Do guys feel connections too? Or do they fake it?

[Miss S H]

Hi

 

About 2 and a half weeks ago, I met a guy unexpectadly. I'd recently just begun to get over another guy and was feeling like I wouldn't meet anyone else.

 

Amazingly, I met this guy and we chatted all night... for the next 8 hours... as though we couldn't get enough of eachother to the point where his friends got annoyed he wasn't spending time with them. We both evidently admitted to connecting instantly and just laughed the whole time before a bit of a kiss.

 

At the end of the night, he asked me to continue the night, either at another bar or to his place, I declined but said if he wanted to see me again I would give him my number as Id like to see him again.

 

So he called the next morning and took me out allll day! From about 10 am till 10 that night... I honestly had one of the most comfortable and exciting days, I felt comfortable and the whole day felt sure of itself and I left not for a second doubting that I would see him again and that he was feeling exactly as I was, if not more interseted.

 

I was 100 percent of this, as you know when someone is keen.

 

I heard from him the next day and it was great, then also the next! I was happy with it at this point, but after 3 days he called and asked me out again.

 

Again, I had a great time, everything was flowing and he kept speaking about things he would take me to next time, or talking about friends of his I hadn't met, but I would meet soon...... it really, was just ridiculously comfortobale.

 

Heard from him the next day and also ... the Saturday saying he had parties on and hoped I would have a good weekend. 2 days later on the monday, he messaged again, saying that he could still smell my perfume on his clothes and in his room which made it hard to leave the house in the mornings and he kept wearing the shirt with my smell!

 

Two days later still in contact and it was along the same lines... he was interseted and engaged and asked what I had planned for the weekend?

 

I said I had a birthday but not much else then said if he was free at all to keep me posted.

 

Two days later I hadn't heard from him, nor seen him for a week at this point. So I thought, he's made a effort and been great, I'll send him and message to see how he is. We then messaged a bit, and although still good the conversation was a bit less flilrty and there was no mention of seeing me.

 

He would also end the conversation first, although still mentioned things about showing me this in the future or tring this particular restaurant etc etc ...

 

Now I ask, how is it someone can feel such a strong connection, act on it, encourage it, then essentialy do what I beleive is just "switching off".

 

He had been in an 8 year relationship, but has been single for a year or so, and said hes yet to meet anyone else worthwhile.

 

Was he pretending to enjoy my company as much as he said? Was he faking a connection?

 

Or is it a case of someone else on the scene?

 

I just think its odd to go from "extremely and actively seeking" to nothing at all.....

 

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

 

I don't know whether to contact him over the weekend, or just let it go, as I really did enjoy his company and him, in well, every way!

 

Thanks

[wildtrac77]

Hi

 

About 2 and a half weeks ago, I met a guy unexpectadly. I'd recently just begun to get over another guy and was feeling like I wouldn't meet anyone else.

 

Amazingly, I met this guy and we chatted all night... for the next 8 hours... as though we couldn't get enough of eachother to the point where his friends got annoyed he wasn't spending time with them. We both evidently admitted to connecting instantly and just laughed the whole time before a bit of a kiss.

 

At the end of the night, he asked me to continue the night, either at another bar or to his place, I declined but said if he wanted to see me again I would give him my number as Id like to see him again.

 

So he called the next morning and took me out allll day! From about 10 am till 10 that night... I honestly had one of the most comfortable and exciting days, I felt comfortable and the whole day felt sure of itself and I left not for a second doubting that I would see him again and that he was feeling exactly as I was, if not more interseted.

 

I was 100 percent of this, as you know when someone is keen.

 

I heard from him the next day and it was great, then also the next! I was happy with it at this point, but after 3 days he called and asked me out again.

 

Again, I had a great time, everything was flowing and he kept speaking about things he would take me to next time, or talking about friends of his I hadn't met, but I would meet soon...... it really, was just ridiculously comfortobale.

 

Heard from him the next day and also ... the Saturday saying he had parties on and hoped I would have a good weekend. 2 days later on the monday, he messaged again, saying that he could still smell my perfume on his clothes and in his room which made it hard to leave the house in the mornings and he kept wearing the shirt with my smell!

 

Two days later still in contact and it was along the same lines... he was interseted and engaged and asked what I had planned for the weekend?

 

I said I had a birthday but not much else then said if he was free at all to keep me posted.

