hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hey everyone, So, this is the story, I somewhat recently got a out of a very long relationship and decided to just start casually dating which I had actually never done. I met two guys A and B both within the last month or so. The problem is the more I hang out with them the more I realize how much I like them both, and I know they both like me a lot which makes it harder given that I don't get the vibe from either that they want to keep things "casual". So here it goes for each of them. A: Also went through a breakup recently, I can share a lot with him, we have basically every interest in common, amazing chemistry and I hang out with him more as he lives close by. We go out like 3 times per week, I have a great time with him, I love his friends. I feel at ease with him everything is very easy and refreshing, I feel like myself with him. He also has made it clear that he wants to see me exclusively. B: Met him right after I met A, he is really nice, geeky and sweet and very open about his feelings for me, I have only seen him a handful of times as he lives an hour away. I don't have as much in common with him ( a lot but not as much) but the attraction is insane, I feel breathless when I'm around him but not as comfortable. He is now pushing to see me more and he told me he really wants to keep seeing me more formally. Now I don't know what to do, I have feelings for both of them in different ways and I know I have to choose soon (they also both want to get intimate soon Im sure) and I don't want to hurt either of them. I'm not used to dating and this is all kind if new, I've been in lonterm relationships most of my life so I need help with this one.
wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Hey everyone, So, this is the story, I somewhat recently got a out of a very long relationship and decided to just start casually dating which I had actually never done. I met two guys A and B both within the last month or so. The problem is the more I hang out with them the more I realize how much I like them both, and I know they both like me a lot which makes it harder given that I don't get the vibe from either that they want to keep things "casual". So here it goes for each of them. A: Also went through a breakup recently, I can share a lot with him, we have basically every interest in common, amazing chemistry and I hang out with him more as he lives close by. We go out like 3 times per week, I have a great time with him, I love his friends. I feel at ease with him everything is very easy and refreshing, I feel like myself with him. He also has made it clear that he wants to see me exclusively. B: Met him right after I met A, he is really nice, geeky and sweet and very open about his feelings for me, I have only seen him a handful of times as he lives an hour away. I don't have as much in common with him ( a lot but not as much) but the attraction is insane, I feel breathless when I'm around him but not as comfortable. He is now pushing to see me more and he told me he really wants to keep seeing me more formally. Now I don't know what to do, I have feelings for both of them in different ways and I know I have to choose soon (they also both want to get intimate soon Im sure) and I don't want to hurt either of them. I'm not used to dating and this is all kind if new, I've been in lonterm relationships most of my life so I need help with this one. A couple of questions to get a bit more about the background. 1: How long was your last relship? 2: how long ago did the long term one end? 3: what was the timescale for that relship ending and meeting these guys?
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I know what your are thinking, they're not rebounds... Had one of those already, relationship lasted 1 1/2 years and I broke up about 4 months ago.
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 Sorry I mean 5 months, I met them both 4 months after my breakup, I've been seeing both for abut a month.
wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 Sorry I mean 5 months, I met them both 4 months after my breakup, I've been seeing both for abut a month. How long ago was your rebound relship and how long did it last? Whats holding you back from just seeing guy A and letting things with guy B ease off??
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 rebound lasted about three weeks, it was just fun nothing else, no real feelings just needed the company. Then I broke it off and decided to just have fun with friends and meet people (how I ended up meeting these two) I don't know what's holding me on to B I guess its the chemistry, he is also very sweet and caring, so is A and they each have something unique that I like which makes it hard to choose between them, they are both very different. I was going to tell B that I needed to end it but then I went to visit him (to end things), even told him I didn't thinkw e should see each other and then he said he wasn't going to accept that because he liked me too much and when we kissed it was intense, so now I'm still talking to him. So confusing....
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 That's a possibility, I do like both of them almost equally, but I don't think its fair to keep seeing them both. I know one has to end
wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 rebound lasted about three weeks, it was just fun nothing else, no real feelings just needed the company. Then I broke it off and decided to just have fun with friends and meet people (how I ended up meeting these two) I don't know what's holding me on to B I guess its the chemistry, he is also very sweet and caring, so is A and they each have something unique that I like which makes it hard to choose between them, they are both very different. I was going to tell B that I needed to end it but then I went to visit him (to end things), even told him I didn't thinkw e should see each other and then he said he wasn't going to accept that because he liked me too much and when we kissed it was intense, so now I'm still talking to him. So confusing.... What are you looking for, some fun or thinking more in the way of reship?? I think you are prob not over your ex (even if you think you are) hence you cant choose between the two of them as you dont really know what you want at the moment. Im guessing they dont know about each other?
