mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Him: Tall, handsome, rich, well-educated, works in entertainment industry, surrounded by famous people Me: Short, good looking, well-educated, decent girl. We are both 20ish. In our first date, we talked for hours and liked each other. Then we had sex. I must say I don't normally have sex with someone so fast, and I hadn't dated for months. But I liked him a lot. Another thing is I feel insecure, I'm just a mediocre girl while he has everything... what else I can use to attract him other than sex? I know it's stupid... He, however, may think that I'm a slut. He said sex was great though. He was great in bed and nice. For a few days, there was no text or chat message from him. I was waiting, thinking about him every moment. Finally I texted him and asked him out again. After few hours, he texted back "Er very busy this week, but maybe... We'll see" I know he's free this week. I know he's single and looking. I guess most likely he's dating around other (nicer) girls, but I still have some chance if I try to push for 2nd date. Question: - I'll explain that I like him as a person, that I'm not a slut... Is there chance that he'll take me seriously? - Even if it works, this relationship is gonna hurt me and hard to maintain. Because he's surrounded by great looking people in entertainment industry and I know he'll be famous too. I'm just a normal girl. He said he's a honest normal person and stays away from those crazy people too, and I believe him. Does this worth a try? It's gonna cost me time and more likely to hurt me, should I even start dating him? I've been single for awhile and I have never met someone so perfect. I feel insecure though, I'm not rich or famous or anything.
Dust Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 both 20ish? Does that mean you're both in your twenties? Oh and you already know what to do!
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Yes we are both 20 something years old. He's a bit older than me. I've been thinking about him every moment in the past few days, though we just met once. I never felt this way. I just feel insecure because I'm a normal girl and he's perfect in every way.
Dust Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Yes we are both 20 something years old. He's a bit older than me. I've been thinking about him every moment in the past few days, though we just met once. I never felt this way. I just feel insecure because I'm a normal girl and he's perfect in every way. Well speaking as a normal guy I'll have to say it can be intimidating when a beautiful godess of a girl see's something special in me. The thing is if I reject myself then how would I have any fun? You seem to really want this. When ever you really want anything in life it's scary. Unless you have a real reason to avoid this guy like him being disrespectful or something then just give yourself permision to have fun. By the way if he finds you sexy thats all a guy really needs. It's not like you women who need a guy to have some kind of great story. He should treat you like a princess.
Wolf18 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 All of the reasons that he's "perfect" are really superficial. If you are just an average girl , well, just know what you're getting into. Anything that's too good to be true, usually is.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) Thanks Wolf18 and Dust! Other people - please keep the advice coming please! @Dust: yes he finds me cute and sexy. I regret that I had sex the 1st date though, he may think I'm a slut, but I can explain. Anyone talks to me would know I'm somewhat conservative and not slutty type. He works in entertainment industry and is becoming more and more well known. He's very well educated and said he tries to stay away from that crazy crowd though - that's why I'm attracted. I'm not after money or fame. I'm cute but not supermodel material or anything. Edited November 18, 2011 by mammamia1
itsmewren Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 my advice is to just relax, try not to worry so much, and have fun! that said.. I recently dated a guy who was (in my mind) absolutely perfect in every way and I totally psyched myself out about not being good enough and a lot of other things you mentioned as well. needless to say, it didn't work out people that make you feel super insecure (even if it isn't at all intentional) are usually not as fun to be around as those that make you feel awesome about yourself. but if you had a really good time with him maybe you should hang out again and see how things go? good luck! x
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 For a few days, there was no text or chat message from him. I was waiting, thinking about him every moment. Finally I texted him and asked him out again. After few hours, he texted back "Er very busy this week, but maybe... We'll see" I don't think him being tall, handsome, in the entertainment industry, or any of that stuff is an issue. If you liked each other, I'd tell you to go for it. The issue is that he's given you a really obvious brush off - he didn't contact you, and when you contacted him he made excuses about being busy. No matter who the guy was or where he worked, I'd tell you to stay away from him after such an obvious brush off. Sorry
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Update: now he says he's totally busy this weekend. "maybe next time hun". I saw him on chat but he didn't start conversation with me. Very sad, I honestly like him a lot, but I guess it's time to give up... Is there anyone think I should ask him out again next week? @Eeyore79: you clearly see the issue!!!