 

Two days later I hadn't heard from him, nor seen him for a week at this point. So I thought, he's made a effort and been great, I'll send him and message to see how he is. We then messaged a bit, and although still good the conversation was a bit less flilrty and there was no mention of seeing me.

 

He would also end the conversation first, although still mentioned things about showing me this in the future or tring this particular restaurant etc etc ...

 

Now I ask, how is it someone can feel such a strong connection, act on it, encourage it, then essentialy do what I beleive is just "switching off".

 

He had been in an 8 year relationship, but has been single for a year or so, and said hes yet to meet anyone else worthwhile.

 

Was he pretending to enjoy my company as much as he said? Was he faking a connection?

 

Or is it a case of someone else on the scene?

 

I just think its odd to go from "extremely and actively seeking" to nothing at all.....

 

Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

 

I don't know whether to contact him over the weekend, or just let it go, as I really did enjoy his company and him, in well, every way!

 

Thanks

 

For him it was too much, too quick, too soon..

 

He def likes you and yea guys (from experience ) can feel a connection.

 

He hasnt dealt with the issues from his last relship, he thought he had and had convinced himself he was ready to date again but in reality all he had done was buried them deep down and then now seeing you has stirred up all those feelings again.

 

Iv got the same prob with a women at the mo, like you we can chat for hours/amazing chemistry/connection/ like/want the same things etc but she hasnt got closure on her last relship so no point trying to force a new one on her, def dont want to be the rebound guy or as in your case rebound girl..

 

The more you do the more it will push the guy away, as hard as it is back off and let him come to you when he is ready, let him think about what he is missing by letting you slip thru his fingers.

 

Just get on with your life and your own thing and perhaps send him a friendly/ lighthearted txt in a few weeks but not mention you/us and where this is going.. (great advice someone gave me about my situ on a thread i posted a few days ago here)

[smudge21]

Your story struck a nerve and reminded me of how my recent ex and I hooked up in the beginning. It was crazy like that, as if we knew each other for much longer. Even after a few days we had mutual friends commenting like it was we were a married couple.

 

Sadly, things didn't last that way and started to slow down until they ended. The wierd thing is, she made all the running at first, really would go out of her way to keep in contact and make all the effort. When things started to go a bit quiet, I kinda' took over that job but here's the difference: when she was chasing me, it was the early stages, we were both excited and desperate to get to know each other. When she started to show less interest and then I started going all out for her, it was different as now I was chasing someone who was losing interest (well, in the case of my ex, having second thoughts). So unlike her, I was fighting a losing battle. Plus my constant contact wasn't received in the same way her's was in the early days. In many ways, me chasing her made things worse and pushed her away. What I should've done is acted like she did and be a bit distant too - make her realise I'm not going to be always there waiting for her. Sadly, I was in love and those chemicals make you do all sorts of stupid things!

 

I guess what I'm saying is (and like wildtrac77 said) just back off a little. Don't go chasing him too much now. Yes, he may very well be having issues over his last relationship, but the fact is, you do not know what is happening in his life, so don't try and second guess it. Live your life and just see what happens. By all means, give him a nudge in a weeks time if you've not heard anything, but keep it a bit distant too.

 

In other words... don't make my mistakes!

[wildtrac77]

Your story struck a nerve and reminded me of how my recent ex and I hooked up in the beginning. It was crazy like that, as if we knew each other for much longer. Even after a few days we had mutual friends commenting like it was we were a married couple.

 

Sadly, things didn't last that way and started to slow down until they ended. The wierd thing is, she made all the running at first, really would go out of her way to keep in contact and make all the effort. When things started to go a bit quiet, I kinda' took over that job but here's the difference: when she was chasing me, it was the early stages, we were both excited and desperate to get to know each other. When she started to show less interest and then I started going all out for her, it was different as now I was chasing someone who was losing interest (well, in the case of my ex, having second thoughts). So unlike her, I was fighting a losing battle. Plus my constant contact wasn't received in the same way her's was in the early days. In many ways, me chasing her made things worse and pushed her away. What I should've done is acted like she did and be a bit distant too - make her realise I'm not going to be always there waiting for her. Sadly, I was in love and those chemicals make you do all sorts of stupid things!