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I don't know what I want right now, I didn't think i'd come to like either of this much to be honest, I WAS looking for just fun but now I have feelings for them. About my ex, maybe who know it would have to be subconsciously as he has tried to get back together and I have said no, I know I don't love him anymore in that way, I care for him as a person that's it... I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship but I know I can't casually date two guys at the same time (no they don't know about each other) I feel like I'm cheating on both of them.... At the same time I don't want to miss out on a great guy (whichever one it is) and I have a lot of fun with both of them.
wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I don't know what I want right now, I didn't think i'd come to like either of this much to be honest, I WAS looking for just fun but now I have feelings for them. About my ex, maybe who know it would have to be subconsciously as he has tried to get back together and I have said no, I know I don't love him anymore in that way, I care for him as a person that's it... I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship but I know I can't casually date two guys at the same time (no they don't know about each other) I feel like I'm cheating on both of them.... At the same time I don't want to miss out on a great guy (whichever one it is) and I have a lot of fun with both of them. Are you still in contact with your ex?? Did you or he break it off? (Sorry for asking so many questions, just trying to get a feel about what is going on to give some decent advice as you seem sound) Write down the good points about each guy and see which has the highest score... Myself if it was me in this situ with two women i would( from what you say) choose A over B for the reasons you have more in common and live so much nearer to each other which makes it easier to see each other. That is always the problem in life... you never know which choice is the right one untill long after you make it, sometimes you call it right sometimes you dont.. the amount of times iv got it wrong( and regreted it afterwards) and let some really decent women slip thru my fingers you couldnt count on two hands! and no im not a player..
Author hermie1234 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Posted November 17, 2011 I am still in contact with my ex, very limited (no drunk I love you calls or anything) we were friends for 8 years before dating so we are trying to be friends, which has worked for me, I just want him to find a nice girl at this point (never thought i'd say that haha). And he broke it off, I was a mess but realized he wasn't for me, very different temperaments and priorities. As for the two awesome guys, I also think A is a better option, I guess I just answered by own question... I can't help but wonder about B though just because he really is sweet, its not like choosing between a bad boy and a nice guy which would be easy, these are two nice guys so it really sucks. I guess in the end I just don't want to make the wrong choice (whihc is why I wrote the post). Guy B also told me he has feelings for me which is why I couldn't break it off, mostly cause I did too. But every time I spend time with A I just feel very comfortable.... I hate this....
wildtrac77 Posted November 17, 2011 Posted November 17, 2011 I am still in contact with my ex, very limited (no drunk I love you calls or anything) we were friends for 8 years before dating so we are trying to be friends, which has worked for me, I just want him to find a nice girl at this point (never thought i'd say that haha). And he broke it off, I was a mess but realized he wasn't for me, very different temperaments and priorities. As for the two awesome guys, I also think A is a better option, I guess I just answered by own question... I can't help but wonder about B though just because he really is sweet, its not like choosing between a bad boy and a nice guy which would be easy, these are two nice guys so it really sucks. I guess in the end I just don't want to make the wrong choice (whihc is why I wrote the post). Guy B also told me he has feelings for me which is why I couldn't break it off, mostly cause I did too. But every time I spend time with A I just feel very comfortable.... I hate this.... If you want to remain friends with your ex in the long term( months/years from now) then you need to break all contact with him for at least 9 months/a year. sounds harsh but you both need to spend time getting over your feelings for each other and moving on with your life, i personally dont think (maybe im wrong) that people that have dated can go from that too friends again at the drop of a hat..all the women iv meet ( another thread on her about the latest one if you have time to kill) in the past that are still in contact with their exs still have feelings for them deeper down but wont/cant admit it.. Go for A, right i didnt say this but tell B you really like him and think he is a great guy etc but you have come to realize that for now you dont want to date anyone as your still dealing with things from your last relship but you would like to be friends and stay in touch on a casual basis, then date A and see what happens.. But that makes me sound a tad devious so i didnt suggest it !!!
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