RobtheBob Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Ok, so I'm new here, and it seems like there is a lot of helpful people on this site. So I hope someone can help me out a little bit:o. Anyway I'm a 26 year old male. Ive been in 2 very long relation ships and haven't had much expeirence in the dating world. so far Ive learned that I have no trouble attracting dates. And that's all Ive learned lol. my problem lies with questions I should have asked when I was 16. It seems like every girl I date these days is ready for sex after the 1st couple dates, if not sooner. I must be old school or something because I thought every girl wants to wait a long time. so I guess my first question would be, How long should I wait to have sex if I'm really in to the girl and she seems to also want it? Im I supposed to talk about it or ask her if she wants it first? Ive been in scenarios where I would be invited to stay the night with a girl at her place, and im thinking she probably just wants someone to cuddle with tonight. Well cuddling never lasts long before things get hot. and it seems obvious that she wants sex. and I would really want it as well. but meanwhile I have all this crap running through my head like, should I ask her 1st? what if she just wants to fool around? i don't want her to think im a player. and then I kill my own buzz just thinking to deeply about it. and then play the old I'm pretty sleepy im going to pass out now sorta crap. then the next day I'm mad at myself for not going through with it because I really wanted to make her feel good. and she probably thinks I'm boring now. Do girls get bored of guys who wait for sex? So now I'm thinking if a girl wants me to sleep over, she wants sex. is That right? A big question that bugs me is, should I go right for the intercourse when things get hot the first time and leave the fore play for next time? I would think girls probably dont want oral right away. And I would prefer to go for it right away to keep my brain from thinking about it to much. I know Ive just crammed many questions into a probably hard to read paragraph. but I feel a little better just typing it out. So anyway has anyone been in this sort of pickle? any advice would be cool. I'm sure ill have more questions coming, thank you all very much.
Author RobtheBob Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 thanks a lot Mircea. I like the way you added in the bold. and I know that No means No. feeling more confident all ready.
ShannonMI Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Ok, so I'm new here, and it seems like there is a lot of helpful people on this site. So I hope someone can help me out a little bit:o. Anyway I'm a 26 year old male. Ive been in 2 very long relation ships and haven't had much expeirence in the dating world. so far Ive learned that I have no trouble attracting dates. And that's all Ive learned lol. my problem lies with questions I should have asked when I was 16. It seems like every girl I date these days is ready for sex after the 1st couple dates, if not sooner. I must be old school or something because I thought every girl wants to wait a long time. so I guess my first question would be, How long should I wait to have sex if I'm really in to the girl and she seems to also want it? Im I supposed to talk about it or ask her if she wants it first? Ive been in scenarios where I would be invited to stay the night with a girl at her place, and im thinking she probably just wants someone to cuddle with tonight. Well cuddling never lasts long before things get hot. and it seems obvious that she wants sex. and I would really want it as well. but meanwhile I have all this crap running through my head like, should I ask her 1st? what if she just wants to fool around? i don't want her to think im a player. and then I kill my own buzz just thinking to deeply about it. and then play the old I'm pretty sleepy im going to pass out now sorta crap. then the next day I'm mad at myself for not going through with it because I really wanted to make her feel good. and she probably thinks I'm boring now. Do girls get bored of guys who wait for sex? So now I'm thinking if a girl wants me to sleep over, she wants sex. is That right? A big question that bugs me is, should I go right for the intercourse when things get hot the first time and leave the fore play for next time? I would think girls probably dont want oral right away. And I would prefer to go for it right away to keep my brain from thinking about it to much. I know Ive just crammed many questions into a probably hard to read paragraph. but I feel a little better just typing it out. So anyway has anyone been in this sort of pickle? any advice would be cool. I'm sure ill have more questions coming, thank you all very much. Not all girls want to wait a long time to have sex. Some girls love one night stands. What you need to do is have sex when both you and she are ready. If she's ready before you, you need to tell her you aren't ready. And if you are ready before the girl then she should feel comfortable enough to tell you she's not ready. Sex should just flow if you guys really like each other. You should definitely talk about it though before you do it. Don't get too hung up on "when should we actually have intercourse." Just go with the flow and everything should fall into place.