 

I guess what I'm saying is (and like wildtrac77 said) just back off a little. Don't go chasing him too much now. Yes, he may very well be having issues over his last relationship, but the fact is, you do not know what is happening in his life, so don't try and second guess it. Live your life and just see what happens. By all means, give him a nudge in a weeks time if you've not heard anything, but keep it a bit distant too.

 

In other words... don't make my mistakes!

 

What mistakes did you make other than trying to chase her too much?

 

Your right in that when you really like/connect with someone logic goes out of the window and every thing you do,( be too keen, want to spend a lot of time with them, sending too many txts back and forth on the days you dont meet up etc) is the wrong thing, always works better if you keep contact to a few txts/meet up once a week to start off with for the few weeks. Now if only i listened to my own advice the last time!!

[mammamia1]

sorry to hear... I think I can somewhat explain why it happened. I've been there before and was the one who got cold feet. For no reason. It's just things happened too fast and too easily and I got bored. I didn't see anyone else, I just got cold feet.

 

Later on I did regret it.

 

There's nothing to blame yourself. Don't feel bad at all. You did everything right and perfectly. Maybe that person will regret one day. Maybe something unexpected happened in his life, you never know.

 

As of "whether to contact him again this weekend", I don't know. Someone else will give better answer.

[smudge21]

What mistakes did you make other than trying to chase her too much?

 

That was pretty much it - I was too keen. I mean, looking back, she showed interest in me because I wasn't, not at first, and the fact this beautiful smart great girl was chasing me was a great ego boost. I was happy to have that in my life so I accepted her attention. When things started to fail, I pretty much acted like she had done towards me - I went out of my to keep in touch, even though I can look back now and realise that there were times it's clear I must've looked like a real jerk; a sad lonely love sick puppy.

 

Now I'm not about to say that my actions would've prevented the break up, far from it, but if I could've acted a different way then maybe, just maybe, things may have gone a little differently.

[wildtrac77]

sorry to hear... I think I can somewhat explain why it happened. I've been there before and was the one who got cold feet. For no reason. It's just things happened too fast and too easily and I got bored. I didn't see anyone else, I just got cold feet.

 

Later on I did regret it.

 

There's nothing to blame yourself. Don't feel bad at all. You did everything right and perfectly. Maybe that person will regret one day. Maybe something unexpected happened in his life, you never know.

 

As of "whether to contact him again this weekend", I don't know. Someone else will give better answer.

 

How long were you seeing this person before you got bored/cold feet??

[Woggle]

We do but many times are afraid to show it.

[snug.bunny]

He asked you out, you accepted...

He asked you out, you accepted...

 

You in turn mention getting together, via putting it back on his shoulders to arrange, AFTER he inquired about seeing you again. He's asked you out a few times and some guys don't care about that, and will pursue pursue pursue/plan all the dates/etc., but some want/need a little initiative on the other person's part, in order for that connection to continue to grow.

 

So, it could be that, or a variety of other reasons.

 

You could ask him to go to (insert location/date/time) with you next time you talk to him or call him directly to set something up, but some suggest the woman should remain passive during the initial stages, and if he stops pursuing/responding then just let it be.

[Nexus One]

Do guys feel connections too? Or do they fake it?

 

I can only speak for myself and the answer is, yeah I do. There are women I don't feel anything with and there are women I feel a connection with. It's those women, i.e. the ones I feel a connection with that I feel attracted to for a relationship. I need that connection. Mere physical attraction doesn't do it.

[Imajerk17]

I don't think this guy was faking. I think what happened was that things were moving really fast, and after realizing what he got himself into, he got skeered and feels the need to back out.

 

It's still not clear whether he wants to throttle things back somewhat or end it.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. But I'm not sure you can see someone you just met for like 24 waking hours in the course of only 3 consecutive days (who was a complete stranger before) without something like this happening.

 

EDIT: It could be what snug.bunny said too. He might be feeling that the ball is in your court. Just ask. It wouldn't hurt your cause for you to be proactive in bringing up how fast things were moving. You won't blow things by doing this.

Edited November 18, 2011 by Imajerk17

[mpc2012]

he could've been going overboard, and usually when that happens, the honeymoon is over faster than you think. I have done that when I was younger, but now I take my time when I'm getting to know a girl/young lady becuase I know if I dazzle them forever, they will keep expecting it, so why not try the slow route. He could be frazzled himself that he did so much in such little time.

[Wolf18]

Yes, we too feel connections.

 

But unlike women, we don't confuse lust for a connection. There's a difference.