career minded. Just because he is handsome and rich does not mean he doesn't have some STD. You really should have protected yourself. Get tested anyway and try not to make this mistake again.
Wolf18 Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I bet mammamia made some poor sap before this one wait a month and spend hundreds of dollars courting her before she even gave him a handjob. Enter rich famous hunk that she's never met, the panties drop in a matter of hours and she doesn't even make him wear a johnny This is why guys shouldn't bother courting women anymore, there's always going to be a guy getting it without even trying (with the same woman) and then the nerds and beta males are going to be stuck raising the other guys kid or catching his clap.
Feelsgoodman Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Then you're implying women might just as well put out on the first date. I disagree, if a woman is looking for a relationship, then waiting will weed out at least the guys who are only looking for a quick f*ck. Sure, not putting out will help you weed out guys who only want sex. But it won't help you convert a guy who does not want a relationship with you. This may sound shocking, but based on my experience, some women like sex too. Many women also don't mind one night stands either (although some won't admit it because of the associated stigma). Worrying about whether a guy wants a long term relationship is counter-productive. If you are attracted to him and want to have sex, go ahead and do it. If he wants a relationship, it won't hurt your chances. If he doesn't want a relations, hey, at least you had a good time. Isn't that how "sexual liberation" is supposed to work?
Anela Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Update: now he says he's totally busy this weekend. "maybe next time hun". I saw him on chat but he didn't start conversation with me. Very sad, I honestly like him a lot, but I guess it's time to give up... Is there anyone think I should ask him out again next week? @Eeyore79: you clearly see the issue!!! No. And he is not perfect in every way - don't think that way.
daphne Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 I sense much anger in you. Lighten up and maybe you'll be able to keep the same name for more than 24 hours. :lmao:
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 If you sleep with a guy on a first date, don't cling to expectations of any kind. It is what it is. He got laid, you got laid- but that's the extent of it.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 19, 2011 Author Posted November 19, 2011 @forms: I can't say enough how much I appreciate your post, those are words of wisdom. @SilverLining: that's exactly what I need - A slap of reality to wake up. Some people are puzzled about why I fell so hard: During our several-hour-conversation, we mostly talked about our families, how we grew up, my work/career plan, next vacation etc. Absolutely no name-dropping or showing off. It made me feel like we're getting to know each other as a person, that this could be start of something... And I realized some of his qualities and liked them... I think this helped build trust. He sounded honest, sane, smart, well he's a great talker too. On top of that was his dazzling 'perfection'. Next thing you know, I was infatuated for days, not understand when he's brushing me off, and neglected the more important thing... "OH, 1 more thing, I had unprotected sex". We all live and learn Update: Today I'm already back on track, happy and healthy. Saw my doctor and scheduled tests. I'll not contact him again and move on. If he likes me as a person, he will contact and do the work. Regardless, I pretty much stopped thinking about him and now focus on other parts of my life. Thanks for all your ideas, this forum has been amazingly helpful.
oaks Posted November 19, 2011 Posted November 19, 2011 Update: Today I'm already back on track, happy and healthy. Saw my doctor and scheduled tests. Don't forget to add "buy condoms" to your shopping list while you're thinking about test results etc. Don't put it off until next time you find a cute guy.
Recommended Posts