oaks Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 How long should I wait to have sex if I'm really in to the girl and she seems to also want it? There's no magic correct answer that fits every girl or every situation with any particular girl. Yes, some people like to have sex very soon (eg on the first date). Some people have 'rules' they like to follow such as having sex no sooner than, and/or no later than, the 3rd date. Some people wait until they are in an exclusive relationship, and some people wait all the way until marriage. Definitely wait if you're not comfortable with having sex with someone yet. If they're not comfortable with having sex with you yet then definitely wait in that scenario, too, of course. Im I supposed to talk about it or ask her if she wants it first? That sounds polite rather than just sticking it in, but it depends. Sorry. No magic single answer here either. Some people like the idea of having a grown-up conversation about sex before having sex, or at least discuss when to have sex, and some people just let the mood take them there without words. No particular way is universally correct (other than, of course, making sure that sex is consensual). Ive been in scenarios where I would be invited to stay the night with a girl at her place, and im thinking she probably just wants someone to cuddle with tonight. Well cuddling never lasts long before things get hot. and it seems obvious that she wants sex. and I would really want it as well. but meanwhile I have all this crap running through my head like, should I ask her 1st? what if she just wants to fool around? i don't want her to think im a player. and then I kill my own buzz just thinking to deeply about it. and then play the old I'm pretty sleepy im going to pass out now sorta crap. then the next day I'm mad at myself for not going through with it because I really wanted to make her feel good. and she probably thinks I'm boring now. Well, if asking her is on your mind then ask. You're in the middle of a cuddle, or perhaps things are heating up beyond just cuddling, but you're not sure what she wants. What's wrong about asking her what she wants, or how far she wants things to go? Nothing wrong with being cautious, but it sounds like you're over-thinking this. Do girls get bored of guys who wait for sex? So now I'm thinking if a girl wants me to sleep over, she wants sex. is That right? Some girls do get bored, yes, and some will worship the ground you walk on if you can keep your hands to yourself on the first date. I suspect that most girls who are pro-active enough to invite you to sleep over (assuming this is in her bed, rather than on the couch) are expecting that you'll want to have sex. I can't read their minds much further than that - everyone is different. A big question that bugs me is, should I go right for the intercourse when things get hot the first time and leave the fore play for next time? I would think girls probably dont want oral right away. And I would prefer to go for it right away to keep my brain from thinking about it to much. I know Ive just crammed many questions into a probably hard to read paragraph. but I feel a little better just typing it out. Well, there's a lot more to foreplay than oral. A lot more. Maybe that cuddling that you mentioned is part of foreplay? So anyway has anyone been in this sort of pickle? any advice would be cool. I'm sure ill have more questions coming, thank you all very much. Specific advice: Communication is important - you can't expect us to tell you what some specific but hypothetical woman is going to think when you're cuddling her in bed, so talk with her. Make sure you have condoms, and use them if you're having sex.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 You need to get a handle on what YOU want and start applying that to whom you're with. You're not going to feel the same way about everyone so when you decide to go out with somebody you also should be considering if you're interested in a relationship with her or not. If you are, you need to play to that and learn to communicate it in a way that doesn't turn her off cold. If she's into you and the relationship then it's fine to speak up about when you think sex is the next obvious step. What you seem to be doing is stumbling forward and trying to moralize along the way. Decide. Women like action. They like men who make things fluid and natural for them. If you're not decisive about anything to start off with, you're going to be the one-legged man in the proverbial ass-kicking contest. Do you not care for anyone in particular who you'd want a relationship with? Do these females you encounter not want to continue with you? You need to start driving your own ship so that someone can get a clue before they make a move with you. I don't see the conundrum with having too much female interest. But if things are perplexing to you, you have my advice.
Cypress25 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 In general, women love foreplay. They need it to become aroused. Foreplay eventually leads to sex. If she's not ready for sex yet, she'll stop you.
ShannonMI Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 In general, women love foreplay. They need it to become aroused. Foreplay eventually leads to sex. If she's not ready for sex yet, she'll stop you. This is true. Gotta love foreplay. It gets the juices flowing for us girls.
Author RobtheBob Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 a lot of my confusion makes me not wanna see them anymore and try with the next. then the same thing happens. when I don't go for it I kinda feel like a loser. hmmm maybe I'm going for the wrong girls. The current girl Ive been seeing seems to have backed off a bit since last week when I stayed at her place. I feel like my lack of communication is killing me on this one. I need to learn how to talk about my emotions.
Author RobtheBob Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 This is true. Gotta love foreplay. It gets the juices flowing for us girls. Does cuddling, and necking and feeling up classified as fore play? if so im Good in that department. maybe I shouldent get the juices flowing if im not ready for sex. I can see how that would be annoying for a girl.
ShannonMI Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 a lot of my confusion makes me not wanna see them anymore and try with the next. then the same thing happens. when I don't go for it I kinda feel like a loser. hmmm maybe I'm going for the wrong girls. The current girl Ive been seeing seems to have backed off a bit since last week when I stayed at her place. I feel like my lack of communication is killing me on this one. I need to learn how to talk about my emotions. Don't run away from these girls. That's why you feel like a loser. Open up your mouth and talk. Don't weasle out and run away.
ShannonMI Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 (edited) Does cuddling, and necking and feeling up classified as fore play? if so im Good in that department. maybe I shouldent get the juices flowing if im not ready for sex. I can see how that would be annoying for a girl. Yes and lots of kissing. Like french kissing is the best. Not pecking. Deep passionate kisses are a big turn on. Edited November 18, 2011 by ShannonMI
Cypress25 Posted November 18, 2011 Posted November 18, 2011 Does cuddling, and necking and feeling up classified as fore play? if so im Good in that department. maybe I shouldent get the juices flowing if im not ready for sex. I can see how that would be annoying for a girl. Yes, that's foreplay. And it's awesome, even if it doesn't lead to sex. Girls aren't like guys. They don't get blue balls. So it's OK to get her turned on, even if you're not ready for sex yet. Women love foreplay because it feels good, they don't get annoyed if it doesn't lead to sex. You can always get her off with your hand or your mouth, if you're worried about leaving her frustrated. And you might want to try talking to the girl about this. It would help immensely.
Author RobtheBob Posted November 18, 2011 Author Posted November 18, 2011 Yes, that's foreplay. And it's awesome, even if it doesn't lead to sex. Girls aren't like guys. They don't get blue balls. So it's OK to get her turned on, even if you're not ready for sex yet. Women love foreplay because it feels good, they don't get annoyed if it doesn't lead to sex. You can always get her off with your hand or your mouth, if you're worried about leaving her frustrated. And you might want to try talking to the girl about this. It would help immensely. I know I need to talk to her about it, I really like this one. Its still a hard topic for me to bring up. I almost feel like I need to have sex with someone before I can talk about my deep feelings/issues with them. I think I just found my road block lol.
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