smudge21 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 You do need to believe in yourself more - if you don't, no one else will. Plus, despite how you look or act, people can pick up on someone's insecurities - some can prey on this, whereas others feel pity. Either way, it's never a good thing. So get some confidence and self esteem... As for this perfect guy... well I think you're falling for the bodywork rather than what's under the hood. The exterior and the presence can be hard to ignore and people can so easily get swept up when someone is in power, whether that be famous, rich, popular... it doesn't matter. The whole persona and the fact they have other people kissing their a**, and then they show you interest - well, you're only human so no one will blame you for feeling so attached to this guy. The facts however are fairly obvious from his actions after the event. Therefore now you have to take charge of this situation and take back some of that power you've given him. Carry on living your life and doing whatever it was that you did before he came along, then if he should text, ignore it. At least for a day, maybe three. You're busy and didn't have time to respond, or whatever. No matter how popular or famous he is, that will bruise his ego and make him realise that maybe he should've been a bit nicer to you. From there, he'll either make contact again, or he won't and that will be it. But at least you'll know and you can leave with your pride and head held high. Afterall, you need to take the positive out of this: Basically, despite what you tell us about yourself, you got the attention of an amazing guy (your words, not mine). Surely that stands for something? Surely that tells you the honest truth about the line that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Take the positive from all this rather than the negative, go live your life (still only in your twenties) and see what happens with this guy. No matter how amazing he is, I guarantee there are better out there...
Andy_K Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 he texted back "Er very busy this week, but maybe... We'll see" ... Question: - I'll explain that I like him as a person, that I'm not a slut... Is there chance that he'll take me seriously? He is blatantly blowing you off. Your crush on him is clearly blinding you to this. There is no point in asking whether he's taking you seriously, because he's just not that interested. At best you might get sex from him a few more times. Also, having sex with him so soon did not ruin your chances here, before you beat yourself up about that. Judging by his interest level, you never had any chances to begin with. Sex was the only option and it was that or nothing.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Carry on living your life and doing whatever it was that you did before he came along, then if he should text, ignore it. At least for a day, maybe three. You're busy and didn't have time to respond, or whatever. No matter how popular or famous he is, that will bruise his ego and make him realise that maybe he should've been a bit nicer to you. From there, he'll either make contact again, or he won't and that will be it. But at least you'll know and you can leave with your pride and head held high. Afterall, you need to take the positive out of this @smudge21: I like your advice a lot. That's true wisdom. Yes I'm told that I'm smart and beautiful all the time, but I'm not movie star material. I'm a normal girl and real. That's why I feel like I'm nothing compared with this guy. I will remember your advice! I need to be stronger!
Leegh Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 You sound like an intelligent woman, when you stated that you shouldn't have had sex with him on the first date. We all make mistakes, don't worry about it. If you see him again, I would not refer to you and he having sex; possibly down the road if you continue to see him you can go into more detail. I think it's best the keep the conversation "light" on the first few dates. Even if he is surrounded by "beautiful" people all day, I wouldn't worry about it, because I believe we are unconsciously attracted to people who remind us of our parents, or early caregivers, but that's a whole other topic. Hopefully, he will contact you soon, but if not, with Christmas not too far away, around the 20th or so of December you could e-mail, text or call him, and wish him a "Merry Christmas" and suggest getting together after Christmas, that way there is no immediate pressure on him. I would try only once, if he says yes, that's great, if not, you can make a fresh start for the New Year and find someone else.
Eeyore79 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 I'm a normal girl and real. That's why I feel like I'm nothing compared with this guy. Erm... you're not the one who took advantage of someone who genuinely liked you. You're not the one who used someone and then gave them the brush off. That was all him. So don't say you're nothing compared to this guy... it sounds like you're a decent person and he's a total jerk. Forget him.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 I got some great advice here, please people keep them coming. @Leegh: that's a wonderful idea too! Thanks! I can see myself someday smiling, playing the song "Last Xmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you threw it away... This year I give it to someone special" I'll be happy and I don't mind @Andy_K: thanks! point taken. Anyone who talks with me would know immediately I'm not the type who sleeps around. I guess I shouldn't keep kicking myself for having sex.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 @jane: thanks! "fine and dandy" - I like that Update: now he says he's totally busy this weekend. "maybe next time hun". I saw him on chat but he didn't start conversation with me. Very sad, I honestly like him a lot I must say I'm not going after his money and fame or great look, though they partly helped sweeping me up. I was impressed but insecure at the same time. I have a good career and I'm fine on my own. I saw something rare in his personality that I also share, that is hard to find. That's why I'm head over heels. But he didn't notice it in me and just passed by, it seems.
phillyfan Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Dude why r u callin urself a slut? If ur a slut hes a slut LOL serious tho girl, i dont get it, u r adults, u both had grate sex, u both had fun, why u now feelin dirty bout it? U aint no slut, u r a nice girl who had fun on a date. Dont EVA go puttin that slut lable on urself no more else u r gona hate urself. As for this joker, hes a douche. Hes a playa who just gets girls in the sack 1st date afta bein all charmin, then disapears n aint evn bothered in tellin u he dont want 2 see u again - u hav 2 hunt him down on txt or watever. That aint cool that aint perfect - i dont care if he is the dam president - if he treets otha ppl like sh*t then he aint nothin, n is below u.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) Perhaps he did glimpse it, and found it attractive, who knows? But if he did not fully appreciate it and "passed" you by, in the end, you have to move on to be with with a person or people who really can see and connect with your qualities, very important. @jane: thanks, yes, that's why I've been single for quite long. I want to wait until someone who has it and sees it in me. I was excited about this guy. But maybe not..... He is from England. Now in Hollywood, I guess he mostly works in US from now on. Very talented. By the way, you British have great accent, which is a small part of reason why I fell so hard! Haha @phillyfan: yeah he seemed to be polite, but now, not even a "Sorry I can't make it" or "Thank you", just "Maybe next time hun". I'm a little surprised. Edited November 18, 2011 by mammamia1
oaks Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Update: now he says he's totally busy this weekend. "maybe next time hun". I saw him on chat but he didn't start conversation with me. Very sad, I honestly like him a lot, but I guess it's time to give up... Is there anyone think I should ask him out again next week? It sounds like he isn't interested but doesn't want to flat out say so. Otherwise he would either say "i'm busy this weekend but I can still make time for you on saturday" or "I'm busy this weekend but how about tuesday?" rather than just putting you off with "maybe next time". Don't bother asking him. If he asks you then be cautious about what suddenly changed his mind - did all the other girls dump him?
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 If he asks you then be cautious about what suddenly changed his mind - did all the other girls dump him? I know that's very likely to be the case, if he asks me again. I'll take smudge21 advice and not rush to him so fast. @QuantumWeapon: I told him before we went out that I don't want ONS at all, I guess it doesn't matter... Hypergamy is such a painful word to hear, but very accurate. This definitely motivates me to succeed in my career. One day I can be better than him in every way. Look will fade, and everything else I can gain by my effort. Thanks a lot, please keep the advice/ideas coming.
the wizard Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Well love, I'm not going to sit here and stuff you with comfort food like everyone else here. So I'll offer a bit more "realistic" viewpoint on this issue. The guy is rich, handsome, etc. He knows it. You know it. He knows you know it. That's why he will not let you continue to get closer to him. He knows that all you're after are his looks and his money. Let's be real here for a second, barring his looks, would you have had sex with him on the first date if he weren't rich and famous like you say he is? I'm not calling you a slut, but uh..if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck....you know the rest. I don't think this guy is a jerk. He took what he could get, as so many other men treat the event of sex. Sex is not so easily obtainable for men, even for the most handsome and richest out there. So for ass to just fall in a guy's lap, he will take it if it's a beautiful piece of ass. Something like a blessing if you will. I don't think he is a slut at all. But you? I think you were a bit too open off of materialistic things, and he caught wind of that. Sorry things played out the way they did. What women should learn from this is: 1. Stop giving up the goods so easy, you will lose value in most men's eyes. 2. Most rich and handsome men are hard to land due to the fact that they know most women are completely open off of those two reasons, the major one being the rich part. He thought you were a gold digger. I think you are to some extent, and I mean this in no way to be disrespectful I just can't find any other words at the moment.
Pierre Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Another victim of "sex too soon" that gets attached and does not see herself as easy. I see a story like this several times a day in this board. If you are incapable of having sex for sport you should always avoid "sex too soon".
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 @ the wizard: thanks, some of your points are very true. I definitely didn't appear as a gold digger though. I'm educated, have a great career in front of me and love it; it shows in all my conversations. He knows I'll make good $ with my job in the future. I just appeared as a whore, or as a silly girl who gives everything without thinking. And he passed me by, didn't see anything inside me.
Author mammamia1 Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 ONE POINT I FORGOT TO MENTION (I'm sorry for the graphic content): We had sex without protection. I know I don't have any disease, he knows he doesn't. He came inside me. After that, he asked "are you on birth control" Me "No" Him "Damn" Me "But I'll take the morning after pill. You know I love my career and baby is the last thing I want now" I don't know if this is part of why he's brushing me off now. But we talked for hours before having sex, it's enough for anyone to realize that I'm well educated, love my career... and not likely that kind of gold digger, baby popper type.
the wizard Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 ONE POINT I FORGOT TO MENTION (I'm sorry for the graphic content): We had sex without protection. I know I don't have any disease, he knows he doesn't. He came inside me. After that, he asked "are you on birth control" Me "No" Him "Damn" Me "But I'll take the morning after pill. You know I love my career and baby is the last thing I want now" I don't know if this is part of why he's brushing me off now. But we talked for hours before having sex, it's enough for anyone to realize that I'm well educated, love my career... and not likely that kind of gold digger, baby popper type. Ok, now I feel like I got trolled lol.
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